Sufjan instead of city sounds

Well, I conquerd myself for a moment, but that moment was quickly taken away from me.
My fights not in the flesh but in the spirit, and thats the worst kind, it feels like im slowly being defeated, thrown on to a merry go round about to be hurled into the mericlous eternity of outer space ( although the trip would be cool until the enevitable exploding of my head )

Im getting lost and left behind in a world of petty cash, news flash, and white trash. Im left alone with my head at night to think...I have too much time to think about what will happen, what could happen, what could HAVE happend and my worries about tommorow. I try to stop but Im still left laying in bed staring at my ceiling. waiting. hoping for the stars to come down on me. Im losing my mind

Why is it that anxiety stress and panic are more common to me around Christmas than a good fun merry Christmas spirit?



I sat on a bench beside the road today for an hour, drowning out the city traffic with the soothing tunes of Sufjan Stevens. People were looking at me weird and I didnt care. I was getting wet with the mucky melted snow being tossed up from the tires, and I didnt care. I was cold. and my butt and feet were wet from my poor attempt to get past a snowbank to the bench and another poor attempt at brushing off the snow from the seat. but I didnt care.
For at that exact moment, everything was ok, everything was peaceful and for once I wasnt busy thinking ...and that was fine.