nuclear bomb

I have no appetite and im constantly sick. what the hell is wrong with me?

maybe its because its physically impossible for me to rest? I work an 8 hour day 11 - 7 , the entire day on my feet , not "allowed" to take a break ( we are "allowed" but its always busy so they dont let you )  because its all in the biz. and i come home. change and usually go out right away, come home and stay up till 4 because i cant effing sleep.

I go out because i crave to be around people or im depressed and i stay up because my body hates me. and refuses to shut down before 4 am. 

or maybe its just because im extremely stressed and my body doesnt know what to do with itself. .... most possibly.

i hate that stress has taken up such a huge part of my life. its so enevitable its like a heartbeat, or a breath of air. ( repugnant stale air mind you )

it just bursts into my buisness throughout the day. and leaves just as fast, but usually likes to hang out with me for at least 3/4 of my day.

I guess im just good company

I just want someone to be able to tell me everythings going to be alright....

I should be sleeping

guess what? good news: i have had more of a peace about mostly everything lately. about work, about leaving and just life in general

Even though im still dreaming about work at least 3 times a week ( and not good dreams either. see one of my older posts for a referance) 

im not feeling quite as hostile towards going to work anymore ( note the word "quite") im getting more hours lately which leaves less stress about money, which leaves less stress about leaving. which leaves less stress about everything in general because thats what i seem to be revolving my life around lately.

sad yes. but a fact 

and iv actually have had a chance to hang out with some friends like the old days as well. the last few nights iv gone down by the river eaten some cake and taken my neon frisbee out and threw it around for a couple hours with some good chums. Iv gotten to go to the forestry farm a couple times already since its "opened" for the season . i cant wait for the bears to come!

and soon me and some friends ( about 20 of them ) are going up to turtle lake to joeys cabin from friday to monday, it should pretty much be the best ever.

although like the title suggests i should be sleeping. so i bid you adieu , after all. my sleeping pills are kicking in and i might not make much sense anymore.

 

JACKED!

1. How long did you stay up last night and why?
1 30 or something. which is early for me but since i work at 11 now i have to go to bed early

2. What was the first thing you thought when you got up this morning?
i can sleep 15 more minutes

4. What did you do all day yesterday?
I woke up. bought the wintersleep cd. picked up my mom and drove to dalmeny, made supper. watched simpsons. went to youth. came home and slept

5. Where do you work?
rickys all day grill

6. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
i...hope so? but i doubt it

7. Do you own a stereo that costs more than $100?
Yes, because my laptop is my stereo.

8. When's the next time you'll see your best friend(s)?
uhm. hopefully soon?

9. Hows your heart feeling lately?
that was pretty emo of you. but also. a little unsettled.

10. What were you doing this morning at 5am?
Sleeping...id like to see if someone had a different answer


11. What were you doing this afternoon at 12pm?
working through the lunch rush. boo

12. What did you have for lunch today?
a mushroom burger

13. Have you graduated from high school yet?
In 2006

14. What was the reason you last cried?
stress

15. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
Yes. high on many things " guys...is my face melting into a bucket?"

16. What do you want your room to look like when you get your own place?
uhm. id like to say neat but i know it wont be. but it will have a touch of "me" in it....or something cool

17. What song is stuck in your head?
for once, nothing

18. Who was the last two people to text you?
alyssa saying shell be on her way soon and 611 telling me my balance is .63 cents. that one was nice

19. What's the fifth text in your inbox say?
5th from the start or 5th newest?
Joey- Damn you
or
katie saying in a bit i will


20. How many red lights have you run?
im a yellow light bandit. but i dont think iv purposly ran any

21. Did you get pulled over?
Not for that

22. What was your least favorite grade?
all of highschool?

23. Why?
i dont want to talk about it

24. Who was the last person you talked to last night before bed?
raelynn or jer

25. Who's the last person you kissed?
i dont want to talk about it

26. What does your hair look like right now?
pretty hagrid. its greasy and in pig tails

27. Is there anything that you are craving now?
Chocolate milk. ( mmm )

28. Do you wear socks to bed?
most of the time

29. Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
No, its pretty hard to mess up stephanie anderson

30. Have you ever started a sentence with "No offense, but..."?
Of course.

31. Do you drink tea?
No, not often at all. but i will if its put in front of me sometimes

32. Have you ever been arrested?
No.

33. Whose car did you last ride in other then your own?
coras friend brad

34. Have you made a mistake this past week?
most likely. im a waitress

35. What are you listening to right now?
Nothing, rae's computer game and her talking

36. Who was the last person you texted?
alyssa

37. Do you miss someone?
over 30 people im sure

38. Are you happy with your life right now?
mmm not really. but i will be once i get out of here

39. Who is more active in your relationships?
what?

40. What was the last movie you saw in theatres and with who?
uuuuuhm
something with katie. something bad probably

41. What do you need to be doing right now?
out with someone

42. What's the connection between you and the last person you texted?
shes my buddah ol pal

43. What is wrong with you right now?
lets not EVEN go there

44. Who was your best friend in middle school?
middle school? carrie and...jess?? whats MIDDLE school?

45. Who do you hate?
rude people?

46. Was your best friend at school/work today?
no i dont work with her and i dont go to school

47. What do you wear to bed?
some fake lu lu s and t shirt

48. Has anyone gotten on your nerves lately?
Always.

50. What do you call your bf/gf?
imaginary

51. What do you want to be "when you grow up"?
a photojournalist

52. Can you see yourself married with kids and a good job 10 years from now?
ew. kids

53. Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
i hope so?

54. What were you doing at 7 pm on Friday night?
i dont even remember. thats bad
OH a bbq with the bitners

55. What's going on during this week?
work.....work....uhm....work? tokyo police club and....work?

56. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
sooooooo many people