I'm dreaming less and sleeping more, but I'll sell my soul for the dream you stole

Is this week going painfully slow for anyone else??

Life is waiting for you...

life is to...
sing, dance, laugh, cry, smile, hope, hurt, scribble, dream, declare, pray, learn, forget, win, stand,lose, fall,
to hold on tight and never ever let go.

If you don't fill this out...i will rock you.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
1. I died from natural causes:
2. I kissed you:
3. I lived next door to you:
4. I started smoking:
5. I stole something:
6. I was hospitalized:
7. I ran away from home:
8. I got into a fight and you weren't there?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
9. Personality:
10. Eyes:
11. Hair:
12. Family:

WOULD YOU:
13. Be my friend?:
14. Keep a secret if I told you one?:
15. Hold my hand?
16. Take a bullet for me?
17. Keep in touch?:
18. Try and solve my problems?:
19. Love me?:
20. Date me?:

HAVE YOU EVER:
21. Lied to make me feel better?:
22. Wanted to kiss me?:
23. Wanted to kill me?:
24. Broke my heart?:
25. Kept something important from me?:
26. Thought I was unbearably annoying?

::And More::
27. Who are you?
28. Are we friends?
29. When and how did we meet?
30. Describe me in one word:
31. What was your first impression?
32. Do you still think that way about me now?
33. What reminds you of me?
34. If you could give me anything what would it be?
35. How well do you know me?
36. When's the last time you saw me?
37. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
38. Are you gonna put this on yours to see what I say about you?

Cosmetics are too strong for your pretty face...

[This picture eventually applys. I swear]

So I just got back from the Bella concert ( Woo hoo Dalmeny fame ) And it was incredible. They are so good live and are just a bunch of goofs. I love it when bands have fun instead of totaly looking like they dont belive in the concept of fun. haha.

Honestly though. It was so surreal at the start.
Let me set the mood for those of you who havent been to the bassment
So we walk in this really skinny staircase. Into a Unusually dark room ( well to me anyways. Never really been to a "bar/music club" before )
And theres people sitting around. We go sit at a table in the corner near the bar and I look over the area
I see some normal looking kids, You know. Normal clothes..normal...youthfull age.
Upon scanning over the crowd. I stop at a man whos standing by the bar. By himself. Hes in a tux. Hes older, and hes holding a martini. Im thinking. What in the world?
Then. If he couldnt possibly look stranger. The band that was playing before Bella. Called him up and , Yup. Auctioned him off " for one night "
After a bit of coaxing and guilting the crowd the band got the ladies up to 5 dollars. Yep. A guy who looks like hes worth $800 ( not in looks wise but dress and,...martini wise) Goes for 5 dollars.
All I could do but laugh. And pinch myself because I thought I was dreaming. and there were no light switches around to flick on and off ( If you dont know what I mean by that. Ask me? )

Oh to make the situation more surreal. Yeah. Josh Palmer was sitting behind us. By himself. Looking depressed. So....that was cool/weird I guess.

Oh But the tunes were great. The band first was called....uuuh.....C...something ( someone help me out ) And they were decent, They were like a 7 peice indie band kind of thing.
They had the whole violin, harp, trombone, trumpet, piano, drums, guitar, ( hahahaha does anyone remember that guy who came to sell magazines at our school..."who wants the stuie doll" He was DEFINATLY the drummer which also adds to the surreal...ity)
I loved the music and the lyrics. they were so random. but I wasnt crazy over the guys voice. Although it did remind me of bright eyes
The cool thing was is the violin player ( also he was dressed in like 80s workout clothing) played his violion like a guitar at one point and plugged it in to the...( im risking looking like an idiot here) Distortion? thing. Sorry I dont know what its called. But it sounded sweet

Bella was TONS of fun. There music just makes you want to get up and dance no matter how mennonite you think you are. ( No im not mennonite. im just making a point )
Cam is such a nut it was halarious watching that guy. Pretty much my favorite. And then they all started doing a robot...type thing. Which i thought was pretty sweet if i do say so myself.
They got everyone standing up and dancing dispite Kerris moms attempts to sit everyone down because she couldnt see.
So good job guys. Although I doubt anyone from Bella reads this. Haha.

Bloodless...

Some things are better left unsaid. Sometimes I just dont want to know because It breaks my heart to know I have no effect on what he does. Nothing can be done thats right in my mind.
I guess all thats left to do is pray.

[ I wouldn't mind some of you to pray for this as well. Actually, Id really appreciate it.
I know none of you know what im talking about and im not about to post it bluntly on my blog for the whole world to see. So I dunno. Thanks in advance for the blind prayer I guess? Sorry if this whole thing made no sense. ]

Cellar Door...

Ugh this is one of those times where I feel like I should be saying something profound. But nothings coming out.
Oh well. Ill just bore you again with my crazy antics....

I just watched the breakfast club. One of my favorite movies
It has a scene that is on my top 10 list of favorite movie scenes. Where they are dancing around at the end. You know...If youve seen it im sure you know what im talking about.

Which reminds me. Since its quarter to 2 and im not tired at all. Im going to bore you with my top 10 movie scenes ( in no praticular order )

1. The Breakfast Club - When there dancing around. As I explained before.
2. Waynes World - Where there driving around in the car listening to bohemian rapsody
3. Donnie Darko - Where hes talking to Frank in the movie theatre ( also that scene contains one of my favorite movie lines which is ( Donnie : Why are you wearing that stupid rabbit suit?
Frank: Why are you wearing that stupid man suit? )
4. Monty Python Search For The Holy Grail - tim the enchanter
5. Grease - the ending song"we go together" Except that they fly away in a car. Thats dumb
6. Phantom of the Opera - The mirror scene. Where he takes her into his lair with the 80s music in the background haha
7. The Wizard of Oz - The lady pedaling on the bicycle outside Dorothys bedroom window as the house is caught in the center of the tornado
8. Edward Scissor Hands - The very end scene when she explains how she knows hes still alive or when she dances in the snow from his ice sculptures
9. Donnie Darko - When hes in the psyciatrists office when he sees Frank
10. Almost famous - When they are on the bus singing hold me closer tiny dancer


Well there you have it. Boring enough for you? I hope so.

Waiting for the past...

I hate seeing people after not seeing them for like a year. Someone youve got to know over a certain period of time and you once considerd them a close friend.
its like every little conversation and everything that you have done together has just come undone. all that time of knowing each other has dissappeard.
Thats why I hate not keeping in touch with people I really got to know or enjoyed during the summer. I always say im going to keep in touch. You know. Go for coffee. And plans always fall through.
You know. I try maybe once or twice but after that I completly give up. And it sucks.
Everyone whos reading this from camp or ...anywhere where that I cant keep in touch. Lets keep it up?
I dont want to have another one of those awkward experinces passing you by in a mall and not being sure that you recognize or even know me anymore. Iv had it happen one to many times and its kind of depressing.

Anyways...dun dun dun dun!! heres a boys rant. woo hoo! so if you dont feel like listening to me whine. I suggest you close this box. HA!

I have pretty much decided to give up on guys yet again. It's just not worth getting all excited about. I go to school and I am surrounded by attractive (and not so attractive males) and none of them show a smidgen of interest in me.
I only know a few superficially, and there's no reason to drool over guys that aren't into me or share my beliefs.
I've always been honest when the subject comes up: i'm waiting for a guy to pursue me. People act like i'm crazy when i admit that (that i want the guy to make the first move). They act like, "How can you honestly expect a guy to have the guts to make the first move?!?"
People ALWAYS try to convince EVERYONE that you dont need to date in highschool but why are we supposed to be independent, not need anyone, and act as if we're perfect? I'm not perfect, i hate being independent, and i do need someone. I need God, but i also feel incomplete being single, even when He's overflowing my heart with love and joy. Why should i be ashamed to admit that?
When God created Adam and all the animals He saw that Adam was alone and lonely, that there was no companion suitable for him, and so He made one (Genesis 2:18-24)! And so if God did that for Adam and Eve i believe that i am designed to perfect one man's life just as he is designed to perfect mine. God made us for each other.
Anyways, i'm just so sick of thinking about it all the time. Every time i meet a guy i think: "Could he be the one?" And of course he's not. He's not interested. He's attractive, he's nice, but he's not him.
They always say that you'll find him when you stop looking for him (who in the world is "they" anyway? it drives me wild how they always feel that they're an authority about my life) you'll find him. So i gave up on guys. I didn't find one (i thought i might have, but we never got past the crush stage: he didn't want to be friends even, apparently).
I slowly started looking again as i got more and more lonely, more and more desperate. I still haven't found him and now i'm a whiney damsel in distress. I don't want that. I don't want to be imagining up situations where prince charming comes and rescues me--because quite honestly i don't know that i'd want him rescuing me even if he did come--but i'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that maybe that's exactly who God designed me to be (the damsel in distress).
As much as i hate to admit it, i want to be rescued, too. Not that i want my husband to replace God in my life, but i just don't feel complete being single, either.
Now i know that a lot of people are saying to themselves right now: "You don't need or want a guy, you don't know how lucky you are," and, "See the world while you still can," etc.
F rankly i don't want to see the world alone. Sure, i want to go on the Amazing Race but have no one to do it with. I want to travel around the world, but not alone. ... i just want to at least find a guy to give me my first kiss.
That's not life... it's holding my breath and waiting for life to begin. I'm sick of it. I don't want to find some random guy and date him, but i'm tired of crushes not getting past eye tag and long conversations where we click but nothing happens.
I've never even been asked out on a date. I'm so tired of waiting. I know i'm weak, i know i should have more patience, because yeah. I am only 17. But with all the dating mumbo jumbo going on around me. every corner I turn makes me want to be in that position...just once.
But it never happens.
It's in God's hands and He'll have it timed out all sweet and perfect. But im the most impatient person ever so its gonna be hard but i will wait for God to send ....someone
Ill just have to suck it up and wait some more I guess.

Oh no! hes locked the gate from the other side! we have to go around the other way!

My weekends actually turning around. For one thing. I dont care about the below post. Im done caring. And my day went really well starting last night.

Me and my dad watched hitchikers guide to the galaxy last night. Two words for you. SO FUNNY!
Thats exactly my kind of movie. So random
The following was one of my favorite quotes, although, it is long. so im sorry

The Book: It is important to note that suddenly, and against all probability, a Sperm Whale had been called into existence, several miles above the surface of an alien planet. Since this isn't a naturally terrible position for a whale, this innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity. This is what it thought, as it fell;
The Whale: Ahhh! Woooh! What's happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I?
Okay okay, calm down calm down get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? Its a sort of tingling in my... well I suppose I better start finding names for things. Lets call it a... tail! Yeah! Tail! And hey, what's this roaring sound, whooshing past what I'm suddenly gonna call my head? Wind! Is that a good name? It'll do. Yeah, this is really exciting. I'm dizzy with anticipation! Or is it the wind? There's an awful lot of that now isn't it? And what's this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like 'Ow', 'Ownge', 'Round', 'Ground'! That's it! Ground! Ha! I wonder if it'll be friends with me? Hello Ground!
[Hits ground and dies ]

My favorite character though was definatly the manic depressed robot Marvin

Is that not the most depressing robot youve ever seen?

Haha...Oh man. I know a bunch of people didnt like it but i loved it.



But on with my day today me and my dad went into the city looking for cameras for me on my birthday ( woo hoo 22 days away! ) And I found the PERFECT camera that im going to get. for cheap too! so im pretty pumped.

Also we stopped at starbucks and as I was waiting they forgot to make my order so I had to wait a while.
Most people would think this was a bad thing. but as a result I got a free coffee cupon! woot!

And the fall supper is tonight. hoo-jah

How does it feel to be on the reciving end?


Dont you hate it when your day is going really well. but then that one thing happens that just smashes your whole weekend apart?

usually Id "look on the bright side of things" But really. Iv had enough of this

Iv tried fixing and putting this back together so many times its no longer possible.
So broken it cant be fixed.
....And they dont even know it...

Regarding Janelles...fun game...thing


1. Go to www.m-w.com.
2. In the dictionary, search your name.
3. Note the most creative word that is closest to your name.
4. Go to www.google.com/images.
5. Search the word that you found.
6. Post the most random picture you found from the first page.

Mine was "Stoph". I googled it and my resulting picture is:

Wanna hear a funny story? Well ok. Its not really a story...And its not that funny

I woke up to my mom singing christmas songs because it snowed last night...That was...Pleasant, haha.
I love snow. Well the first snow anyways. It loses its novelty after christmas.
I had a cruddy start to my day today. But my days been good because I got to walk to school in the snow and that means I can soon start making snow angels. Go christmas caroling. push others into the snow. and the most exciting part is i can now start listening to christmas carols as soon as I get home. woo
Oh I know. Snow is going to get old very quickly. But im enjoying it until it gets to that point.

There are a few questions I don’t have answers to, none of them are really important, but I’m interested in the answers anyway.
Why, for instance, don’t many people use pocket watches, cups with the mustache guards, or those handy little walking sticks?
I guess they could be seen as weapons, ok scratch the last one.
But honestly, why do dogs find a portion of flooring and decide to lick it? I’ve seen many a dog do this and I thought, “What could be so tasteful on that specific part of the floor?”
What makes people so grossed out about different foods touching on the plate before eating them? Are they traveling to a different place? Yes, they must be taking a different route to the same exit.
Who invented sporks, and why? Maybe it was to give me another thing to think about, clearly, there isn’t enough.
When and why was it ever established that pink-is-for-girls and blue-is-for-boys?
Is there a time in life when I’ll forget to laugh at myself or remember that taking a chance is not a future regret unless I don’t learn something?
What makes us selfish? Love? Hate? War?
What makes us love unconditionally, forgive and become selfless?
. Am I wasting your time?

Am I a weirdo magnet or something???

I watched the sandlot this weekend, what a good movie. its so funny, and those kids do such crazy stuff.
reminds me of my childhood. i mean, i didnt play baseball or run from giant ferocious dog (except one time), but my friends and i did weird fun stuff. i swear we were so weird as kids, but just so cool. i wish i was still that creative.
i mean, i never have ideas like i used to, like using a laundry basket as a pirate ship to navigate around the house... or maybe its just that im too big to fit in that laundry basket anymore... Thats probably it. Because i tried to sleep in a box the other day like i used to and it broke.
Seriosly. It was so fun. youd take a blanket with you and a pillow. put the pillow behind you and stick your legs out and let your butt hang in the box and just sleep.
so fun
Weird that my fondest childhood memories involve being shoved in boxes and stuff and sleeping

On a completly diffrent note:
i feel as though some things lately should really be left untouched because i just screw them up and then ruin something that didnt need to be ruined in the first place.
i should probably figure out which things in life not to mess with because i do it much too often and it leads to me not talking to people anymore and it makes me sad


And to end off. If I EVER catch ANY of you wearing ANY of these costumes. I will personally punch you in the throat. And if I dont...someone will

Just in case someone out there was wondering....

I finally rememberd what I said in that dream

What I said goes along with my previous thought of
"no angel wants to be tied down to the earth like a human"
I remeber me going up on my tiptoes because it was huge and I whisperd into its ear
"why should you be so lucky to leave?"
And it looked back at me but didn't answer

What?
Dreams are strange I tell you.

I got a dog!

His names bear and hes a golden lab!
My dad finally cracked, He came into my room this morning and was like....fine were keeping him.
the reason we have him is because my auntie moved out of her acredge and so my grandma had to take him. but he was chained up all the time so we took him so we can take him for walks and stuff

The plus side is hes only 3 so he doesnt stink.
He got hit by a bus when he was little though and it ran over his hips so they are reconstructed so he has a bit of trouble with one of his legs for a minute after he gets up but its cool.

awww im so excited

Note: the dog in that picture isnt actually bear but he looks almost exactly like that one.
ill post pictures maybe when i get my new camera!

Sorry for plaguing you with lyrics but...

Read these through and realize how many of these statements are true...

Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, sunset.
swiftly go the days.
Sunrise, sunset.You wake up, then you undress.
It always is the same.
a sunrise and the sun sets.
YouÂ’re lying while you confess, keep trying to explain.
a sunrise and the sun sets you realize
then you forget what youÂ’ve been trying to retain.
But everybody knows itÂ’s all about the things
that get stuck inside of your head,
like the songs your roommate sings
a vision of her body as she stretches out on your bed.
and she raised her hands in the air asked you,
When was the last time you looked in the mirror?
cause you have changed.
Yeah, you have changed.
Sunrise, the sun sets.
You are hopeful and then you regret.
The circle never breaks.
With a sunrise and a sunset thereÂ’s a change of heart or address.
Is there nothing that remains?
For a sunrise or a sunset.
YouÂ’re manic or youÂ’re depressed.
Will you ever feel ok?
for a sunrise or sunset, your lover is an actress.
Did you really think sheÂ’d stay?
For a sunrise or sunset.
YouÂ’re either coming or you just left but youÂ’re always on the way.
Towards a sunrise or a sunset, a scribble or a sonnet.
They are really just the same.
To the sunrise and the sunset.
The master and his servant have exactly the same fate.
ItÂ’s a sunrise and a sunset.
From a cradle to a casket.
ThereÂ’s no way to escape.
The sunrise and the sunset.
Hold your sadness like a puppet, keep putting on the play.
But everything you do is leading to the point
where you just wonÂ’t know what to do.
And at that moment you may laugh
but there is someone there who will be laughing louder than you.
So itÂ’s true, the trick is complete.
become everything you said that you never would be.
YouÂ’re a fool! YouÂ’re a fool!
Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, sunset.
The sunrise and the sun sets.
Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, the sun sets.
Sunrise, the sun sets.
Sunrise, sunset.
Go home to your apartment
put the cassette in the tape deck and let that fever play.
Sunrise, sunset.
Where are you Arienette?
Where are you Arienette?

I LOVE those lyrics. So true


But anyways onto the real post.
I came home today and I knew my grandma was coming over.
So I start cleaning up.
She gets in and she brings with her my favorite dog in the entire world! my aunties dog!
its a golden lab and my brother might be keeping it!
Which leads me to my next discovery...Hes moving out in a month...WHAT!?
Why am I the last to know about these things....moving out? Im going to be an only child.
I feel so old.... I just got a job yesterday at the barn playhouse and Im soon getting my application to go to australia in a YEAR.
I just thought about that....In a year...Im gone for 6 months to another freakin continent...what is up with that!? Im so old...
I dont want to grow up....
I want to go back to a time where I can play with lego and imaginary friends and not get looked at strange.
I want nap time
Heck id even take a time out or two
I just want to be a kid again.

Sometimes I just want to put on my headphones, crank the volume and block out the world around me.
Ignore the world screaming at me that its time for me to grow up
time for me to know what im going to do with my life
What if i dont know forsure yet?
What if my plans dont meet your expectations?
I wish i could just lay on my bed, close my eyes and make up my own story
but that only works for so long you know?
your eventually going to get hungry, tired, thirsty, that screaming voice is eventually going to overpower your headphones
Somethings going to make you get up from that magical imaginary world sometime
and somehow thats depressing...

"Broken Wings"

In a dream I spent the day with you
In a carriage bought by blood.
The clouds were singing songs of fear and loss;
And they cut me down to size.
And they cut me down to size.

Broken wings
Have a home tonight.
No one is listening, no one is listening.
When darkness fell on the streets last night,
We never expected, we never expected this.

In a perfect world, I'd never know your name,
And do we even know it when we die?
Or will death just pass us by?
Will death just pass us by?
Please just pass us by.

Broken wings
Have a home tonight.
No one is listening, no one is listening.
When darkness fell on the streets last night,
We never expected, we never expected this.

When all this pain is justified,
While all the time is passing by.
Now is when we clench our fists
Knowing we can fight through this.
The hours and days are gone.
The weeks and months are moving on.
Can't they see that's nothing gonna stop us now?

Broken wings
Have a home tonight.
No one is listening, no one is listening
When darkness fell on the streets last night,
we never expected, we never expected this.

Bonfire of Vanity Rooms...

I had a dream last night.
It was strange...errie yet peaceful
I dreamt I was outside mowing the lawn and I looked up and I saw something magnificant on the other end of my lawn
I looked and there stood an angel, But the thing was this angel had no wings.
I cant explain how I knew it was an angel...it was so beautiful and perfect
The one thing about it that stuck out was is it was crying. Its tears looked as if they were beads of crystal that almost hurt for me to look at they shone so bright.
I remember walking over to it...and feeling terrible.
I mean what angel wants to be stranded on earth without wings?
I said something to it but for the life of me I cant remember what it was...I wish I could I just remember the only thing was all i wanted to was give that angel back its wings, more than anything in the world. And it hurt to know that I couldnt...

Strange yet peaceful in a way...

If I remeber what I said ill let you guys know
If anyone has any idea to what this means that would be cool.


( I want that picture of those angel wings tattood on my back...so cool.
not big or anything but medium size..so its not overwhelming )

Rad...

How you die
Your Name
Age
Eye Colour
Age of Death	87
Cause	Laughter
Your body will	be eaten
This cool quiz by WolfySilver - Taken 9536 Times.

I'm just a walking let down...
I was talking this morning with someone and weve come to the conclusion that friendship is temporary.
No matter how much you love or care for someone. Your eventually going to let them down some time, no matter how hard we try everyone will let down everyone they know.
Maybe its not a huge let down. Maybe it will just be a fickle thing. But there are bound to be those relationship shattering letdowns everyone dreads and will experince
So. when someone says forever. Dont belive them because theres no way someone will live their whole existance not dissapointing someone in some way.wether its there husband /wife /mom /dad /sibling /or even a best friend. hey were only human right?
I know this isnt a pleasant subgect.
Something we dont want to hear. But hey, Its reality

But then I got to thinking. The only "person" you can rely on and trust nowadays is God.
Thats what so great about Him. Hes not human.
Hes not an earthly being that does something stupid and screws up every single day.
Sure we think Hes letting us down in some points of our life but in the end, forever exists with God.
no matter what happens. How many times we let Him down He will always be there.
Holding our hands
I find Hes the only person I can genuinly trust nowadays.

Dont let this rant put you off trusting people all together. That was not my intent.
You need earthly support and friendships. Just dont go around thinking some relationships you have with people arent going to go without some trials.

On a scale of 1 to fantabulous. I give that concert a radtastic!!

I love the feeling of not being able to hear after a concert. Honestly

The "Raise up" concert was definatly awesome. there wasnt a band I didnt like there.

the line up was:

Whittaker www.purevolume.com/whittaker ( very good band. I enjoyed most of it but as with most bands that go first I wasnt too into it by then )

Captain www.purevolume.com/captain ( so fun. I enjoyed them alot. They were really upbeat and...different. The lead singer is my new favorite person lol

Silence Through Injustice www.purevolume.com/silencethroughinjustice ( By far my favorite band of the night. Amazing live they put on a really really good show. I had tons of fun with that one)

The Reception www.purevolume.com/thereception ( I dont...for some reason really remeber them but I know i was standing for it. which is weird. Well i know i liked it though because i like there purevolume site. haha sorry guys)

Means www.purevolume.com/means ( Very good screamer. Wow... I was thouroughly impressed with them overall. They were amazing. They had the crowd going although i was at the back watching nicole to the lights because my legs were about to snap in half)


So good job Zach ( if your reading this ) It was a fun evening for all with ( what i think ) a mighty fine turn out.

Holy peripheral vision Batman!

Hooray for contacts! Iv never had this much peripheral vision and its super weird.
I keep touching my face wanting to feel my glasses but they're not there.

it only took me 2 tries too, hoorah
the only thing is i cant get colord cause i have some wierd stigmatisim which requires stupid lenses which dont come in colors *pout* oh well

Hope you all recognize me tomorow. haha

Also everyone check out http://www.purevolume.com/happychristmas
its a christmas album relased by tooth and nail
its pretty dang sweet and features new and unreleased holiday songs from Emery, Aaron Gillespie from Underoath and Kenny Vasoli from The Starting Line, Mae, Anberlin, Starflyer 59, Hawk Nelson, Spoken, The Fold, Number One Gun, John Davis, plus songs from Relient K, Switchfoot, Copeland, and Eisley!

Not a day goes by that I dont think of you...

Minutes turn to hours, and the hours to days.
Seems it's been forever that I've felt this way.



Ugh, Why do I have to be a stupid girl?








Do you ever feel like screaming as loud as humanly possible?
Boy does it ever feel good. Silence is golden but screaming is fun. When Im frustrated when no ones home I just let it out or go out for a walk into the middle of a feild and just scream as loud as i possibly can. Sure it can hurt if you do it too much; but as Conor Oberst once said. "Screaming is bad for the voice but good for the heart" and he was right on the money with that one.
Today is a day I just want to scream

Old man?



This weekend was pretty good. All in all. It had its low and annoying points but hey I had TONS of pumpkin pie and that made up for it.

But the point of this post is to show all of you how incredibly gullibal I am if you already didnt know.

So my dads really cruel ok? And he would tell us stuff as a kid, wait. he still does it. anyways he makes us belive ridiculous things
Example #1 When I was in grade 4 my dad convinced me it was "potato day" and he got me to bring a potato to school and give it to my teacher. Im cool
Example #2 On april fools day my dad put a sign on the door saying dont go in here. the tub sank an inch this morning and the floor will break. And just my luck I was sick. so i was running to go throw up but no. i see the sign so i have to go puke in the sink lol
You see. my frist clue SHOULD have been. Oh wait. its april fools day and its my dad.
butI didnt even catch how ridiculous the sign really was.
Example #3 Hey steph! theres an elephant!
" dad no theres not"......*slowly looks over to where he pointed*
Example #4 He had me convinced that the confetti at hockey games was money and thats why the seats were so expensive.

And finally Example #5 Wasnt by my dad. But a random stranger store clerk...two nights ago. I was asking for directions and as im walking out the guy goes " OH by the way. your socks untied"
So i slowly glance down. Then i stop. and lift up my pant leg and im like....haha....oh..*realizing how ridiculous his statement was*

Alright. Now you ALL have something to bug me about. This one i brought upon myself.

Well I could have been a famous singer If I had someone elses voice...

I finally picked up my guitar today. And as a result I started writing two songs. I have the guitar remotly down. But the lyrics are a little hurtin. Ones called Nowheresville which I will show no preview. Cause it sucks. Really...really bad.
But ill give you a preveiw of my other one

the separation of my body and mind is what I feel inside
an endless journey throughout lost time
I find only the blind can see there is a difference between you and me.
They have no sight to believe, but that doesnt mean unreality.
we achieve identity through what we feel.
we learn from mistakes heart aches and heart breaks
the lives of our loved and the fakers we hate

Yep. thats all I have so far. Any suggestions or critizisims are accepted in the comments section of this post.

Hooray for long weekends!!
I only had 2 classes today which resulted in me going into the city with carrie brennan and kaylee to interveiw someone for our project.

One of the highlights was definatly waiting to get into his apartment cause he forgot to let us in.

"Uhm...he didnt buzz to open the door......should we call him again..."
*2 minutes later*
"oh!..here he comes... very slowly..." "Hello"
"Im disabled"
*Brennan and Steph are almost dieing trying to contain laughter*

We were done early so we went to Wendys/Tim Hortons and picked something up for Braden at Zellers
On the way home Carrie broke the law. And I laughed

Everyone have a scrumptious Thanksgiving.

I had a friend who changed his name but he couldnt change himself...

Dun dun dun...heres another rendition of 10 things most people dont know about me
Just because im bored

1. I love the feeling of mud between my toes
2. I dont mind country music as much as I say I do. But I still dont like it
3. I used to despise any form of screaming in any song. And now thats basically all I listen to
4. I havent played guitar in over 4 months. And I feel like playing everyday. I just dont and I dont know why
5. I find any guy that gets behind an instrument automatically gets hotter. lol
6. Im a sucker for the style of emo on guys ( I know,... i know )
7. Im going to go deaf before im 30 because everytime im home alone i crank my stereo as loud as it can go ( its hooked up to my surround sound. lol )
8. I love the sound of rain and distant thunder. ( thunderstorms are my FAVORITE thing ever)
9. Coffee does nothing for me. It just tastes good. Thats why I drink it
10. Im very nervous for Saturday...(maybe)

Save your Scissors...

So go on
And I will refrain
And I'll keep on running this neverending race
maybe next time will be the right time
and maybe next time will be your time

So save your scissors
For someone elses skin
My surface is so tough
I don't think the blade will dig in
Save your strength
Save your wasted time
There's no way that I want you to be left behind
Go on save your scissors
Save your scissors

There is something that I must confess to you tonight
To you tonight
And that is I expect nothing less from you tonight
From you tonight


So this song describes alot how im feeling lately.
For those of you who I talked to about it. You can probably figure it out.

Basically its this in a nutshell

The first part of this song kind of speaks of my "neverending race" of peoples expectations of me and how I "have" to act
The chorus. Save your words for someone else. Because I dont care anymore Im not letting it affect me like I did before
And last but not least. Im not expecting anything to change. Because it wont.

sorry if that made no sense. I find relating to music is easy and I had to put it down in words. I guess more so for my benifit then yours.

Felicity Van Loon

So I tried out for the drama " the phantom of the opr'y " On monday and they posted the parts today.
All I have to say is, I got ripped off again.
But hey. I didn't have my hope too high Because everyone who I expected to get main, did.
At least this time I was expecting something not too great.
Whatever at least im in it right?
Apparantly I'm an "uppity audience member" Who insults everyone. So I guess it could be kind of fun.



In other news. I get my contacts soon. Sometime early this week. Woo hoo.

On another note. The loving...Caring, Greg Sawatzky kindly pointed out this songs relavance to my life.
Come gather round' and I shall show you these lyrics

Reliant K - Maintain Consciousness
Our concentration it contains a deadly flaw
our conversations change from words to blah, blah blah
we took prescription drugs but look how much good that did
well I think I had a point, but I just got distracted

Lately it just seems to me
like we've got the letters A.D.D.
branded into our mentality
we simply can't focus on anything

because its17, 18, 19 routine
and here at 23 it's the same old me
and that one thing of the moment
that we all happen to like will
only very temporarily
kinda break the cycle
of the double edged sword
of being lazy and being bored
we just want more and more and more
till it's all we can afford

to keep our eyes open for just one more day
to keep on hoping that we'll stumble on a way
to keep our minds open for just one more day
cause its completely up to us
to maintain consciousness

well no one can possibly listen to this
more than 4 reps is just monotonous
we're losing interest, losing interest, losing interest

because its17, 18, 19 routine
and here at 23 it's the same old me
and that one thing of the moment
that we all happen to like will
only very temporarily
kinda break the cycle
of the double edged sword
of being lazy and being bored
we just want more and more and more
till it's all we can afford
to keep our eyes open for just one more day
to keep on hoping that we'll stumble on a way
to keep our minds open for just one more day
cause its completely up to usto maintain consciousness

to keep our eyes open for just one more dayt
o keep on hoping that we'll stumble on a way
to keep our minds open for just one more day
cause its completely up to us
to maintain consciousness

Sing me something soft, Sad and delicate, or loud and out of key, sing me anything...

I love cleaning out mouse roller things... like you know those little things inside your mouse that collects layers of dirt and you can pick it off?
I find it extremly satisfying.
Maybe im weird though. But maybe im not.

Im already starting to get really nervous about after school. I know I shouldn't be this early in the year but I know forsure that I want to do the DTS program with YWAM after I graduate.
Iv been looking at the YWAM site. And I have NO idea how to go about signing up. When to sign up, HOW to sign up and what base I want to go to.
So if anyone knows ANYTHING about signing up or anything please please talk to me or something.
I know its early in the year but Id feel more comfortable knowing ahead of time.
thanks in advance.

Have a heart...

Calling all Big Hearts!
Make sure to mark your calendars for the Building Hope Benefit Concert, October 14th 2005 at WestPortal Church in Saskatoon, SK.
The line up is one to take seriously, and could be the best indie/hardcore show in the 306 this fall.
Whittaker, Captain, Silence Through Injustice, The Reception, and Means are all scheduled to kick various amounts of Bottom for a good cause.
All 5 bands have PureVolume sites that you should definitely check out.
Tickets will be sold in advance (at scotts parables) and at the door ($10 either way).
Contact Zach at moshinforjesus@Yahoo.com for more info.
Make sure to tell your friends, cause the bands playing are travelling from all around Western Canada and agreed to play for nothing but gas money.
Have a heart.

(following note by Zach Lucky )

The main reason we are putting the show on is because of dwayne harms.
I am sure many of you know him or heard the story of his passing after loosing a short battle to cancer (he blog his journey through cancer, here is the site. http://dhjourney.blogspot.com )
SO make sure to check that out. I could see and hear his dreams for the church. He wanted it to grow.

Right now the church is trying to buy the building which we are in and we have to raise a LOT of money before that will ever happen, and we only have until december. This isn't going to happen with just us, we need Your help guys.

Please please give me a hand here.
Please forward this e-mail to as many people as you know, put it in your msn names, post it on blogs and chat forums.
Just tell all of your friends at school, and if you would like a poster or a few, I have a ton left that need to go up.
Just ask me.
Guys if you would help me out with this just a bit it would be a huge blessing.
And Please come to the show, All of the bands have caught the vision and are coming for very little money, easpecially the reception (they are driving over 10 hours for the show)
Please come support the cause and these great bands.

Dogs are forever in the push-up position...

My parents are the worst procrastinators ever. Remember a year ago? When I said I was getting contacts the next week? Yeah. me too.
Now its many weeks later.. in fact a year and a bit more later, and Im going in for the first of my two appointments. Finally!
Your probably thinking why didn't I call them myself?...Well.. Shut up..thats why.

On another note

I am offically starting up a fanclub.
A fanclub for what you ask?
A fanclub for Leahs Blog ( Seriosly, its the best blog ever. funny..witty...insightful. what more could you ask for? If you answer that with anything. you are selfish. haha)

So sign up now and you will recive a free....comic. drawn especially for you...by me.
In dedication of Leahs love for my comics I guess ( That and I couldnt think of anything else )

So dont delay! Sign up today!

And to end. A picture of a flying squirrel. Because its the strangest animal in the animal kingdom. and it looks halarious

Best thing ever = Scaring babies

Seriosly..
Everybody thinks im cruel but I dont think anyone can deny that scaring babies is fun.
The look on their face is PRICELESS I tell you.
I guess thats how I look when people scare me though because people seem to enjoy it as well.

Note to everyone out there: Dont let me near your kids. haha

Man. You know at the begining of the school year. You vow to keep everything clean and keep your binder organized. But then on the first day theres already rotting food in the bottom of your locker?
Thats like me.Those vows never ever stick with me. So im not even going to try this year to be organized because I know its just going to fail miserably. Oh wait. It already has

Speaking of being organized though.I moved my room downstairs yesterday and im happy. Its so much more roomy and more secluded.
I love my room. Its somewhere where I can escape to.
It wasnt much of a sanctuary before yesterday because my room was right across from my parents. Now its just below. haha.
This way I can play music and nobody cares. And the window is on the side of the house where the morning light comes in through the windows.
The only downside is im creeped out of my window because its ground level and im used to having it where nobody can be a creep and look in. Not that anyone does. Its just something that COULD happen. haha

For the last random comment of the day.Why is it so fun to jump in leaves?

This kid totaly looks like hes either having the time of his life. Or hes scared out of his mind and was forced to do it. Either way its halarious.
Whenever I try to jump in a pile of leaves. I either have a cruddy pile and I hit the ground really hard or the leaves are all gooey and gross. But its fun!

Im going to end this post with another picture of jumping in leaves. Because its funny

Oh yah. Im gonna follow the trend I set and copy Jess once again


10 FAVORITES
Favorite Color:Green
Favorite Food:Corn on the cob and mashed potatoes
Favorite Band: i don't even know right now
Favorite Song: I also dont even know right now
Favorite Movie: Donnie Darko
Favorite Sport: To watch - basketball or volleyball To play - soccer
Favorite Season: Fall and summer
Favorite Day Of the Week: friday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: mint chocolate chip
Favorite Time of Day: 8pm-1am

9 CURRENTS

Current Mood: kind of annoyed
Current Taste: my mouth
Current Clothes: blue bunnyhug and jeans
Current Toenail Color: normal
Current Time: 4:03
Current Surroundings: My downstairs living room
Current Thoughts: Why is he trying so hard

8 FIRSTS
First Best Friend: katie
First Kiss: who said I've had one?
First Screen Name: probably like, steph or something stupid
First Pet: buttercup my hamster..aww...poor hamster
First Piercing: ear lobes
First Crush: haha...Jeff peard I think
First Music: Backstreet's Back by BSB
First Car: cutless ceirra...an oldsmobile...woo

7 LASTS
Last Cigarette: never ever. yuck.
Last Drink: pop
Last Car Ride: to the school this morning
Last Kiss: never ever
Last Time you said I love you and meant it: today
Last Phone Call: My dad
Last CD played: Underoath i think

6 HAVE YOU EVER
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends?: nope
Have You Ever Broken the Law: yes, not anything serious though (jay walking..oooooooh!)
Have You Ever gone Sky diving: not yet
Have You Ever gone Skinny Dipping: no
Have You Ever Been on TV: I dont think so
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: Nope

5 THINGS
1 Thing You're Wearing: My rings
1 Thing You've Done Today: cut a bunch of flowers stems
1 Thing You Can Hear Right Now: Dashboard confessional
1Thing You Can't Live Without: Music
1 Thing You Do When You're Bored: Play music. talk to myself

4 PLACES YOU'VE BEEN TODAY
1. school
2. outside
3. my house
4. my benches

3 PEOPLE THAT YOU LOVE
1. Jesus ( haha holy sunday school asnwer batman!)
2. my best friends
3. YOU

2 CHOICES
1.black or white: black
2. hot or cold: cold

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO
Tell some people straight up what they need to hear

Look at the stars, and how they shine for you...


Stargazing is my favorite thing ever.
At Shekina the stars were the most amazing thing ever. The sky was so clear you could see like every single star including a bunch of falling stars.
Me and Greg star gazed for probably over an hour while we were playing "The Amazing Race"

Stars are my favorite gift from God aside from sunsets and sun rises. But the night sky is definatly up there.



Did you rise the sun for me. Or paint a million stars that I might know your majesty"

Bright Eyes - Falling out of love at this volume


tell me what you wanted to hear
let me do the right thing
let me do the wrong thing
and if it's ever this clear i will only say it once
*just let me turn the amps way up so you can hear nothing
and if i die tonight
then i guess i die tonight let me go on*
just say what you wanted to say
i cannot stand these talks dear
they only get us nowhere
it's never resolved we only run around you always
*tell me anyone could be just like me
if it was a different time and a different place to be
you would go on

These knuckles break before they bleed...


So I just got in from the optomitrist.
Who else hates that place? I do.
One part of it is, they make you put your chin on this thing and look into a machine and they say "Ok we are going to blow a slight puff into your eye"
So your thinking. Ok, It wont be too bad. Then without warning a big puff invades your eye and dries it out when you least expect it. Which results in you hitting your forehead on the bar your supposed to rest it on.
I jumped every time so they had to do it 3 times on my right eye and 5 times on my left.
Why do they feel the need to do that? Seriosly. Out of enjoyment of watching people jump and hit there head on the stupid bar and make them do it again? Ridiculous i tell you.

In other news. This weekend is going to add on the streak of not being able to sleep in since school has started. weeooo
Im a youth sponsor for the junior youth retreat and were going to shekinah. And im the only female sponsor....woo. Im in for a treat arent I? Oh well. it should be fun. Im kind of excited.

Oh well tomorow im going to Rickys all day grill. Iv never been there and Im told im in for a treat.

UPDATE:
The last half of the day our physed and art class got together and we were all presented with "awards" from our camping trip.
And some awards and their punishments worth noting were:

Kendall and Steph:
Kendall never wore his headphones the whole week and Steph forgot the buns.
So steph had to make "bun-phones" for kendall and he had to wear them through break and get 20 people to notice that he was wearing them. halarious
then they had to make up new words to 5 songs using the word bun
ie: I like big buns and i cannot lie or jingle buns jingle buns

Me and Brennan:
Grumpiest campers ( apparantly )
So we had to have a staring contest and whoever smiled first lost. *i won by the way*

Me Brennan Cody Kim and Matt
Loudest at night singing camp and prarie veiw songs
So we had to make up a song using pots and pans and it was called " ode to volume "

There was alot more but im too lazy to think of them all..if you really want to know.ask me

So until next time.
Anderson out...
(haha im such a nerd)

Everything you will ever want to know about Steph...and more


eyes
1 what color are your eyes? brown
2 what color were they when you were born? brown probably
3 what color are your lashes? black or brown... I dont know
4 do you have bigger pupils than others or smaller? Im not sure. probably bigger
5 have you ever counted the number of times you blink in a second? nope
6 do you wear contacts? on thursday I will
7 do you wear glasses? yes
8 did you ever have eye surgery? no
9 what was the last thing that poked you in the eye? my finger probably
10 can you touch your eyes without flinching or does it just gross you out? it doesnt bother me
11 how often do you look into people's eyes when you talk? i try to always but sometimes i look away so that i don't make them uncomfortable
12 what's your favorite eye color?: green
13 do you ever just go up to someone and look into their eyes because you want to know their eye color? it's been known to happen..im a creep
14 do you wear sunglasses often? never
15 what eye color do you wish you had? green
16 can you cross your eyes? sure can
17 do you roll your eyes constantly? i roll my eyes but not constantly
18 what's your favorite color? (yes, your favorite color to look at): brown, olive green and black
19 what's the prettiest season and why? beginning of fall. i think thats a givin though
20 who's the hottest or cutest person you ever saw? this guy we saw on the lrt in edmonton...*daydreams* seriously.( stole that one from jess)
21 what was the last thing you read (book wise)? thr3e
22 who was the last person you wanted to see? haha...yah
23 what was the last thing you watched on tv? simpsons
24 do you read the newspaper much? never unless its comics
25do you read magazines much? not really
26 do you read much in general? i NEED to read more
27 what's the first thing you see if you look over and past your computer screen? a wall...
28 did you ever see it hailing? of course, has anyone in saskatchewan not seen it hail?
29 don't you hate it when you have sleep in your eyes (like the crusty crap)? haha no. its fun to pick out
30 close your eyes. (after you read the whole question, dummy lol) are there lights still in your lids in with the dark? no
31 can you sleep with a light on? yeah
32 how light is it outside? like, midafternoon light
33 can you roll your eyes into the back of your head? yes but it hurts

ears

1 do you like your ears? No i have a gross nubby thing
2 do you have them pierced? yup but i dont wear earrings
3 how many times? just two
4 what's your favorite sound? a guy playing the piano or guitar or screaming ( not randomly but in song)
5 what's the worst noise in the world? the sound of rubbing mini mitts together or straws rubbing the side of slurpee cups
6 are you listening to any music? if so, what song is it: Ghost of tragedy by day of contempt
7 what do you hear around you? Day of contempt
8 what's your favorite song? thats impossible to answer
9 can you wiggle your ears? haha no, but i wish i could
10 when was the last time you stuck your fingers in your ears so you couldn't hear something and why? During the pre show to the used...it was like...a screechy sound that was stupid
11 do your ears have attached lobes or unattached? ummm...unattatched
12 do your ears get red when your embarrassed or any other emotion roars through your body? i don't think so
13 what was the last thing someone said to you? Steph! remeber turn out the lights sing the song. boom boom out go the lights -my dad
14 is it annoying to get that ringing noise in there? no it prevents silence
15 do you hear voices? not usually
16 what was the last thing you heard that you rather didn't? lol adams your mom joke that went horribly wrong...ew
17 what was the last thing you wanted to hear, but never heard it? i don't know
18 what was the last piece of advice you were given? dont do that or youll get stung.but did i listen? no. did they sting me? no
19did you ever put a rubber band around your ear? i'm sure i have
20 go and open the door to outside and what's the first thing you hear? i'm too lazy to actually get up and go listen, but i'm pretty sure i'd hear kids yelling, a car or both

mouth

1 do you ever stop talking? not usually
2 who did you talk to last? my dad, not counting my family, david or jess
3 what was the last thing you said? "see you later!"
4 did you brush your teeth today? of course
5 how many times do you usually? at least once, usually more
6 who are you talking with now? on msn. zach
7 who do you wish you were talking to? someone....
8 who was the last person to call you? laurel
9 who was the last person you called? laurel
10 who was the last person to IM you? zach
11 who was the last person you IMed? zach
12 do you talk to yourself? yeah
13 do you mind? not at all
14 the stupidest thing you said in the past 48 hours?i have no idea. i say alot of dumb things
15 do you sing? of course
16 do you sing in the shower? only when no one else is home
17 do you sing in public? rarely
18 do you hum or sing while walking down the halls? ya
19 are you outspoken? no
20 are you opinionated? i have them, but don't speak them often though
21 do you speak your mind? depends on the circumstances
22 how often do people tell you to shut up, jokingly or not? all the time
23 are you a public speaker type? yes and no
24 do you stutter? sometimes when im excited
25how many languages do you speak? one fluently, and i'm a poser french speaker
26 how often do you scream? whenever i'm given the opportunity
27 are you loud or quiet? loud
28 does your mouth reflect your personality on the inside? what?
29 who has the coolest/sweetest voice? bill just cuz he has a strong accent and i like colins
30 how do you get your voice heard and ideas out? i talk loud
31 do you often write letters? never
32 what was the last song you sang? Dont remeber
33 what's your usual greeting to a friend? *insert name here*!!!
34 what's your usual greeting to an adult? "hi"
35 what's your usually greeting on the phone? "hello?"
36 what's your favorite food? corn on the cob
37 what's your favorite gum? dont rightly know. probably cotton candy bubblicious
38 what's your favorite word? crud. or random
39 what's your favorite drink? peach juice
40 is your tongue pierced? nope but i want it done
41 do you like tongue piercings?yes
42 how about lip piercings? on some people
43 ever have braces, how long?nope
44 do you have a retainer, for how long? no
45 can you curl your tongue? yep
46 can you whistle, on inhale or exhale? both, wooot!
47 do you grind your teeth? in my sleep and when im nervous
48 did you have your first kiss yet and with who? haha no
49 did you ever french?no
50 how many people have you ever kissed? none..besides my parents lol
51 off the kissing subject already... did you ever have a filling? yeah
52 if so, how many? i'm not exactly sure
53 how many cavities? 2 or so
54 are you a lip gloss addict? no
55 how about chap stick? no
56 do you like the dentist? NO!
57 do you have all four wisdom teeth? zero, but i can feel them coming
58 ever have any teeth pulled?no
59 how about a root canal? nope
60 go to a mirror and count how many teeth you have. how many? 24
61 did you lose all your baby teeth yet? yeah yeah
62 if not, how many to go? ...
63 what was the last thing you ate? fries
65 do you bite? haha yes
66 how often do you snap at people? only sometimes if i'm angry enough
67 are your teeth straight? i guess pretty
68 can you flip you tongue over? both ways
69 can you snap your tongue really loud?yeah i guess
70 can you pop your lips? yeah

nose

1 is your nose pierced? no
2 do you like pierced noses? depends on who
3 current scent? coconut
4 no coke sniffing, right? you know it
5 what about pixi stix up the nose ever? ew no that would hurt
6 do you hold your nose to swim? nope
7 can you flare your nostrils? yes
8 do you have freckles on the bridge of your nose? nope
10 do you pick it sometimes? (be honest): ewwwww
11 do you push your nose to keep your balance? um...?
12 what's the worst scent? any classroom after another class has been in there or like...tar
13 what's the best scent? boys that smell good. rain
14 what deodorant do you use? haha i use guy deodarant old spice
15 what's your favorite cologne? whatever smells good
16what's your favorite perfume? my deisel stuff
17 what do you use? dream, green tea deseil
18 does scent matter in the opposite sex (not as in they shower or not but their cologne or perfume)? yes
19 do you blow your nose in public? no, never
20 look around. find a random thing and and smell it. describe it's scent. and then say what it was: metally. a little toy car

touch

1 what does you keyboard feel like? a keyboard?
2 what's the best feeling in the world (emotionally)? feeling god moving or making someone happy
3 what's the best feeling in the world (physically)? bass shaking your body at a concert, hugs, my hair being played with
4 what's the worst feeling in the world (emotionally)? anxiety, stress, worry, rejection
5 what's the worst feeling in the world (physically)? being sick to my stomachor really itchy
6 what do your feet feel like at the moment? sat on
7 what do your hands feel like at the moment? normal heat
8 what does your head feel like at the moment? good i guess
9 what does your bladder feel like, especially after this? comfortable
10 what do your legs feel like at the moment? crossed and asleep
11 what do your shoulders and arms feel like at the moment? fine
12 what does your butt feel like at the moment? kind of numb
13 what does your neck feel like at the moment? toasty warm
14 are you cold? no
15 are you comfortable? not really
16 where are you? my computer room
17 who was the last person you hugged? laurel
18 who was the last person that pushed you? I have no idea, i was at a concert
19 who was the last person that you pushed? someone at that concert
20 when was the last time you fell over? yesterday or the day before
21 does music calm you and your nerves? yes
22 if not, then what makes you chill?
23what stresses you out? school, driving with my friends around
24 when was the last time you touched a doorknob? according to my calculations...i dont know
25 do you crack your knuckles?aaaaallll the time
26 what's your current emotion? content
27 ever think you were in love? no
28 how many times have you fallen for the opposite sex? several times, but not hardcore or anything
29 what's the worst season (in feeling wise of course)? spring blech, it gets my pant legs wet
30 how do you feel now, after that long survey? relived

It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door


So this weekend was full of enjoyment/ lack of sleep.
On friday morning our grade 12 class left to go camping at memorial lake. Im not too keen about that lake but hey. It was alright.
It was pretty cold up until the last day and at nights I almost froze my face off I swear, I was wearing a hoodie, a winter jacket, mitts and a wool touque and I was still freezing.

All in all it was a pretty eventful trip from water/land polo ( which was really cold but hey i still played in the water haha ) to playing Iv never around the campfire.

But definatly the best part of the weekend was the Underoath/Alexisonfire/ The Used ( there was another band that I missed. I heard they were good but i didnt catch there name so if anyone knows can you inform me please? ) And hanging out with Laurel and seeing Zach again after I found them that is. I saw tons of people there that I knew and really didnt expect to see there so that was sweet.

But anyways...I got lost coming there...haha yah...thats right, Lost going to prairie land park...shut up.
Anyways. As a result of that madness I missed the first band. But came in time to see Underoath. Which is who I came for. So i was happy
They put on an insanly good show. They have so much energy when they play and they sound really good live. To be honest I didnt expect that.
They put on the best show Iv been to I think. I was blown away.
They played almost all my favorites and a new song which i thought was pretty sweet. So really. I had a perma smile on all night.
I still dont understand how someone can drum and sing at the same time. But hey.

But I really respect them because near the end of their concert they said "we do everything we do because of Jesus Christ."
Thats awesome to see seeing as right after that The Used came out and were just dropping F bombs left and right and getting everyone to " lift there middle fingers into the effing air" I stayed for 2 or 3 songs of theirs and then Me lance David Thomas and Steph decided wed rather go get some subway...so we did.
Its awesome to see them still playing for the glory of God and still rocking out and having fun at a " non christian" joint.

So all in all. Best weekend ever.

Im just a fool for you...

My week can be summed up as so. Sometimes Gods plans definatly arent my plans.

It says in the bible that God wants to give you the desires of your heart. And im starting to think one I asked for isnt one of the desires he wants to give me right now.
I prayed about something. I asked for a clear answer. and I think I got it. The answer was "wait"
Thats possibly the worst answer ever.
But you know. Im alright with that.
Im bummed forsure. but you know. God obviosly has bigger plans for me at the moment.

I got this e-mail tonight and heres what it said

Relationships
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep and fullfilling relationship with one another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God says, "No! Not until you are satisfied, filled and content with being loved by me alone. I love you my child.
Until you discover that in me is your satisfication, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.
You will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else.
Exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning and wishing. Allow me to bring that person to you. You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep listening to and learning the things I tell you. You just wait! That's all. Don't worry, and don't look around at the things other people have or the things I give them.
ou just keep looking up to me or you will miss what I want to show you. When you are ready I will surprise you with a love more wonderful than you could ever have dreamed of.
You see, it will happen when you are ready and when the one I have for you is ready. I am working this very minute to have you both ready at the same time. Until both of you are satisfied exclusively with me and the life that I have planned for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me.
This my dear one is perfect love. And I want you to have this wonderful love, I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me. to enjoy materially and concertely that everlasting union of perfection and love that I offer you with myself.
Please know that I love you dearly. Believe it and you will be satisfied.
Just remember this.
Love Your Daddy


So that was pretty cool and definatly cleared up alot of things. Im also thinking the whole giving up music thing to spend time with God ties in with this whole crazy plan

But instead of worrying and complaining im going to go along with it. I dont know where it will take me but I know it will be far greater and more rewarding than I can imagine

But I dunno. If you guys could pray for me if youd like...that would be awesome. ( you know . patience. those kind of things )

Oh yah if anyone who reads this knows any details..such as names..I dont REALLY want the whole internet world to know. so dont...say anything haha.

Like a shout through an empty sanctuary. Speak but a whisper,I’ll hear a sermon...


I think my lack of sleep last night has given me too much time to think.
Right now I'm stuck in a state of mind that I don't want to have. Something isn't right, but I don't know what, and I don't know what to do about it.
It's frustrating to see that something in me is incomplete, but not knowing what's missing.

*sigh*

On friday we leave for our grade 12 camping trip. And im not as excited as I was before. Why you ask? Because its going to be freakin cold! Uuugh... Whats more depressing than knowing winters coming? Nothing I say.

But I guess it has its benifits. Fall = Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving = food
Also I think fall is my favorite season ever. Even though its cold and everythings dying and the fact that school comes with fall. Its absolutly gorgeouse!



I love the colors and I love the sound of the wind rushing through the leaves and pushing the already fallen ones across the ground.
I love taking peaceful fall sunset walks, and watching the leaves break free of the trees they clung onto and gently twirl to the ground.
And how whenever the wind blows or a car drives by, it stirs up a whirlwind of beautiful colors.


Now I just wish I had my camera so I could take pictures. But noooo! It got stolen.
Im a curse when it comes to cameras. Its also very ironic how thats what I want to do after school.
Boo urns.

Watch me die - Underoath


I lay as this sacrifice to this unholy altar
The evil inside Satan; Satan sit and watch me die
Demented screams, tortured beings, where's your hope,where's your smile, there was none
Life of lies gone, gone no more
So upset, so distraught, I'm sorry, I'm Sorry... I live for the Lord
Watch me die no longer I am alive
My purpose no more... I live for Christ
Dead to sin, only begin, imagine what's for Soldier of Christ
Changed with a new beginning, blood of the lamb, white washed sins
Forgive me God for all of these years of my transgressions
I cry renewed, I cry renewed This world means nothing to me
My life changed I now see Crucified with Christ,the old self left with the rest of this world, rest of this world
Kneel before his throne, home now from this journey
I see my father in his arms finally found
This path I have chosen is hard but I'll make it with my saviors help
I survive this hell till the end I'll stand true
Eternal life, ready for the fight that the evil brings
No giving in... I'm freeThe fire burns engulfing all the victims in it's path, no where to run
Over taken they give in to surrender to the Lord once, and for all
No longer keeping quiet, no longer standing still,no longer giving in, no longer going back
I stand strong praying for love always to be in my heart



Those lyrics are intense. Sorry about the two posts a day but I thought I needed to show you guys them


the song sounds kind of creepy but really cool

We're nothing short of invinsible...

Song playing : Underoath - Its dangerous buisness walking out your front door


I love looking forward to things. I think thats what keeps me motivated to finish off the school week. Like the Grade 12 camping trip this weekend then right after that the UNDEROATH concert! Im so excited to hang out with some of my favorite people from camp and the best part is its at a freaking sweet concert.
But after this weekend I dont think I have anything to look forward to so thats going to stink.

Todays a day that I just feel like keeping in my headphones and ignoring the world. But after this weekend I know I shouldnt do that anymore and its already proving to be difficult. I do it on impulse. Turn on my cd player or sit down on the computer and put on music. Its only the first day after the weekend. and Iv already spent the majority of my day listening to music. That or at least half.

Ugh sorry im rambling. Im really bored I have double spare. One before lunch and one after. And some of you may ask why im not at home. I have my reasons. good reasons. Trust me on that.

Lastly.I still feel sick from last night.
Who all will join my in boycotting McDonalds forever?

This is the first day of my life. Im glad I didnt die before I met you...

Song playing: Alexisonfire - polaroids of polarbears

Ugh.. I feel so distraught right now. My thoughts arent processing the way they should its like a billion words running through my head in diffrent directions, crashing into one another. And I know I should be doing something but im not. For reasons that I dont know. Im worrying for no reason and its really stupid.
I already can tell im not gonna get sleep tonight. And I dont even know the reasoning behind this jumble...uuugh I wish it would just leave my head hurts...

On another note..

I just got in from heritage and boy was it fun.
I had some amazing talks with some people and got to know others alot better.
I had next to no sleep and many halarious conversations as the result

But one of things I wanted to focus on here is something I definatly didnt want to hear from God ..or anyone for that matter. And if you know me this is a big deal.

So during chapel one night. Lance is sharing about how he has alot of cd's and how material possessions in the end arent worth it and all that.
Then I sensed this voice saying something like " So,...steph. You listen to lots of music dont you?...you consume your day with it dont you?"
by then im thinking to myself " pfft...naaah your kidding. me?" and that was obviously a total lie so I heard
" no... no I think you do. Maybe you should give up some of that time that you spend listening to music and actually spend it with me. Your blocking me out. How can I speak to you if theres always constant noise"
Thats something I definatly didnt want to hear at the time. I do consume my day listening to music. It has such an effect on me and I let it become a part of my everyday life and for me to give that up is going to be a big stretch.
I didnt feel that I needed to give it up completly because I dont think God is making me give up something I love so much. But cut back on it and in the time that I could be listening to music or playing it. I could spend a little time with God instead.


So yah. that was my weekend in a nutshell. And im out because i feel like im going to vomit
( Screw you mcdonalds!! )

I'll show you a picture. A picture of tomorrow. There's nothing changing, It's all sorrow...

Song playing - The Wedding - Morning air

Spares are beginning to tick me off. They are extremly boring. I have no life and I'm too lazy to walk home.

Oh well at least I think I'm providing some entertainment for some of you.. I hope.

Heritage is tomorow and I'm super excited. And for those of you who arent from Dalmeny who read this. Its a cabin up north that our youth group goes to for a youth retreat.
Its awesome cause I always come back with better friends because there is so much bonding time.
The place is so darn beautiful. Its impossible not to sense God when your there. When you look around you. You see beautiful creation in every direction. Incredible. Sunsets, Northern lights, Sunrises, Fog over the lake. I can hardly wait.

Anyways I'm gonna leave off with something that was on my myspace blog.

is it wrong that my heart is in a different place than i am.
is it wrong that where im from isnt where i want to be from.
is it wrong that sometimes i need a song to forget about my troubles.
is it wrong that sometimes i laugh when i should cry.
is it wrong that sometimes i say what people want to hear instead of what they should hear.
is it wrong that i have a passion for something i hardly even know.
is wrong to have more then you deserve.
is it wrong to run from reality once and a while.
is it wrong to have feelings.
is it wrong to wear jeans to church.
is it wrong to let simple details slip your mind.
is it wrong to know more than you thought you knew.
is it wrong to be myself.
is it wrong.

For Teri ( Haircut David was talking about )

Sorry everyone else. Teri just wanted to see a style of hair shes never heard of...and I couldnt think of any other way to show her. because explaining did no good... so its kinda like this
( ahh the magic of google )

so its kinda like that..that was the best i could find. cause i have tons of spare time.... your welcome for the useless knowledge lol

( after she sees this i will most likely delete this post so no worries everyone else )

I dont care, I could go anywhere with you and id probably be happy...

So its second class spare and im trying to write a poem about the praries.
I can never write poems when someone gives me a specific topic. So if anyone has any ideas send them my way!

I did post it. But then i realized it just sucked. So nuts to that.

My computer crashed the other day. And i backed up nothing. Thats right. nothing.
So all my pictures/music/ everything got deleted and im pretty peeved. All my pictures from my philidelphia missions trip...camp... everything

Hey so if anyone has pictures from camp do you wanna send me them by any chance? to my e-mail.
And i cant remeber all the songs i had. So song suggestions would be appreicated to.

This is just a suggestion...ful post. sorry bout that.

And I know this probably isnt going to work. But just so i have an idea. everyone who reads my blog do you wanna leave a comment saying you do. that would be sweet.

Thanks guys

C is for cookie, thats good enough for me ...

I changed my template because I like this one a jillion times better than my green one. lots of people have this one though. oh well. I like it.

Im offically addicted to cookies.

Seriosly. My mom NEVER bakes. Today I wake up and I smell cookies and im thinking to myself " uh oh...I smell cookies... i think im having a stroke" but then i quickly realize its burnt toast you smell so I hop out of bed to go investigate.
I come upon my mom...in the kitchen ( if you know her. thats pretty amazing in itself )
and she was BAKING!
I looked at her and asked...mom...*in a nervouse scared voice* what are you doing?
She replied with " baking cookies.... i think im sick "

but they were super good. they werent even burnt which is a miracle in itself. so its all good. Now all is back to normal with my mom never to be seen again in the kitchen ( unless its cleaning or doing the dishes or something. that I will allow haha)


Me and Jess went out to the park today and took pictures. I will post some later. Lots turned out good.

Until then.
Chillinize.

Oh I almost forgot. I found this on Jess's myspace page and I thought I would give it a try

Spell your name with your:
NOSE: stteppj
TONGUE: steph ( ew )
CHIN: steslophgb ( huzzah! )
FEET: awww nooo... fine....stwph
EYES CLOSED AND ONE FINGER: steph ( woah howd i do that )
BACK OF YOUR HAND:3 x7t65e5p[uih ( is that possible? )
PALM: sterp[;hj
WRIST: stephn

hurrah that was fun. I hope you liked my commentary as well

Goodbyes are definatly not my thing...


So Stacey left for BC last night...for two years...and I cried.

Im terrible with goodbyes. Honestly. I have only cried in 1 movie in my life. and no books or any of that junk. But when it comes to goodbyes I just lose it.

Shell be back for christmas and stuff. But that still means no more going out for coffee and talking about boys. No more chicken lemon rice and no more stacey massages. That is until she comes back.. but still....

We had a little shindig for her last night. And some of her other friends threw her a suprise thing too. So she was quite the popular lady last night. It was fun im glad shes doing what she wants to do now

So stacey if your reading this. I wish you the best of luck and I will most definatly keep in touch with you.
Your amazing and I miss you tons already.

The artist formerly known as the concept of anatomy

So im here anxiously awaiting carrie to get home. Why you ask? And to that I say. Because
shes bringing me a fish, Foo.

Thats right. A goldfish.
And im keeping it in my nalgene and taking it with me wherever i go.
And for those of you who say " ooooh how mean! its going to die!",... its not. Ill be careful. I promise.
I even got those little gravelly bits in the bottom
And yes. I have fish food

I am now taking name suggestions. I have 3 so far and they are
1. anatomy
2. the artist formerly known as the concept of anatomy
3. Cootie

I will now be open for suggestions and i will pick the best of the suggestions.

Now start those suggestions!



EDIT:
apparantly they dont sell goldfish at walmart anymore. So im gonna go into petland later this week. so the fish will be post poned

I'll be wrapped around your finger

So it was the first real day of school today. Its third class and I have double spare...and im terribly bored. Web msn is blocked on these computers too... Hoorah.

Grade 12 is Better than I thought it would be actually.
But I have a feeling that this year is going to be really really diffrent, Its just in the way that everybody is acting towards each other. I sense tension between some people and it sucks.

I want to wake up one morning , go through my day to day exisentce with the usual tasks at hand. but after i shower and put on clothes . i want to place my wallet into my pocket and walk away.
I want to keep walking until i am gone from this idiotic routine.
gone from the people who have no respect for me.
from the people who think i should apologize all the time
i want to leave every materialized item in my room leave it where it sits and just leave
lately it seems as though everything around me has been a blur
and i feel as though i have been stepping away from everyone, or everyone away from me
and yet i have been watching
i have been watching everything and trusting nothing
not even the words that have spewed from the mouths of those whom i trust
those words that trickle over there lips seems as though they could merely be lies upon lies
the truth where does it ever really exist
there have been moments though when i take a small step forward again and then from the mere dissapointment i have taken two more back
in my mind i am lost
thats really all there is to this
i no longer trust the words i hear or the things i see
i no longer trust my stance on the ground where i stand
i trust nothing except for Jesus and that perphaps my life will be put back in order soon.