Its my dog! ( for real this time, haha )

I got a nice new camera for my birthday. So I remeberd that i promised real pictures of my dog. and here they are!

*que girl chorus *
Awwwwwh! isnt he cute!

I also got donnie darko ( woot )
2 starbucks cards
My chemical romance ticket
Halarious socks filled with chocolate
and a bunch of cards.

thus concludes...best birthday EVER!
hoorah for being 17

Wanderer's Guild...

Last night I had a really odd dream, that I never thought Id have.
I was sitting on my driveway doing drugs of some kind. Out in the open and I was so afraid people were going to see me.
They looked like they were pixie sticks or something. And I took alot.
I remeber getting really sick and my brother found out. He said he was going to tell my parents. But all I said is " scott I know what you do "
Then he started crying. All I wanted to do was hug him. But since iv never hugged my brother in dream or reallife land. All I could do was watch him.
And I asked him what it was like.

But anyways. haha. I dont know what THAT means . On a diffrent note.

Its crazy the things you find out about some people if you just listen to them.
Iv found out so many things id never thought id hear by hanging out with people who arent "christian" per say. Iv kind have broken the seal on my "magical la la land bubble" that so many of us dalminites live in.

But lately the most acceptance iv found is in the "non christian" group of people. They are the ones being the nicest to me while the "christians" talk about me behind my back. ( dont get me wrong. Im not saying I dont . Because then Id lie. and that makes me sad...and something im trying to change.)
But iv found the nicest people iv met dont go to youth or church. I find theyre more real. and have alot more to say about life.

Im sure your all thinking. Holy crap Steph is gonna go through her rebellion stage and start doing drugs.
But no. Im not. Iv seen what drugs do to people.
Im just sick and tired of christians thinking that non christians deserve to be judged like that. If there seen on the street on the weekend were all thinking " oh HES hammerd.."" I bet HES stoned"
Iv really come to appreciate those who dont come to youth. I love them to bits. They are some of the nicest. Most accepting. Real people iv met, I just wish everyone else would see that too
( and im not saying all christians do this either. I just have a select few in mind that im sick of their attitiude on this subject so im sorry if you took offence to it.)

Sorry if this made no sense whatsoever I just had to get it out.

I'm dreaming less and sleeping more, but I'll sell my soul for the dream you stole

Is this week going painfully slow for anyone else??

Life is waiting for you...

life is to...
sing, dance, laugh, cry, smile, hope, hurt, scribble, dream, declare, pray, learn, forget, win, stand,lose, fall,
to hold on tight and never ever let go.

If you don't fill this out...i will rock you.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
1. I died from natural causes:
2. I kissed you:
3. I lived next door to you:
4. I started smoking:
5. I stole something:
6. I was hospitalized:
7. I ran away from home:
8. I got into a fight and you weren't there?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
9. Personality:
10. Eyes:
11. Hair:
12. Family:

WOULD YOU:
13. Be my friend?:
14. Keep a secret if I told you one?:
15. Hold my hand?
16. Take a bullet for me?
17. Keep in touch?:
18. Try and solve my problems?:
19. Love me?:
20. Date me?:

HAVE YOU EVER:
21. Lied to make me feel better?:
22. Wanted to kiss me?:
23. Wanted to kill me?:
24. Broke my heart?:
25. Kept something important from me?:
26. Thought I was unbearably annoying?

::And More::
27. Who are you?
28. Are we friends?
29. When and how did we meet?
30. Describe me in one word:
31. What was your first impression?
32. Do you still think that way about me now?
33. What reminds you of me?
34. If you could give me anything what would it be?
35. How well do you know me?
36. When's the last time you saw me?
37. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
38. Are you gonna put this on yours to see what I say about you?

Cosmetics are too strong for your pretty face...

[This picture eventually applys. I swear]

So I just got back from the Bella concert ( Woo hoo Dalmeny fame ) And it was incredible. They are so good live and are just a bunch of goofs. I love it when bands have fun instead of totaly looking like they dont belive in the concept of fun. haha.

Honestly though. It was so surreal at the start.
Let me set the mood for those of you who havent been to the bassment
So we walk in this really skinny staircase. Into a Unusually dark room ( well to me anyways. Never really been to a "bar/music club" before )
And theres people sitting around. We go sit at a table in the corner near the bar and I look over the area
I see some normal looking kids, You know. Normal clothes..normal...youthfull age.
Upon scanning over the crowd. I stop at a man whos standing by the bar. By himself. Hes in a tux. Hes older, and hes holding a martini. Im thinking. What in the world?
Then. If he couldnt possibly look stranger. The band that was playing before Bella. Called him up and , Yup. Auctioned him off " for one night "
After a bit of coaxing and guilting the crowd the band got the ladies up to 5 dollars. Yep. A guy who looks like hes worth $800 ( not in looks wise but dress and,...martini wise) Goes for 5 dollars.
All I could do but laugh. And pinch myself because I thought I was dreaming. and there were no light switches around to flick on and off ( If you dont know what I mean by that. Ask me? )

Oh to make the situation more surreal. Yeah. Josh Palmer was sitting behind us. By himself. Looking depressed. So....that was cool/weird I guess.

Oh But the tunes were great. The band first was called....uuuh.....C...something ( someone help me out ) And they were decent, They were like a 7 peice indie band kind of thing.
They had the whole violin, harp, trombone, trumpet, piano, drums, guitar, ( hahahaha does anyone remember that guy who came to sell magazines at our school..."who wants the stuie doll" He was DEFINATLY the drummer which also adds to the surreal...ity)
I loved the music and the lyrics. they were so random. but I wasnt crazy over the guys voice. Although it did remind me of bright eyes
The cool thing was is the violin player ( also he was dressed in like 80s workout clothing) played his violion like a guitar at one point and plugged it in to the...( im risking looking like an idiot here) Distortion? thing. Sorry I dont know what its called. But it sounded sweet

Bella was TONS of fun. There music just makes you want to get up and dance no matter how mennonite you think you are. ( No im not mennonite. im just making a point )
Cam is such a nut it was halarious watching that guy. Pretty much my favorite. And then they all started doing a robot...type thing. Which i thought was pretty sweet if i do say so myself.
They got everyone standing up and dancing dispite Kerris moms attempts to sit everyone down because she couldnt see.
So good job guys. Although I doubt anyone from Bella reads this. Haha.

Bloodless...

Some things are better left unsaid. Sometimes I just dont want to know because It breaks my heart to know I have no effect on what he does. Nothing can be done thats right in my mind.
I guess all thats left to do is pray.

[ I wouldn't mind some of you to pray for this as well. Actually, Id really appreciate it.
I know none of you know what im talking about and im not about to post it bluntly on my blog for the whole world to see. So I dunno. Thanks in advance for the blind prayer I guess? Sorry if this whole thing made no sense. ]

Cellar Door...

Ugh this is one of those times where I feel like I should be saying something profound. But nothings coming out.
Oh well. Ill just bore you again with my crazy antics....

I just watched the breakfast club. One of my favorite movies
It has a scene that is on my top 10 list of favorite movie scenes. Where they are dancing around at the end. You know...If youve seen it im sure you know what im talking about.

Which reminds me. Since its quarter to 2 and im not tired at all. Im going to bore you with my top 10 movie scenes ( in no praticular order )

1. The Breakfast Club - When there dancing around. As I explained before.
2. Waynes World - Where there driving around in the car listening to bohemian rapsody
3. Donnie Darko - Where hes talking to Frank in the movie theatre ( also that scene contains one of my favorite movie lines which is ( Donnie : Why are you wearing that stupid rabbit suit?
Frank: Why are you wearing that stupid man suit? )
4. Monty Python Search For The Holy Grail - tim the enchanter
5. Grease - the ending song"we go together" Except that they fly away in a car. Thats dumb
6. Phantom of the Opera - The mirror scene. Where he takes her into his lair with the 80s music in the background haha
7. The Wizard of Oz - The lady pedaling on the bicycle outside Dorothys bedroom window as the house is caught in the center of the tornado
8. Edward Scissor Hands - The very end scene when she explains how she knows hes still alive or when she dances in the snow from his ice sculptures
9. Donnie Darko - When hes in the psyciatrists office when he sees Frank
10. Almost famous - When they are on the bus singing hold me closer tiny dancer


Well there you have it. Boring enough for you? I hope so.

Waiting for the past...

I hate seeing people after not seeing them for like a year. Someone youve got to know over a certain period of time and you once considerd them a close friend.
its like every little conversation and everything that you have done together has just come undone. all that time of knowing each other has dissappeard.
Thats why I hate not keeping in touch with people I really got to know or enjoyed during the summer. I always say im going to keep in touch. You know. Go for coffee. And plans always fall through.
You know. I try maybe once or twice but after that I completly give up. And it sucks.
Everyone whos reading this from camp or ...anywhere where that I cant keep in touch. Lets keep it up?
I dont want to have another one of those awkward experinces passing you by in a mall and not being sure that you recognize or even know me anymore. Iv had it happen one to many times and its kind of depressing.

Anyways...dun dun dun dun!! heres a boys rant. woo hoo! so if you dont feel like listening to me whine. I suggest you close this box. HA!

I have pretty much decided to give up on guys yet again. It's just not worth getting all excited about. I go to school and I am surrounded by attractive (and not so attractive males) and none of them show a smidgen of interest in me.
I only know a few superficially, and there's no reason to drool over guys that aren't into me or share my beliefs.
I've always been honest when the subject comes up: i'm waiting for a guy to pursue me. People act like i'm crazy when i admit that (that i want the guy to make the first move). They act like, "How can you honestly expect a guy to have the guts to make the first move?!?"
People ALWAYS try to convince EVERYONE that you dont need to date in highschool but why are we supposed to be independent, not need anyone, and act as if we're perfect? I'm not perfect, i hate being independent, and i do need someone. I need God, but i also feel incomplete being single, even when He's overflowing my heart with love and joy. Why should i be ashamed to admit that?
When God created Adam and all the animals He saw that Adam was alone and lonely, that there was no companion suitable for him, and so He made one (Genesis 2:18-24)! And so if God did that for Adam and Eve i believe that i am designed to perfect one man's life just as he is designed to perfect mine. God made us for each other.
Anyways, i'm just so sick of thinking about it all the time. Every time i meet a guy i think: "Could he be the one?" And of course he's not. He's not interested. He's attractive, he's nice, but he's not him.
They always say that you'll find him when you stop looking for him (who in the world is "they" anyway? it drives me wild how they always feel that they're an authority about my life) you'll find him. So i gave up on guys. I didn't find one (i thought i might have, but we never got past the crush stage: he didn't want to be friends even, apparently).
I slowly started looking again as i got more and more lonely, more and more desperate. I still haven't found him and now i'm a whiney damsel in distress. I don't want that. I don't want to be imagining up situations where prince charming comes and rescues me--because quite honestly i don't know that i'd want him rescuing me even if he did come--but i'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that maybe that's exactly who God designed me to be (the damsel in distress).
As much as i hate to admit it, i want to be rescued, too. Not that i want my husband to replace God in my life, but i just don't feel complete being single, either.
Now i know that a lot of people are saying to themselves right now: "You don't need or want a guy, you don't know how lucky you are," and, "See the world while you still can," etc.
F rankly i don't want to see the world alone. Sure, i want to go on the Amazing Race but have no one to do it with. I want to travel around the world, but not alone. ... i just want to at least find a guy to give me my first kiss.
That's not life... it's holding my breath and waiting for life to begin. I'm sick of it. I don't want to find some random guy and date him, but i'm tired of crushes not getting past eye tag and long conversations where we click but nothing happens.
I've never even been asked out on a date. I'm so tired of waiting. I know i'm weak, i know i should have more patience, because yeah. I am only 17. But with all the dating mumbo jumbo going on around me. every corner I turn makes me want to be in that position...just once.
But it never happens.
It's in God's hands and He'll have it timed out all sweet and perfect. But im the most impatient person ever so its gonna be hard but i will wait for God to send ....someone
Ill just have to suck it up and wait some more I guess.

Oh no! hes locked the gate from the other side! we have to go around the other way!

My weekends actually turning around. For one thing. I dont care about the below post. Im done caring. And my day went really well starting last night.

Me and my dad watched hitchikers guide to the galaxy last night. Two words for you. SO FUNNY!
Thats exactly my kind of movie. So random
The following was one of my favorite quotes, although, it is long. so im sorry

The Book: It is important to note that suddenly, and against all probability, a Sperm Whale had been called into existence, several miles above the surface of an alien planet. Since this isn't a naturally terrible position for a whale, this innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity. This is what it thought, as it fell;
The Whale: Ahhh! Woooh! What's happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I?
Okay okay, calm down calm down get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? Its a sort of tingling in my... well I suppose I better start finding names for things. Lets call it a... tail! Yeah! Tail! And hey, what's this roaring sound, whooshing past what I'm suddenly gonna call my head? Wind! Is that a good name? It'll do. Yeah, this is really exciting. I'm dizzy with anticipation! Or is it the wind? There's an awful lot of that now isn't it? And what's this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like 'Ow', 'Ownge', 'Round', 'Ground'! That's it! Ground! Ha! I wonder if it'll be friends with me? Hello Ground!
[Hits ground and dies ]

My favorite character though was definatly the manic depressed robot Marvin

Is that not the most depressing robot youve ever seen?

Haha...Oh man. I know a bunch of people didnt like it but i loved it.



But on with my day today me and my dad went into the city looking for cameras for me on my birthday ( woo hoo 22 days away! ) And I found the PERFECT camera that im going to get. for cheap too! so im pretty pumped.

Also we stopped at starbucks and as I was waiting they forgot to make my order so I had to wait a while.
Most people would think this was a bad thing. but as a result I got a free coffee cupon! woot!

And the fall supper is tonight. hoo-jah

How does it feel to be on the reciving end?


Dont you hate it when your day is going really well. but then that one thing happens that just smashes your whole weekend apart?

usually Id "look on the bright side of things" But really. Iv had enough of this

Iv tried fixing and putting this back together so many times its no longer possible.
So broken it cant be fixed.
....And they dont even know it...

Regarding Janelles...fun game...thing


1. Go to www.m-w.com.
2. In the dictionary, search your name.
3. Note the most creative word that is closest to your name.
4. Go to www.google.com/images.
5. Search the word that you found.
6. Post the most random picture you found from the first page.

Mine was "Stoph". I googled it and my resulting picture is:

Wanna hear a funny story? Well ok. Its not really a story...And its not that funny

I woke up to my mom singing christmas songs because it snowed last night...That was...Pleasant, haha.
I love snow. Well the first snow anyways. It loses its novelty after christmas.
I had a cruddy start to my day today. But my days been good because I got to walk to school in the snow and that means I can soon start making snow angels. Go christmas caroling. push others into the snow. and the most exciting part is i can now start listening to christmas carols as soon as I get home. woo
Oh I know. Snow is going to get old very quickly. But im enjoying it until it gets to that point.

There are a few questions I don’t have answers to, none of them are really important, but I’m interested in the answers anyway.
Why, for instance, don’t many people use pocket watches, cups with the mustache guards, or those handy little walking sticks?
I guess they could be seen as weapons, ok scratch the last one.
But honestly, why do dogs find a portion of flooring and decide to lick it? I’ve seen many a dog do this and I thought, “What could be so tasteful on that specific part of the floor?”
What makes people so grossed out about different foods touching on the plate before eating them? Are they traveling to a different place? Yes, they must be taking a different route to the same exit.
Who invented sporks, and why? Maybe it was to give me another thing to think about, clearly, there isn’t enough.
When and why was it ever established that pink-is-for-girls and blue-is-for-boys?
Is there a time in life when I’ll forget to laugh at myself or remember that taking a chance is not a future regret unless I don’t learn something?
What makes us selfish? Love? Hate? War?
What makes us love unconditionally, forgive and become selfless?
. Am I wasting your time?

Am I a weirdo magnet or something???

I watched the sandlot this weekend, what a good movie. its so funny, and those kids do such crazy stuff.
reminds me of my childhood. i mean, i didnt play baseball or run from giant ferocious dog (except one time), but my friends and i did weird fun stuff. i swear we were so weird as kids, but just so cool. i wish i was still that creative.
i mean, i never have ideas like i used to, like using a laundry basket as a pirate ship to navigate around the house... or maybe its just that im too big to fit in that laundry basket anymore... Thats probably it. Because i tried to sleep in a box the other day like i used to and it broke.
Seriosly. It was so fun. youd take a blanket with you and a pillow. put the pillow behind you and stick your legs out and let your butt hang in the box and just sleep.
so fun
Weird that my fondest childhood memories involve being shoved in boxes and stuff and sleeping

On a completly diffrent note:
i feel as though some things lately should really be left untouched because i just screw them up and then ruin something that didnt need to be ruined in the first place.
i should probably figure out which things in life not to mess with because i do it much too often and it leads to me not talking to people anymore and it makes me sad


And to end off. If I EVER catch ANY of you wearing ANY of these costumes. I will personally punch you in the throat. And if I dont...someone will

Just in case someone out there was wondering....

I finally rememberd what I said in that dream

What I said goes along with my previous thought of
"no angel wants to be tied down to the earth like a human"
I remeber me going up on my tiptoes because it was huge and I whisperd into its ear
"why should you be so lucky to leave?"
And it looked back at me but didn't answer

What?
Dreams are strange I tell you.

I got a dog!

His names bear and hes a golden lab!
My dad finally cracked, He came into my room this morning and was like....fine were keeping him.
the reason we have him is because my auntie moved out of her acredge and so my grandma had to take him. but he was chained up all the time so we took him so we can take him for walks and stuff

The plus side is hes only 3 so he doesnt stink.
He got hit by a bus when he was little though and it ran over his hips so they are reconstructed so he has a bit of trouble with one of his legs for a minute after he gets up but its cool.

awww im so excited

Note: the dog in that picture isnt actually bear but he looks almost exactly like that one.
ill post pictures maybe when i get my new camera!

Sorry for plaguing you with lyrics but...

Read these through and realize how many of these statements are true...

Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, sunset.
swiftly go the days.
Sunrise, sunset.You wake up, then you undress.
It always is the same.
a sunrise and the sun sets.
YouÂ’re lying while you confess, keep trying to explain.
a sunrise and the sun sets you realize
then you forget what youÂ’ve been trying to retain.
But everybody knows itÂ’s all about the things
that get stuck inside of your head,
like the songs your roommate sings
a vision of her body as she stretches out on your bed.
and she raised her hands in the air asked you,
When was the last time you looked in the mirror?
cause you have changed.
Yeah, you have changed.
Sunrise, the sun sets.
You are hopeful and then you regret.
The circle never breaks.
With a sunrise and a sunset thereÂ’s a change of heart or address.
Is there nothing that remains?
For a sunrise or a sunset.
YouÂ’re manic or youÂ’re depressed.
Will you ever feel ok?
for a sunrise or sunset, your lover is an actress.
Did you really think sheÂ’d stay?
For a sunrise or sunset.
YouÂ’re either coming or you just left but youÂ’re always on the way.
Towards a sunrise or a sunset, a scribble or a sonnet.
They are really just the same.
To the sunrise and the sunset.
The master and his servant have exactly the same fate.
ItÂ’s a sunrise and a sunset.
From a cradle to a casket.
ThereÂ’s no way to escape.
The sunrise and the sunset.
Hold your sadness like a puppet, keep putting on the play.
But everything you do is leading to the point
where you just wonÂ’t know what to do.
And at that moment you may laugh
but there is someone there who will be laughing louder than you.
So itÂ’s true, the trick is complete.
become everything you said that you never would be.
YouÂ’re a fool! YouÂ’re a fool!
Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, sunset.
The sunrise and the sun sets.
Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, the sun sets.
Sunrise, the sun sets.
Sunrise, sunset.
Go home to your apartment
put the cassette in the tape deck and let that fever play.
Sunrise, sunset.
Where are you Arienette?
Where are you Arienette?

I LOVE those lyrics. So true


But anyways onto the real post.
I came home today and I knew my grandma was coming over.
So I start cleaning up.
She gets in and she brings with her my favorite dog in the entire world! my aunties dog!
its a golden lab and my brother might be keeping it!
Which leads me to my next discovery...Hes moving out in a month...WHAT!?
Why am I the last to know about these things....moving out? Im going to be an only child.
I feel so old.... I just got a job yesterday at the barn playhouse and Im soon getting my application to go to australia in a YEAR.
I just thought about that....In a year...Im gone for 6 months to another freakin continent...what is up with that!? Im so old...
I dont want to grow up....
I want to go back to a time where I can play with lego and imaginary friends and not get looked at strange.
I want nap time
Heck id even take a time out or two
I just want to be a kid again.

Sometimes I just want to put on my headphones, crank the volume and block out the world around me.
Ignore the world screaming at me that its time for me to grow up
time for me to know what im going to do with my life
What if i dont know forsure yet?
What if my plans dont meet your expectations?
I wish i could just lay on my bed, close my eyes and make up my own story
but that only works for so long you know?
your eventually going to get hungry, tired, thirsty, that screaming voice is eventually going to overpower your headphones
Somethings going to make you get up from that magical imaginary world sometime
and somehow thats depressing...

"Broken Wings"

In a dream I spent the day with you
In a carriage bought by blood.
The clouds were singing songs of fear and loss;
And they cut me down to size.
And they cut me down to size.

Broken wings
Have a home tonight.
No one is listening, no one is listening.
When darkness fell on the streets last night,
We never expected, we never expected this.

In a perfect world, I'd never know your name,
And do we even know it when we die?
Or will death just pass us by?
Will death just pass us by?
Please just pass us by.

Broken wings
Have a home tonight.
No one is listening, no one is listening.
When darkness fell on the streets last night,
We never expected, we never expected this.

When all this pain is justified,
While all the time is passing by.
Now is when we clench our fists
Knowing we can fight through this.
The hours and days are gone.
The weeks and months are moving on.
Can't they see that's nothing gonna stop us now?

Broken wings
Have a home tonight.
No one is listening, no one is listening
When darkness fell on the streets last night,
we never expected, we never expected this.

Bonfire of Vanity Rooms...

I had a dream last night.
It was strange...errie yet peaceful
I dreamt I was outside mowing the lawn and I looked up and I saw something magnificant on the other end of my lawn
I looked and there stood an angel, But the thing was this angel had no wings.
I cant explain how I knew it was an angel...it was so beautiful and perfect
The one thing about it that stuck out was is it was crying. Its tears looked as if they were beads of crystal that almost hurt for me to look at they shone so bright.
I remember walking over to it...and feeling terrible.
I mean what angel wants to be stranded on earth without wings?
I said something to it but for the life of me I cant remember what it was...I wish I could I just remember the only thing was all i wanted to was give that angel back its wings, more than anything in the world. And it hurt to know that I couldnt...

Strange yet peaceful in a way...

If I remeber what I said ill let you guys know
If anyone has any idea to what this means that would be cool.


( I want that picture of those angel wings tattood on my back...so cool.
not big or anything but medium size..so its not overwhelming )