Waiting for the past...

I hate seeing people after not seeing them for like a year. Someone youve got to know over a certain period of time and you once considerd them a close friend.
its like every little conversation and everything that you have done together has just come undone. all that time of knowing each other has dissappeard.
Thats why I hate not keeping in touch with people I really got to know or enjoyed during the summer. I always say im going to keep in touch. You know. Go for coffee. And plans always fall through.
You know. I try maybe once or twice but after that I completly give up. And it sucks.
Everyone whos reading this from camp or ...anywhere where that I cant keep in touch. Lets keep it up?
I dont want to have another one of those awkward experinces passing you by in a mall and not being sure that you recognize or even know me anymore. Iv had it happen one to many times and its kind of depressing.

Anyways...dun dun dun dun!! heres a boys rant. woo hoo! so if you dont feel like listening to me whine. I suggest you close this box. HA!

I have pretty much decided to give up on guys yet again. It's just not worth getting all excited about. I go to school and I am surrounded by attractive (and not so attractive males) and none of them show a smidgen of interest in me.
I only know a few superficially, and there's no reason to drool over guys that aren't into me or share my beliefs.
I've always been honest when the subject comes up: i'm waiting for a guy to pursue me. People act like i'm crazy when i admit that (that i want the guy to make the first move). They act like, "How can you honestly expect a guy to have the guts to make the first move?!?"
People ALWAYS try to convince EVERYONE that you dont need to date in highschool but why are we supposed to be independent, not need anyone, and act as if we're perfect? I'm not perfect, i hate being independent, and i do need someone. I need God, but i also feel incomplete being single, even when He's overflowing my heart with love and joy. Why should i be ashamed to admit that?
When God created Adam and all the animals He saw that Adam was alone and lonely, that there was no companion suitable for him, and so He made one (Genesis 2:18-24)! And so if God did that for Adam and Eve i believe that i am designed to perfect one man's life just as he is designed to perfect mine. God made us for each other.
Anyways, i'm just so sick of thinking about it all the time. Every time i meet a guy i think: "Could he be the one?" And of course he's not. He's not interested. He's attractive, he's nice, but he's not him.
They always say that you'll find him when you stop looking for him (who in the world is "they" anyway? it drives me wild how they always feel that they're an authority about my life) you'll find him. So i gave up on guys. I didn't find one (i thought i might have, but we never got past the crush stage: he didn't want to be friends even, apparently).
I slowly started looking again as i got more and more lonely, more and more desperate. I still haven't found him and now i'm a whiney damsel in distress. I don't want that. I don't want to be imagining up situations where prince charming comes and rescues me--because quite honestly i don't know that i'd want him rescuing me even if he did come--but i'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that maybe that's exactly who God designed me to be (the damsel in distress).
As much as i hate to admit it, i want to be rescued, too. Not that i want my husband to replace God in my life, but i just don't feel complete being single, either.
Now i know that a lot of people are saying to themselves right now: "You don't need or want a guy, you don't know how lucky you are," and, "See the world while you still can," etc.
F rankly i don't want to see the world alone. Sure, i want to go on the Amazing Race but have no one to do it with. I want to travel around the world, but not alone. ... i just want to at least find a guy to give me my first kiss.
That's not life... it's holding my breath and waiting for life to begin. I'm sick of it. I don't want to find some random guy and date him, but i'm tired of crushes not getting past eye tag and long conversations where we click but nothing happens.
I've never even been asked out on a date. I'm so tired of waiting. I know i'm weak, i know i should have more patience, because yeah. I am only 17. But with all the dating mumbo jumbo going on around me. every corner I turn makes me want to be in that position...just once.
But it never happens.
It's in God's hands and He'll have it timed out all sweet and perfect. But im the most impatient person ever so its gonna be hard but i will wait for God to send ....someone
Ill just have to suck it up and wait some more I guess.