Malfunction. Self destruct in 3..2...1

So you know. I had a pretty overall bad day. But hey. Im sticking to my motto and I dont care what my mind tells me im GOING to be happy OK!?


Ill let these Jacks Mannequin lyrics speak for me.


Finally, I'm letting go of all my downer thoughts
In no time there'll be one less sad robot
Looking for a chance to be something more than just metal


Im feeling a li-it-tle - rob-it-tron-ic lately. I dont feel like myself and the reason for that is routine. routine is satan and it leaves me no time to be myself. express myself the ways I want to. Be spontaneous and awesome.
Well i mean routine isnt the ONLY culprit.... iv lost all my drive and ambition to do anything
im drained from working at my horrible...HORRIBLE job that I hate with the intensity of a thousand burning suns....I need to find something to strive for ..something new.


I need to be repaired

Im on a blog rampage

Just lettin you all know that I set up a seperate blog for Australia just so i can update everyone on whats goin on with me before I leave and also when im there

Check out www.talesofasaskatchewanpirate.blogspot.com

Fate likes to play a little game with me called " up yours steph!"

Question: What demon from the depths of hell created tuesdays
Answer : Monday. It couldnt fit all the suffering into one day so it had a baby



Crap crap crap crap crap crap


My brother TOTALLY cant cosign for me. SCREW YOU JACS VIDEO!!!!!!


I wanna crawl into bed and sleep for years.

I uh.....like?... saskatchewan

Ill be leaving all this in January SUCKERS....

Ok. Winter rules

Wow yesterday morning was just insane pretty. I feel sorry for everyone NOT getting up at 6. ( actually thats a lie ) But it was awesome none the less.
I was driving to work and there was a very thick fog that blanketed the trees with BEAUTIFUL hoar frost. Im sure you all saw the after effects of that once you all woke up...
But in the morning it was so eerie how everything just crept out of the fog and disappeard just as quick as it came, like it wasnt even there in the first place. I kinda felt claustrphobic though not being able to see anything but white past a 3 feet radius.
I was highly questioning where I was. If I wasnt from here I wouldnt know where i was going cause all I could see of any signs were just a haze.
I just wish I had my camera with me. I should start carrying it wherever I go.

This is one of the things that I dont hate about winter. I can whine and complain until my head asplodes but as soon as I see something as pretty as that I just have to stop and be like...ok you win. winter rocks

Life list

I know its my second ( technically 3rd but I deleted the last post ) post of the day. I dont know what to do with myself anymore....

ANYWAYS. I wanted you all to see my life list and what I have accomplished because im just bored like that...
The ones I have completed are in bold ....clearly


1. Be my own boss
2. Start my own photography buisness
3. Sell one of my photographs I took
4. Learn how to surf
5. Travel to Australia
6. Have a sponsor child
7. Own a room with a view
8. Create something people admire
9. Be "the" photographer for someones wedding
10. Ride in a hot air balloon
11. Do missions work on another continent
12. Do missions work in my own community
13. Witness an obvious physical miracle of God
14. Learn how to drive a standard
15. Get a picture I took get published in a magazine
16. Get a picture I took get published in a newspaper
17. Learn how to play guitar ( well )
18. Learn how to play piano
19. Have a major impact on someones life
20. Recieve a paycheck from a steady job
21. Submit a photo into a competition
22. Win that competition
23. Get married
24. Go to college/university/take a class of sorts
25. Own a great peice of art
26. Sleep under the stars
27. Be featured on the cover of a magazine
28. Meet someone I admire
29. Finish my sketchbook
30. Stop procratinating
31. Write my life story
32. Improve my posture
33. Get a tattoo
34. Go on a roadtrip with no pre-determined destination
35. Live passionatly
36. Learn to read music
37. Send a message in a bottle
38. Plant a tree
39. Write the novel I know I have inside me
40. Learn to juggle
41. Attend a huge rock concert
42. Eat at the samurai
43. Visit a ghost town
44. Visit the crooked trees
45. Get a t-shirt made at Shamatta
46. Fly first class
47. Try colourd contacts
48. Ride a train
49. Truly appreciate life
50. Ride on a motorcycle
51. Make a new list because I have finished this one




Wow i need to do more with my life....I REALLY havent accomplished that much, But i can see at least like...20 of those being crossed off while im away..so thats ok

Out of order

So im sitting here after a VERY eventful morning which results in me NOT going to work because I hate my cars metal guts.
But thats not the point.
Lately I haven't really felt like myself. You know? The creative imaginative steph we all know and (hopefully) love. I just feel like an empty shell thats doing nothing for her creative mind and its slowly shrinking and dissappearing everyday.
This whole situation is more depressing than anything I can think up right now.... If this was like 2 months ago I could have taken teri's advice and very successfully made my job fun. I always had a way. But instead I contemplate my very existance while im there ( not really THAT bad but I dont make it as fun as I could )
I used to take pictures like a madman, like almost everyday and now im not bothered to even charge my batteries.
WHATS MY PROBLEM!?

I just wanna take a week off work and go to town. I wanna make a sanctuary out of my room and just draw/paint/write/scapbook/take pictures, ANYTHING to feed my need for creativity.

Heck, I have the day off today. Why dont I go make the most of it.

Sionara suckers im off to find the Steph we all once knew.

Halloween tragedys

It never fails.


This is halloween pumpkin carving at my house EVERY year.


*carving* doo doo doo this doesnt look too bad. it might turn out half decent this year.
Oh look. a little peice hanging off ill just get th-*MASH* - *knife slips* - *pumpkins face gets mangled by knife*
NOOOOO!!!
ok calm down...i can just shove the peice back where its supposed to b-*MASH* (more broken off) NOOOOOO!!!!


ALWAYS at the last possible thing i could have possibly cut out.


I hate halloween

You know what I hate?

Man, heres a collection of things that reaaallly make me want to ram my head into a wall over and over and over again when people say them.
Even sitting here thinking about it, makes me want to punch everything within arms length
in no praticular order

"Well thats just your opinion"
This is some peoples way of backing up there crappy arguments / likes.
When someone says this I just wanna boot there butt back to last week because OF COURSE its my opinion. thats why I said it!

"Whatever floats your boat"
The principles of bouyancy float MY boat. I dont know about yours...

"May or may not be"
people use this when they say, "this may or may not be true" As if there was some sort of secret third option that im not aware of.
Thanks for pointing out the only two possiblilties on the universe

"Sorry...but" or " no offense"
This is used in an unintellegent fight between usually girls and one of them has the nerve to say " im sorry to say, but the results are back and..... your stupid"
If you think someones stupid. Just say it. We all know you mean some sort of harm or you wouldnt be saying it in the first place

"Get to the back of the bus"
This is the worst when mature 40 year olds say this. WHAT? what bus are you talking about? Are we still in elementry school or what? If you want me to get to the back of the line. tell me to get to the back of the line and quit thinking your soooo clever.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmm"
I have to say this is the WORST when your in restaraunts and the person behind you feels the need to make some sort of audible noise to make sure the waitress isnt going to walk away without taking their order.
The noise of the moron..


Anytime someone asks you something but doesnt let you answer
for example
"you know what i love...cookies"
Well you didnt give me anytime to answer now did ya? I thought this was some sort of game and you ruined it for me

"Some of the best things in life are free"
Yah but so are the worst. you dont see me throwing a party when someone gets a terminal illness

"WAZZZZZUUUUUUPPPP!!"
no explanation needed


Im done Im getting worked up

Life: 10 billion Steph: 1

AH HA! in your freaking face life!
My premonition came true! this week IS better.
Yeah me and Janelle totally both got jobs at comfort inn doing housekeeping!
8.50 an hour isnt too bad so im PRETTY pumped.
Yay...

My prescription?,...Modest mouse

Last week I kind of let the world knock me down and keep me down.
But tonight is the end of that. Tomorrow morning is a brand new week and I will be back full force and ready to take on the world. (even though sunday is technically the first day of the week)
I truly hate being unemployed and I hate all of this lollygagging around I have been forced into. Its been a week I would just like to remove from the recordbooks I know that for sure.

But hey. Things happen no? Life happens and things will only get better from here im sure of it.


Speaking of which. I've recently realized that I have found my offical cheer up song. Iv known about it for years but I've never taken the time to actually listen to the lyrics for some reason.
I finally did and realized how incredibly encouraging they are..

Example.

Well, a fake Jamaican took every last dime with a scam
It was worth it just to learn some sleight-of-hand
Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands
Good news will work its way to all them plans
We both got fired on the exactly the same day
Well we'll float on good news is on the way

...

Aliright don't worry even if things end up a bit to heavy
we'll all float on alright


Im trying to let this be an example of how I want my thinking to be from now on.
I always thought it was stupid for people to stress out and dwell on fickle things, Im naturally an easygoing person so you think this trait would come naturally to me. Nope. Its gonna be hard to work on but I want this mindset so bad im willing to change.
Plus, It feels so much better to not be stressed out and be losing sleep over things that will always work out in the end.

Im not in control and I have to accept that and just go along with the ride....and boy its been one hell of a ride. But I dont regret a second of it.

Everything I wanted to say and more

Heres 14 things Iv always wanted to say to some people. Some of them you might be able to figure out. The ones you cant, im afraid you may never know
All these statements are left nameless. hopefully you know who you are when I say them
( some are directed to those who dont even read my blog...just so you know )

1. I love you like a sister. Im sorry for all the stupid things Iv done. Dispite the fact that all reason says we shouldnt be friends your the one friend I never want to let go. I know its hard to belive me now but please try to trust me. I screw up. Its what I do, and I love you for always forgiving me. Thanks.

2. Im sick of you and your games. Im over you. completly.

3. Im so sorry you wouldnt even belive. Its all my fault I know and I tried to fix things and i feel like im being pushed away. but im not letting go. not now. I just want you to realize I cant do everything in this friendship to fix it, Im scared its too far gone. Please assure me otherwise?

4. Be yourself. If you even know who that is anymore.

5. Im happy for you but secretly jealous, and I hate that.

6. I love you but I hate your choices. Smarten up, im really worried your not going to come home one night.

7. I really love you man, and im glad were friends now. but start caring for other people before you screw up the one who loves you most.

8. Iv known you for 3 months and I feel like iv known you forever. Your halarious and always a pleasure to be around. youve been through alot and I really admire some of your choices youve made, it makes me wish I would have. please dont change. except dont get upset so easy. change that

9. Your the funniest kid on the planet. Your cute and Im really glad were friends now. go alpha brainwave team!

10. Pretty much 12 years of friendship and I feel like you still hate me sometimes. I dont like the scrappy brother/sister relationship we have. treat me like a friend not your annoying sister. Although Im glad we can still tolerate each other after this long, your a funny guy.

11. I dont get why everyone hates you so much. I really enjoy you, maybe im just not around you enough but your one of the nicest/down to earth guys i know. except when your really immature. but what guy isnt?

12. Your my music human double, and you have a great sense of humor, the card you gave me is taped in the back of my journal. that was some of the nicest things anyones said to me. thank you so much I dont think iv ever told you how much that inspires me in a day.

13. Get your head out of the clouds and come back down into reality. Look around and pay attention to what people are saying or you might miss something. Your a smart guy so stop acting stupid.

14. I LOVE you. Your a sweetheart and one of my best friends. Im really glad you trust me as much as you do and youve been through alot but know that im ALWAYS here for you through the rest of it no matter what. I really appreciate all youve done for my family when no one else would.


Im sorry if that passed by over anyones head. If it did this wasnt really meant for you.
haha meant in the nicest possible way of course

R.I.P. Booster juice uniform

Thats right, I got fired today!

It wasnt out of bad workmanship or stealing or you know..the common things to get fired over, Oh no. It was much more stupid than that

My dads driving me to work because he didnt want me to drive on the bad roads
He has to turn around because the roads are so icey.
*calls into work *

Me-Yeah I wont be able to make it in. my dads driving me and he has to turn around. we almost hit the ditch 3 times going 50 theres no way i can make it in its way too icey

Girl I work with- Oh ok. ill just call Hilary

*4:00*

*phone rings*

Yah hey steph its Hilary. Im afraid that you working at the stores isnt working out. Ill be more than happy to give you a referance though.....good luck



Uhm.....what?
This is the best day of my life. 3 months till Australia...0 jobs
Steph-0
Life-10 billion and one

The crane wife

Im sure none of you who come here regularily really care...BUT!

Alas! The Decemberists finally came out with there new album! ( although, i use finally very loosely because...I didnt exactly know they were coming out with another one )
And unlike alot of albums lately that iv bought this one is jammed pack of pure solid gold

I heard the track " when the war came " on CFCR as I was driving home from work and my stereo was cranked and my jaw was dropped.
I tought to myself " Hey, this sounds alot like the decemberists..only..better..and diffrent"
And to my astonishment the announcer said its from there new cd and i was like...uh...must buy.

So about an hour after I got home I headed right back into saskatoon to get it.
The second I put it in I was overly satisfied and spent the next hour or so listening to the cd with the jacket in my face reading the lyrics.

Laura veirs is a guest voice and does a duet with Colin on the track "yankee bayonette". That almost made my head asplode. I dare you not to love it...go on... I TRIPLE dog dare you!

But seriosly. Last song on the cd called " sons and daughters" as lame as it sounds they ACTUALLY have a round at the end of the song. and hey, I dont expect you to be like " COOL!" But quite possibly the best ever. iv never actually heard that in a good song.
Belive me. It can be done

But anyways. im done profressing my love for the decemberists.
I only have one beef with them.
North American Tour....No Saskatchewan! WHAT!? well....I guess I kinda saw that coming

What goes down on thanksgiving every year

*grabs a heaping plate of a mound of mashed potatoes, a pile of corn and half the turkey*
*devours it all*
"Holy crap im full, I couldnt eat another bite!.............................Hey!, theres pie!"



Mhmm...thanksgiving is such a north american holiday

(the government having a meeting)
Lets have a holiday which main purpouse is for people around the country to stuff there faces with as much food as they possibly can instead of helping out other needy countries with there starvation problems

Its north american we-have-alot-of-food-and-you-dont weekend!

Happy turkey day

So it turns out I dont have to spend thanksgiving away from my family and giving my dog away

We get to keep bear until christmas!! yay!

Mmm....Hmmm.....

I thought I told myself I wasnt going to write down my dreams anymore when im half asleep.
I lied I guess

I woke up this morning and found this written in the middle of my dream journal for some reason


Fill it up
forgot
got out of car and got roastbeef myself


What...?

In the backseat

"So in the end, was it worth it?
Jesus Christ. How irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last days of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door to get back in.
I'll grant you I've had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by when they're busy making grand plans for it.
Throughout my lifetime I've left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there's almost barely enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent.
There are no more white horses or pretty ladies at my door. "

-Blow

Oh inverted world!

Do you want the bad news first or the good news?


Bad news- I had pretty much the worst day ever today, Im not even going to begin to describe it because i know no one wants to hear it.
Long story short- Flat tire.
getting up at 7 to go and listen to some lady for an hour and a half about immunizations and how much they are going to be ( SOOO expensive )
last minute photo developing gone horribly wrong,
waiting an hour in extra foods as a result of that,
co workers not showing up for work during lunch rush.
not eating.
not getting home until 7 when i was supposed to be home at 530.
sausages for supper.
laptops "r" breaking off


ok so maybe i did begin to describe, but you still dont care haha

*groooooan*

Good news? I bought two good cds today
the new pornographers- twin cinemas
the shins - oh inverted world

aaand my photography mentorship is tommorow!...
I dont even know what to expect though. They told me to bring 6 other pictures with me and I feel like i have to compare to the ones i won with.
im really nervous about it and all the other people who are there with me. i hope there not like..overly really superiour to me.


Maybe ill find a artsy boy there i can date ( haha right jess? ) one can only hope.
After all. I deserve it, no? haha