Am I a weirdo magnet or something???

I watched the sandlot this weekend, what a good movie. its so funny, and those kids do such crazy stuff.
reminds me of my childhood. i mean, i didnt play baseball or run from giant ferocious dog (except one time), but my friends and i did weird fun stuff. i swear we were so weird as kids, but just so cool. i wish i was still that creative.
i mean, i never have ideas like i used to, like using a laundry basket as a pirate ship to navigate around the house... or maybe its just that im too big to fit in that laundry basket anymore... Thats probably it. Because i tried to sleep in a box the other day like i used to and it broke.
Seriosly. It was so fun. youd take a blanket with you and a pillow. put the pillow behind you and stick your legs out and let your butt hang in the box and just sleep.
so fun
Weird that my fondest childhood memories involve being shoved in boxes and stuff and sleeping

On a completly diffrent note:
i feel as though some things lately should really be left untouched because i just screw them up and then ruin something that didnt need to be ruined in the first place.
i should probably figure out which things in life not to mess with because i do it much too often and it leads to me not talking to people anymore and it makes me sad


And to end off. If I EVER catch ANY of you wearing ANY of these costumes. I will personally punch you in the throat. And if I dont...someone will

Just in case someone out there was wondering....

I finally rememberd what I said in that dream

What I said goes along with my previous thought of
"no angel wants to be tied down to the earth like a human"
I remeber me going up on my tiptoes because it was huge and I whisperd into its ear
"why should you be so lucky to leave?"
And it looked back at me but didn't answer

What?
Dreams are strange I tell you.

I got a dog!

His names bear and hes a golden lab!
My dad finally cracked, He came into my room this morning and was like....fine were keeping him.
the reason we have him is because my auntie moved out of her acredge and so my grandma had to take him. but he was chained up all the time so we took him so we can take him for walks and stuff

The plus side is hes only 3 so he doesnt stink.
He got hit by a bus when he was little though and it ran over his hips so they are reconstructed so he has a bit of trouble with one of his legs for a minute after he gets up but its cool.

awww im so excited

Note: the dog in that picture isnt actually bear but he looks almost exactly like that one.
ill post pictures maybe when i get my new camera!

Sorry for plaguing you with lyrics but...

Read these through and realize how many of these statements are true...

Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, sunset.
swiftly go the days.
Sunrise, sunset.You wake up, then you undress.
It always is the same.
a sunrise and the sun sets.
YouÂ’re lying while you confess, keep trying to explain.
a sunrise and the sun sets you realize
then you forget what youÂ’ve been trying to retain.
But everybody knows itÂ’s all about the things
that get stuck inside of your head,
like the songs your roommate sings
a vision of her body as she stretches out on your bed.
and she raised her hands in the air asked you,
When was the last time you looked in the mirror?
cause you have changed.
Yeah, you have changed.
Sunrise, the sun sets.
You are hopeful and then you regret.
The circle never breaks.
With a sunrise and a sunset thereÂ’s a change of heart or address.
Is there nothing that remains?
For a sunrise or a sunset.
YouÂ’re manic or youÂ’re depressed.
Will you ever feel ok?
for a sunrise or sunset, your lover is an actress.
Did you really think sheÂ’d stay?
For a sunrise or sunset.
YouÂ’re either coming or you just left but youÂ’re always on the way.
Towards a sunrise or a sunset, a scribble or a sonnet.
They are really just the same.
To the sunrise and the sunset.
The master and his servant have exactly the same fate.
ItÂ’s a sunrise and a sunset.
From a cradle to a casket.
ThereÂ’s no way to escape.
The sunrise and the sunset.
Hold your sadness like a puppet, keep putting on the play.
But everything you do is leading to the point
where you just wonÂ’t know what to do.
And at that moment you may laugh
but there is someone there who will be laughing louder than you.
So itÂ’s true, the trick is complete.
become everything you said that you never would be.
YouÂ’re a fool! YouÂ’re a fool!
Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, sunset.
The sunrise and the sun sets.
Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, the sun sets.
Sunrise, the sun sets.
Sunrise, sunset.
Go home to your apartment
put the cassette in the tape deck and let that fever play.
Sunrise, sunset.
Where are you Arienette?
Where are you Arienette?

I LOVE those lyrics. So true


But anyways onto the real post.
I came home today and I knew my grandma was coming over.
So I start cleaning up.
She gets in and she brings with her my favorite dog in the entire world! my aunties dog!
its a golden lab and my brother might be keeping it!
Which leads me to my next discovery...Hes moving out in a month...WHAT!?
Why am I the last to know about these things....moving out? Im going to be an only child.
I feel so old.... I just got a job yesterday at the barn playhouse and Im soon getting my application to go to australia in a YEAR.
I just thought about that....In a year...Im gone for 6 months to another freakin continent...what is up with that!? Im so old...
I dont want to grow up....
I want to go back to a time where I can play with lego and imaginary friends and not get looked at strange.
I want nap time
Heck id even take a time out or two
I just want to be a kid again.

Sometimes I just want to put on my headphones, crank the volume and block out the world around me.
Ignore the world screaming at me that its time for me to grow up
time for me to know what im going to do with my life
What if i dont know forsure yet?
What if my plans dont meet your expectations?
I wish i could just lay on my bed, close my eyes and make up my own story
but that only works for so long you know?
your eventually going to get hungry, tired, thirsty, that screaming voice is eventually going to overpower your headphones
Somethings going to make you get up from that magical imaginary world sometime
and somehow thats depressing...

"Broken Wings"

In a dream I spent the day with you
In a carriage bought by blood.
The clouds were singing songs of fear and loss;
And they cut me down to size.
And they cut me down to size.

Broken wings
Have a home tonight.
No one is listening, no one is listening.
When darkness fell on the streets last night,
We never expected, we never expected this.

In a perfect world, I'd never know your name,
And do we even know it when we die?
Or will death just pass us by?
Will death just pass us by?
Please just pass us by.

Broken wings
Have a home tonight.
No one is listening, no one is listening.
When darkness fell on the streets last night,
We never expected, we never expected this.

When all this pain is justified,
While all the time is passing by.
Now is when we clench our fists
Knowing we can fight through this.
The hours and days are gone.
The weeks and months are moving on.
Can't they see that's nothing gonna stop us now?

Broken wings
Have a home tonight.
No one is listening, no one is listening
When darkness fell on the streets last night,
we never expected, we never expected this.

Bonfire of Vanity Rooms...

I had a dream last night.
It was strange...errie yet peaceful
I dreamt I was outside mowing the lawn and I looked up and I saw something magnificant on the other end of my lawn
I looked and there stood an angel, But the thing was this angel had no wings.
I cant explain how I knew it was an angel...it was so beautiful and perfect
The one thing about it that stuck out was is it was crying. Its tears looked as if they were beads of crystal that almost hurt for me to look at they shone so bright.
I remember walking over to it...and feeling terrible.
I mean what angel wants to be stranded on earth without wings?
I said something to it but for the life of me I cant remember what it was...I wish I could I just remember the only thing was all i wanted to was give that angel back its wings, more than anything in the world. And it hurt to know that I couldnt...

Strange yet peaceful in a way...

If I remeber what I said ill let you guys know
If anyone has any idea to what this means that would be cool.


( I want that picture of those angel wings tattood on my back...so cool.
not big or anything but medium size..so its not overwhelming )

Rad...

How you die
Your Name
Age
Eye Colour
Age of Death	87
Cause	Laughter
Your body will	be eaten
This cool quiz by WolfySilver - Taken 9536 Times.

I'm just a walking let down...
I was talking this morning with someone and weve come to the conclusion that friendship is temporary.
No matter how much you love or care for someone. Your eventually going to let them down some time, no matter how hard we try everyone will let down everyone they know.
Maybe its not a huge let down. Maybe it will just be a fickle thing. But there are bound to be those relationship shattering letdowns everyone dreads and will experince
So. when someone says forever. Dont belive them because theres no way someone will live their whole existance not dissapointing someone in some way.wether its there husband /wife /mom /dad /sibling /or even a best friend. hey were only human right?
I know this isnt a pleasant subgect.
Something we dont want to hear. But hey, Its reality

But then I got to thinking. The only "person" you can rely on and trust nowadays is God.
Thats what so great about Him. Hes not human.
Hes not an earthly being that does something stupid and screws up every single day.
Sure we think Hes letting us down in some points of our life but in the end, forever exists with God.
no matter what happens. How many times we let Him down He will always be there.
Holding our hands
I find Hes the only person I can genuinly trust nowadays.

Dont let this rant put you off trusting people all together. That was not my intent.
You need earthly support and friendships. Just dont go around thinking some relationships you have with people arent going to go without some trials.

On a scale of 1 to fantabulous. I give that concert a radtastic!!

I love the feeling of not being able to hear after a concert. Honestly

The "Raise up" concert was definatly awesome. there wasnt a band I didnt like there.

the line up was:

Whittaker www.purevolume.com/whittaker ( very good band. I enjoyed most of it but as with most bands that go first I wasnt too into it by then )

Captain www.purevolume.com/captain ( so fun. I enjoyed them alot. They were really upbeat and...different. The lead singer is my new favorite person lol

Silence Through Injustice www.purevolume.com/silencethroughinjustice ( By far my favorite band of the night. Amazing live they put on a really really good show. I had tons of fun with that one)

The Reception www.purevolume.com/thereception ( I dont...for some reason really remeber them but I know i was standing for it. which is weird. Well i know i liked it though because i like there purevolume site. haha sorry guys)

Means www.purevolume.com/means ( Very good screamer. Wow... I was thouroughly impressed with them overall. They were amazing. They had the crowd going although i was at the back watching nicole to the lights because my legs were about to snap in half)


So good job Zach ( if your reading this ) It was a fun evening for all with ( what i think ) a mighty fine turn out.

Holy peripheral vision Batman!

Hooray for contacts! Iv never had this much peripheral vision and its super weird.
I keep touching my face wanting to feel my glasses but they're not there.

it only took me 2 tries too, hoorah
the only thing is i cant get colord cause i have some wierd stigmatisim which requires stupid lenses which dont come in colors *pout* oh well

Hope you all recognize me tomorow. haha

Also everyone check out http://www.purevolume.com/happychristmas
its a christmas album relased by tooth and nail
its pretty dang sweet and features new and unreleased holiday songs from Emery, Aaron Gillespie from Underoath and Kenny Vasoli from The Starting Line, Mae, Anberlin, Starflyer 59, Hawk Nelson, Spoken, The Fold, Number One Gun, John Davis, plus songs from Relient K, Switchfoot, Copeland, and Eisley!

Not a day goes by that I dont think of you...

Minutes turn to hours, and the hours to days.
Seems it's been forever that I've felt this way.



Ugh, Why do I have to be a stupid girl?








Do you ever feel like screaming as loud as humanly possible?
Boy does it ever feel good. Silence is golden but screaming is fun. When Im frustrated when no ones home I just let it out or go out for a walk into the middle of a feild and just scream as loud as i possibly can. Sure it can hurt if you do it too much; but as Conor Oberst once said. "Screaming is bad for the voice but good for the heart" and he was right on the money with that one.
Today is a day I just want to scream

Old man?



This weekend was pretty good. All in all. It had its low and annoying points but hey I had TONS of pumpkin pie and that made up for it.

But the point of this post is to show all of you how incredibly gullibal I am if you already didnt know.

So my dads really cruel ok? And he would tell us stuff as a kid, wait. he still does it. anyways he makes us belive ridiculous things
Example #1 When I was in grade 4 my dad convinced me it was "potato day" and he got me to bring a potato to school and give it to my teacher. Im cool
Example #2 On april fools day my dad put a sign on the door saying dont go in here. the tub sank an inch this morning and the floor will break. And just my luck I was sick. so i was running to go throw up but no. i see the sign so i have to go puke in the sink lol
You see. my frist clue SHOULD have been. Oh wait. its april fools day and its my dad.
butI didnt even catch how ridiculous the sign really was.
Example #3 Hey steph! theres an elephant!
" dad no theres not"......*slowly looks over to where he pointed*
Example #4 He had me convinced that the confetti at hockey games was money and thats why the seats were so expensive.

And finally Example #5 Wasnt by my dad. But a random stranger store clerk...two nights ago. I was asking for directions and as im walking out the guy goes " OH by the way. your socks untied"
So i slowly glance down. Then i stop. and lift up my pant leg and im like....haha....oh..*realizing how ridiculous his statement was*

Alright. Now you ALL have something to bug me about. This one i brought upon myself.

Well I could have been a famous singer If I had someone elses voice...

I finally picked up my guitar today. And as a result I started writing two songs. I have the guitar remotly down. But the lyrics are a little hurtin. Ones called Nowheresville which I will show no preview. Cause it sucks. Really...really bad.
But ill give you a preveiw of my other one

the separation of my body and mind is what I feel inside
an endless journey throughout lost time
I find only the blind can see there is a difference between you and me.
They have no sight to believe, but that doesnt mean unreality.
we achieve identity through what we feel.
we learn from mistakes heart aches and heart breaks
the lives of our loved and the fakers we hate

Yep. thats all I have so far. Any suggestions or critizisims are accepted in the comments section of this post.

Hooray for long weekends!!
I only had 2 classes today which resulted in me going into the city with carrie brennan and kaylee to interveiw someone for our project.

One of the highlights was definatly waiting to get into his apartment cause he forgot to let us in.

"Uhm...he didnt buzz to open the door......should we call him again..."
*2 minutes later*
"oh!..here he comes... very slowly..." "Hello"
"Im disabled"
*Brennan and Steph are almost dieing trying to contain laughter*

We were done early so we went to Wendys/Tim Hortons and picked something up for Braden at Zellers
On the way home Carrie broke the law. And I laughed

Everyone have a scrumptious Thanksgiving.

I had a friend who changed his name but he couldnt change himself...

Dun dun dun...heres another rendition of 10 things most people dont know about me
Just because im bored

1. I love the feeling of mud between my toes
2. I dont mind country music as much as I say I do. But I still dont like it
3. I used to despise any form of screaming in any song. And now thats basically all I listen to
4. I havent played guitar in over 4 months. And I feel like playing everyday. I just dont and I dont know why
5. I find any guy that gets behind an instrument automatically gets hotter. lol
6. Im a sucker for the style of emo on guys ( I know,... i know )
7. Im going to go deaf before im 30 because everytime im home alone i crank my stereo as loud as it can go ( its hooked up to my surround sound. lol )
8. I love the sound of rain and distant thunder. ( thunderstorms are my FAVORITE thing ever)
9. Coffee does nothing for me. It just tastes good. Thats why I drink it
10. Im very nervous for Saturday...(maybe)

Save your Scissors...

So go on
And I will refrain
And I'll keep on running this neverending race
maybe next time will be the right time
and maybe next time will be your time

So save your scissors
For someone elses skin
My surface is so tough
I don't think the blade will dig in
Save your strength
Save your wasted time
There's no way that I want you to be left behind
Go on save your scissors
Save your scissors

There is something that I must confess to you tonight
To you tonight
And that is I expect nothing less from you tonight
From you tonight


So this song describes alot how im feeling lately.
For those of you who I talked to about it. You can probably figure it out.

Basically its this in a nutshell

The first part of this song kind of speaks of my "neverending race" of peoples expectations of me and how I "have" to act
The chorus. Save your words for someone else. Because I dont care anymore Im not letting it affect me like I did before
And last but not least. Im not expecting anything to change. Because it wont.

sorry if that made no sense. I find relating to music is easy and I had to put it down in words. I guess more so for my benifit then yours.

Felicity Van Loon

So I tried out for the drama " the phantom of the opr'y " On monday and they posted the parts today.
All I have to say is, I got ripped off again.
But hey. I didn't have my hope too high Because everyone who I expected to get main, did.
At least this time I was expecting something not too great.
Whatever at least im in it right?
Apparantly I'm an "uppity audience member" Who insults everyone. So I guess it could be kind of fun.



In other news. I get my contacts soon. Sometime early this week. Woo hoo.

On another note. The loving...Caring, Greg Sawatzky kindly pointed out this songs relavance to my life.
Come gather round' and I shall show you these lyrics

Reliant K - Maintain Consciousness
Our concentration it contains a deadly flaw
our conversations change from words to blah, blah blah
we took prescription drugs but look how much good that did
well I think I had a point, but I just got distracted

Lately it just seems to me
like we've got the letters A.D.D.
branded into our mentality
we simply can't focus on anything

because its17, 18, 19 routine
and here at 23 it's the same old me
and that one thing of the moment
that we all happen to like will
only very temporarily
kinda break the cycle
of the double edged sword
of being lazy and being bored
we just want more and more and more
till it's all we can afford

to keep our eyes open for just one more day
to keep on hoping that we'll stumble on a way
to keep our minds open for just one more day
cause its completely up to us
to maintain consciousness

well no one can possibly listen to this
more than 4 reps is just monotonous
we're losing interest, losing interest, losing interest

because its17, 18, 19 routine
and here at 23 it's the same old me
and that one thing of the moment
that we all happen to like will
only very temporarily
kinda break the cycle
of the double edged sword
of being lazy and being bored
we just want more and more and more
till it's all we can afford
to keep our eyes open for just one more day
to keep on hoping that we'll stumble on a way
to keep our minds open for just one more day
cause its completely up to usto maintain consciousness

to keep our eyes open for just one more dayt
o keep on hoping that we'll stumble on a way
to keep our minds open for just one more day
cause its completely up to us
to maintain consciousness

Sing me something soft, Sad and delicate, or loud and out of key, sing me anything...

I love cleaning out mouse roller things... like you know those little things inside your mouse that collects layers of dirt and you can pick it off?
I find it extremly satisfying.
Maybe im weird though. But maybe im not.

Im already starting to get really nervous about after school. I know I shouldn't be this early in the year but I know forsure that I want to do the DTS program with YWAM after I graduate.
Iv been looking at the YWAM site. And I have NO idea how to go about signing up. When to sign up, HOW to sign up and what base I want to go to.
So if anyone knows ANYTHING about signing up or anything please please talk to me or something.
I know its early in the year but Id feel more comfortable knowing ahead of time.
thanks in advance.