Freedumb

"I belive that apathy and self interest will be the death of our nation, and it will happen sooner than anyone could imagine"


I dont think I'v ever visited a site and seen something that I fully 200% agree with more than this picture.

Our nation is going in a downward spiral of ignorance and selfishness.,its only getting worse.
People are caring less and less for people around the world , not to mention in their own community. Now a days you will more commonly get a glare, the finger, a honk, or something yelled at you rather than a smile.
People dont care about issues such as poverty, homelessness, gangs, disease and drugs in their own community so what makes you think people are going to muscle up the energy to do something about a problem halfway around the globe?
Everyone is too caught up in their lives , not sparing an ounce of energy on someone else wether it be holding open a door or volenteering at a homeless shelter, not sparing a penny because God forbid they cant buy that new pair of designer shoes they've been eyeing for some time because they just gave the money to a charity.
And this is just on the topic of our own community. Why dont I ever see big organizations who make millions doing something good and donate to a charity or good cause. Or more importantly, why dont I ever see individuals doing so?

Not saying NOBODY does anything for good causes or people in need. Because there are alot of people who do. and thats great I admire those who are taking the extra effort to help out. But the number of people who could care less about the world out-numbers the ones who do.

If we keep up this downward spiral of ignorance pretty soon no ones going to know about HIV/AIDS in Africa, There not going to know about the Genocide happening in Darfur. People are going to forget about the Hurricane victims of the Hurricane Katrina who still need our help. Global warming will become a myth. Or even worse. They will remember it. Just be too apathetic towards the whole situation and pull the " Well why cant someone else handle it?" " I shouldnt have to be responsible for something that doesnt concern nor affect me"

I was actually viewing a message board the other day. and the topic was on the earths carrying capacity and if the earth could handle its current rate of consumption ( food , gas, resources, ect ) and the possibility of resources running out. and this was one persons response to the isssue.
"Of course it can't, but I don't give a shit as long as the resources run out after I'm dead."

THIS is the very reason our society is going down the loo. Its responses like that, regarding a major issue that is very real , makes me doubt the intellegence / lifespan of humankind as we know it. Because as much as we'd like to disagree, theres far more of THOSE people then people who will do something about it.

Im not saying im the perfect human being. Im not saying I do all that I can do to help those in need. Im not even saying im not one of those people who completly forget about everyone who isnt within arms reach.
Because I know that I could be doing more, I rarely give to charitys, I volenteer occasionally, but only when its convienient for me. and when its something I think could be fun.
Im not perfect. Thats my point. And this whole realization has been nudging me to try to make a difference. Not to go as far as to cure AIDS but, start with something smaller.
Awareness is a major part of curing/solving/helping.
We need to find out about this stuff and tell people.

I wish ignorance wasn't bliss. Ignorance should be painful.

Being attractive is overrated

Thats right my friends, a triceratops.




Anyways. that picture had nothing to do with anything. nor does the title but hey. What are you gonna do? shoot me?

So today, ...I dont know. Felt good to say the least. Its been a while since I could say that and it feels nice.
I had a dream last night. ( first one in a while mind you. I think works prevented me from dreaming or something ) I wont go into the details of it but I took it as a sign that my life isnt going in the right direction and people who care about me have noticed. and are wanting to help out.
Not like im a renagade and am getting drunk everynight ( or ever for that matter ) but you know, im not who I used to be. And if you know ( or should I say "knew" ) me, i think you'd agree.
I DO like the people im friends with now. I really do. Love them to peices. But sometimes I think I need that...familiar,.....I dont really know what it is about the old crew. but whatever it is. its genuine. All the time. Not when they feel like it, not when they have to. But its because thats just how they are. genuine. I dont think I can put it more simply than that.
I had something tonight I needed. I had a girls night with girls who care about me. I miss those nights. and I had a ton of fun. I dont know why I ever left that. It wasnt intentional thats forsure if any of you girls are reading this.
I dont know how or why it happend. But im sorry. I dont want to lose you girls again. I dont wanna lose ANYone again. Your too good to me. I dont want my life to get in the way of that again. And if you guys still want I want alot more nights like that.

Im not ready to give up on who I used to be. But I want to work on the new me too. I have changed yes. but, some parts for the better and I just need to decide which is which. What I can do without and what I cant live without.

THIS will be a trip.

New years survey

1. What did you do this year that you've never done before?
Alot of things. some things im not proud of. Some things I am

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I dont remember my resolution for last year. But this year it will definatly be to do more internet surveys . haha because I clearly havent done enough.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth this year?
Katie!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope

5. What countries did you visit this year?
zero.

6. What would you like to have in the next year that you lacked this year?
Money, and ambition

7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory - and why?
The entire summer for me. Mostly the lake weekend. So many friends gained and lost. It was a happy sad kind of thing. But this summer has definatly been one of the best of my life by far.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Winning the photography competition I entered

9. What was your biggest failure of the year?
Uhm, probably not saving up enough money to go to australia in January

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Probably like. colds and the flu. But thats all I can recall

11. What was the best thing you bought this year?
All my wicked awesome cd's.

12.Whose behavior merited celebration (a public or private personality)?
I dont really understand this question. That or I dont know how to answer it.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Oh I could think of a few people. But im not naming names.

14. Where did most of your money go this year?
Gas and Australia

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about this year?
The lake. Leaving two weeks after this year ended.

16. What song will always remind you of this year?
Soco amaretto lime by brand new

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- happier or sadder?
- richer or poorer?
- thinner or fatter ( I think, im not even sure )

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Saving my money

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Spending my money

20. How did you spend the holidays?
at my house with my family

21. Did you fall in love this year?
No i dont think so

22. How many one-night stands did you have this year?
365...I mean...0

23. What was your favorite TV program for the year?
As always. The simpsons!

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Oh probably

25. What was the best book you read this year?
Screwtape letters

26. What was your favorite film of the year?
Does it have to be made in this year? if not. garden state or waking life

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?
a little bit of everything. "whatever i finds i keeps"

28. Whom did you miss this year?
Carrie, Braden, kurtis when he was in the dominican

29. Who was the best new person you met this year?
Joey then rob

30. What are your wishes for 2007
That ignorance wouldnt be bliss. but it would be painful

31.Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned for this year.
DONT PROCRASTINATE!!! if you want something you have to get up off your ass and do it.

Wheres 32?

33. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Sufjan Stevens and The Decemberists by FAR

34. What did you want and get?
An Ipod nano

35. What did you want and not get?
A digital SLR but I wasnt really counting on it

37. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 18 and I spent the evening at my house with some friends. playing simpsons jeapordy

38. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Knowing im leaving in 2 weeks. but im not.

40. What kept you sane?
Music, my friends in the summer

41. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Dilbert

42. What political issue stirred you the most?
So many, and not any.

WHY are there SO many missing??

45. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year
“There’s reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last.”
"Heres to the nights we felt alive. heres to the tears you knew youd cry"
"I wanna stay 18 forever, so we can stay like this forever"

iFraud ( happy birthday Jesus )

Not that I wanted to make this post about the idealistic aspect of christmas. Im not normally one to be materialistic and all that stuff, But this was a little bit too funny to pass up.

So this morning yah im unwrapping presents. I get to my parents gift to me and im expecting the iPod nano they were giving me for my birthday and christmas. I happily unwrap it thinking im finally able to carry something more convienent at work. hip hip huzzah!
Anyways so yeah I open it. And I look inside and sure enough. theres my mp3 player. Hoozah
Except....
It looks a little diffrent. (such as no touch wheel and no hold button )But it still says apple ipod on it so I think to myself oh pfft thats ok. its probably just the new version I heard they came out with. So im not thinking much of it until I tried putting music onto it.
First of all the manual was in broken english and my computer wouldnt recognize the software. So I thought...weird
I finally figured out a way to put on music and I tried listening to it and the menu is all screwed up, NOTHING like an iPod should be. so finally I was like oooooook whats going on. And I looked it up on the net and found out it was a conterfeit mp3 player.
Yay for Illegal presents on christmas!


This is it. Mines white though. Haha

Inspi(red)

Alot of stuff I've been reading/hearing/seeing lately has left me inspired.

Inspired to do what? I dont know. Ha, When do I ever know? Im retarded like that. I have this uncontrolable urge to do something but I never know what it is. Ever. And when I do know things always ALWAYS fall through or I just give up. Its cool. Maybe I should change that

Maybe its just nice to see people who give a damn, people who know what their passions hopes and dreams are and go for it.
Maybe its nice to see everyones not a tangled mess like me and actually have there mind figured out and arent afraid to try something they've wanted to do. Weather it be writing a song, starting a band, or trying to make a diffrence in the lives of others less fortunate than we are.
Maybe its nice to see that the human race isnt totally hopeless and gone to waste.
Maybe I want to be somebody like that. Or be like that again. Who knows?
I know I dont.


I like to think that I have myself figured out. But newsflash! I really dont.
( what a suprise )

Would you like that supersized?

Ambition,
ambition is a tricky thing.
It’s like riding a unicycle over a dental floss tightrope over a wilderness of razor blades.
Ambition can backfire.
Ambition means more,
ambition means faster,
ambition means better.
What if you could supersize – can you supersize ambition?
Does that make you ambitious to supersize ambition?
Around here, our ambition hurts more than it helps.
See, around here, our ambition throws a non-perishable item into the donation box at Christmas
and pats itself on the back because it thinks it’s done something decent.
Yeah, we’re supersizing ambition.
Make no mistake about it.
(It’s alright, sooner or later)
Ambition will televise the revolution,
and it will sell more commercial spots than the Super Bowl,
the Olympics,
the World Series,
and the tragedY DE JOUR combined.
We’re supersizing,
we’re supersizing the record,
because we’re ambitious.




Yay Leah and lending me wicked awesome cd's . Yay Matt Good
Yay

Sufjan instead of city sounds

Well, I conquerd myself for a moment, but that moment was quickly taken away from me.
My fights not in the flesh but in the spirit, and thats the worst kind, it feels like im slowly being defeated, thrown on to a merry go round about to be hurled into the mericlous eternity of outer space ( although the trip would be cool until the enevitable exploding of my head )

Im getting lost and left behind in a world of petty cash, news flash, and white trash. Im left alone with my head at night to think...I have too much time to think about what will happen, what could happen, what could HAVE happend and my worries about tommorow. I try to stop but Im still left laying in bed staring at my ceiling. waiting. hoping for the stars to come down on me. Im losing my mind

Why is it that anxiety stress and panic are more common to me around Christmas than a good fun merry Christmas spirit?



I sat on a bench beside the road today for an hour, drowning out the city traffic with the soothing tunes of Sufjan Stevens. People were looking at me weird and I didnt care. I was getting wet with the mucky melted snow being tossed up from the tires, and I didnt care. I was cold. and my butt and feet were wet from my poor attempt to get past a snowbank to the bench and another poor attempt at brushing off the snow from the seat. but I didnt care.
For at that exact moment, everything was ok, everything was peaceful and for once I wasnt busy thinking ...and that was fine.