Running on empty

You know when your driving your car. and you dont realize that your gas tank is empty and your gas light comes on? Then you panic and try to get to a gas station as quick as humanly possible and as your pulling up, you coast in on the fumes?

Yeah. thats me right now.

I give this week three thumbs....in my eyes

All I ask is that someone listens. Is that so hard?
Apparantly that task is too much to ask of some people.

WOW with steph....heheheh....

Me and Jess were talking a while ago about how ignorant people can be towards there own beliefs.

Maybe that sentence didn't make sense the first time through. Let me show you what I mean

Some people grow up in a certain setting. I'm going to use a christian household as an example to save time. ( and its something most people can relate to )
So anyways. People grow up being told what to believe by there parents or by an alternate source such as a "pastor". Not necessarily wrong things, but things that are the only options presented to you none the less. So you grow up, thinking that thing that your taught is the right thing, Not questioning the belief for a moment or even questioning WHY you believe it, but accepting it because that's all you have ever known.

But what we were talking about how its..I dont know...better. To question your beliefs, You know? Its better to stop and look at what you've been taught and ask yourself if you truly trust that everything your taught is true. That everything your taught is something you agree with or is there some aspects you just dont like the sounds of? Now I dont mean taking a religion and twisting it to your liking. to suit yourself, But I mean you have to ask yourself why you believe it. Is it because you choose to really believe it. or is it because its the only thing you know.
One thing that really makes me mad is when people say they believe in something. but they dont know why.

Which is why, personally I think its easier to be in my situation. Not around a ton of christian influence, because I chose to believe it and didnt have someone else choose it for me. Its a genuine belief because I've explored other options and questioned the things I believe now. and I can now say I know why I believe in the things I do. because even after questioning everything I still believe it, it still came out on top and it makes the most sense to me. Its something I now find the most fulfilling. And I honestly dont think you can truly appreciate it until you've done so.

But maybe thats just me. and maybe I said belief so many times I dont even recall the meaning anymore, also maybe this is the half asleep ramblings of my mind because I have to stay up until 2 30 to pick up my brother from work....Oh well. this is what works for me.

Three cheers for blizzards! ( we should consider getting a screen. no?)

Search for a hooligan. Part 1

Alright you guys. Seriosly, Someone has it in for my family I think. and im going into ultra super ninja spy mode from now on to find the culprit.
Twice I have come out of my house and came upon flat tires on two seperate cars. What the dealio!

I brought scotts tire into the shop here in Dalmeny ( which is absolutly horrifying by the way ) and he just informed me that the tire wasnt popped or had a leak. someone let the air out.
Well thank you whoever you are. thats not destructive. its just extremly annoying and inconvienient.

I thought that was the end of that but I came out this morning and a tire was flat on the intrepid! not quite all the way flat so i drove * very pissed off* to the shop and filled it up.

crazy hooligans. when will they learn that if you REALLY wanna piss someone off you smash a window or knife the tire. I mean.....wait...ignore that. yeah if you wanna piss off someone you just do something they can fix without cost *shifty eyes* yeah...thats what i meant.
If i catch whos doing this ima bust a cap!

Unless they confess of course * looks in jess's direction* haha

I give in.

Fine, are you happy? I changed to the new blogger. Only because I got kicked off the life on trial blog. haha


But anyways. Funny story. well....funny or sad. you decide
me and jess reverted back to a grade 7 mentality tonight and went out scoping. Haha. yes. we ARE that lame. thanks for asking. but thats not the sad part. oh no, not even a little bit
the sad part is we literally went to 4 ( because market mall doesnt count ) places. to scope for guys. Starbucks, Tim hortons, Mcdonalds and A&W hahahaha. and the results got worse as the night went on. resulting in NO boys at the last location. it was pretty fun though hahaha.

Yah. thats right. We need boyfriends QUICK

Im now regretting telling the entire interweb about this. but hey. its what i do.

Freedumb

"I belive that apathy and self interest will be the death of our nation, and it will happen sooner than anyone could imagine"


I dont think I'v ever visited a site and seen something that I fully 200% agree with more than this picture.

Our nation is going in a downward spiral of ignorance and selfishness.,its only getting worse.
People are caring less and less for people around the world , not to mention in their own community. Now a days you will more commonly get a glare, the finger, a honk, or something yelled at you rather than a smile.
People dont care about issues such as poverty, homelessness, gangs, disease and drugs in their own community so what makes you think people are going to muscle up the energy to do something about a problem halfway around the globe?
Everyone is too caught up in their lives , not sparing an ounce of energy on someone else wether it be holding open a door or volenteering at a homeless shelter, not sparing a penny because God forbid they cant buy that new pair of designer shoes they've been eyeing for some time because they just gave the money to a charity.
And this is just on the topic of our own community. Why dont I ever see big organizations who make millions doing something good and donate to a charity or good cause. Or more importantly, why dont I ever see individuals doing so?

Not saying NOBODY does anything for good causes or people in need. Because there are alot of people who do. and thats great I admire those who are taking the extra effort to help out. But the number of people who could care less about the world out-numbers the ones who do.

If we keep up this downward spiral of ignorance pretty soon no ones going to know about HIV/AIDS in Africa, There not going to know about the Genocide happening in Darfur. People are going to forget about the Hurricane victims of the Hurricane Katrina who still need our help. Global warming will become a myth. Or even worse. They will remember it. Just be too apathetic towards the whole situation and pull the " Well why cant someone else handle it?" " I shouldnt have to be responsible for something that doesnt concern nor affect me"

I was actually viewing a message board the other day. and the topic was on the earths carrying capacity and if the earth could handle its current rate of consumption ( food , gas, resources, ect ) and the possibility of resources running out. and this was one persons response to the isssue.
"Of course it can't, but I don't give a shit as long as the resources run out after I'm dead."

THIS is the very reason our society is going down the loo. Its responses like that, regarding a major issue that is very real , makes me doubt the intellegence / lifespan of humankind as we know it. Because as much as we'd like to disagree, theres far more of THOSE people then people who will do something about it.

Im not saying im the perfect human being. Im not saying I do all that I can do to help those in need. Im not even saying im not one of those people who completly forget about everyone who isnt within arms reach.
Because I know that I could be doing more, I rarely give to charitys, I volenteer occasionally, but only when its convienient for me. and when its something I think could be fun.
Im not perfect. Thats my point. And this whole realization has been nudging me to try to make a difference. Not to go as far as to cure AIDS but, start with something smaller.
Awareness is a major part of curing/solving/helping.
We need to find out about this stuff and tell people.

I wish ignorance wasn't bliss. Ignorance should be painful.

Being attractive is overrated

Thats right my friends, a triceratops.




Anyways. that picture had nothing to do with anything. nor does the title but hey. What are you gonna do? shoot me?

So today, ...I dont know. Felt good to say the least. Its been a while since I could say that and it feels nice.
I had a dream last night. ( first one in a while mind you. I think works prevented me from dreaming or something ) I wont go into the details of it but I took it as a sign that my life isnt going in the right direction and people who care about me have noticed. and are wanting to help out.
Not like im a renagade and am getting drunk everynight ( or ever for that matter ) but you know, im not who I used to be. And if you know ( or should I say "knew" ) me, i think you'd agree.
I DO like the people im friends with now. I really do. Love them to peices. But sometimes I think I need that...familiar,.....I dont really know what it is about the old crew. but whatever it is. its genuine. All the time. Not when they feel like it, not when they have to. But its because thats just how they are. genuine. I dont think I can put it more simply than that.
I had something tonight I needed. I had a girls night with girls who care about me. I miss those nights. and I had a ton of fun. I dont know why I ever left that. It wasnt intentional thats forsure if any of you girls are reading this.
I dont know how or why it happend. But im sorry. I dont want to lose you girls again. I dont wanna lose ANYone again. Your too good to me. I dont want my life to get in the way of that again. And if you guys still want I want alot more nights like that.

Im not ready to give up on who I used to be. But I want to work on the new me too. I have changed yes. but, some parts for the better and I just need to decide which is which. What I can do without and what I cant live without.

THIS will be a trip.

New years survey

1. What did you do this year that you've never done before?
Alot of things. some things im not proud of. Some things I am

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I dont remember my resolution for last year. But this year it will definatly be to do more internet surveys . haha because I clearly havent done enough.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth this year?
Katie!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope

5. What countries did you visit this year?
zero.

6. What would you like to have in the next year that you lacked this year?
Money, and ambition

7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory - and why?
The entire summer for me. Mostly the lake weekend. So many friends gained and lost. It was a happy sad kind of thing. But this summer has definatly been one of the best of my life by far.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Winning the photography competition I entered

9. What was your biggest failure of the year?
Uhm, probably not saving up enough money to go to australia in January

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Probably like. colds and the flu. But thats all I can recall

11. What was the best thing you bought this year?
All my wicked awesome cd's.

12.Whose behavior merited celebration (a public or private personality)?
I dont really understand this question. That or I dont know how to answer it.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Oh I could think of a few people. But im not naming names.

14. Where did most of your money go this year?
Gas and Australia

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about this year?
The lake. Leaving two weeks after this year ended.

16. What song will always remind you of this year?
Soco amaretto lime by brand new

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- happier or sadder?
- richer or poorer?
- thinner or fatter ( I think, im not even sure )

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Saving my money

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Spending my money

20. How did you spend the holidays?
at my house with my family

21. Did you fall in love this year?
No i dont think so

22. How many one-night stands did you have this year?
365...I mean...0

23. What was your favorite TV program for the year?
As always. The simpsons!

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Oh probably

25. What was the best book you read this year?
Screwtape letters

26. What was your favorite film of the year?
Does it have to be made in this year? if not. garden state or waking life

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?
a little bit of everything. "whatever i finds i keeps"

28. Whom did you miss this year?
Carrie, Braden, kurtis when he was in the dominican

29. Who was the best new person you met this year?
Joey then rob

30. What are your wishes for 2007
That ignorance wouldnt be bliss. but it would be painful

31.Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned for this year.
DONT PROCRASTINATE!!! if you want something you have to get up off your ass and do it.

Wheres 32?

33. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Sufjan Stevens and The Decemberists by FAR

34. What did you want and get?
An Ipod nano

35. What did you want and not get?
A digital SLR but I wasnt really counting on it

37. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 18 and I spent the evening at my house with some friends. playing simpsons jeapordy

38. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Knowing im leaving in 2 weeks. but im not.

40. What kept you sane?
Music, my friends in the summer

41. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Dilbert

42. What political issue stirred you the most?
So many, and not any.

WHY are there SO many missing??

45. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year
“There’s reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last.”
"Heres to the nights we felt alive. heres to the tears you knew youd cry"
"I wanna stay 18 forever, so we can stay like this forever"

iFraud ( happy birthday Jesus )

Not that I wanted to make this post about the idealistic aspect of christmas. Im not normally one to be materialistic and all that stuff, But this was a little bit too funny to pass up.

So this morning yah im unwrapping presents. I get to my parents gift to me and im expecting the iPod nano they were giving me for my birthday and christmas. I happily unwrap it thinking im finally able to carry something more convienent at work. hip hip huzzah!
Anyways so yeah I open it. And I look inside and sure enough. theres my mp3 player. Hoozah
Except....
It looks a little diffrent. (such as no touch wheel and no hold button )But it still says apple ipod on it so I think to myself oh pfft thats ok. its probably just the new version I heard they came out with. So im not thinking much of it until I tried putting music onto it.
First of all the manual was in broken english and my computer wouldnt recognize the software. So I thought...weird
I finally figured out a way to put on music and I tried listening to it and the menu is all screwed up, NOTHING like an iPod should be. so finally I was like oooooook whats going on. And I looked it up on the net and found out it was a conterfeit mp3 player.
Yay for Illegal presents on christmas!


This is it. Mines white though. Haha

Inspi(red)

Alot of stuff I've been reading/hearing/seeing lately has left me inspired.

Inspired to do what? I dont know. Ha, When do I ever know? Im retarded like that. I have this uncontrolable urge to do something but I never know what it is. Ever. And when I do know things always ALWAYS fall through or I just give up. Its cool. Maybe I should change that

Maybe its just nice to see people who give a damn, people who know what their passions hopes and dreams are and go for it.
Maybe its nice to see everyones not a tangled mess like me and actually have there mind figured out and arent afraid to try something they've wanted to do. Weather it be writing a song, starting a band, or trying to make a diffrence in the lives of others less fortunate than we are.
Maybe its nice to see that the human race isnt totally hopeless and gone to waste.
Maybe I want to be somebody like that. Or be like that again. Who knows?
I know I dont.


I like to think that I have myself figured out. But newsflash! I really dont.
( what a suprise )

Would you like that supersized?

Ambition,
ambition is a tricky thing.
It’s like riding a unicycle over a dental floss tightrope over a wilderness of razor blades.
Ambition can backfire.
Ambition means more,
ambition means faster,
ambition means better.
What if you could supersize – can you supersize ambition?
Does that make you ambitious to supersize ambition?
Around here, our ambition hurts more than it helps.
See, around here, our ambition throws a non-perishable item into the donation box at Christmas
and pats itself on the back because it thinks it’s done something decent.
Yeah, we’re supersizing ambition.
Make no mistake about it.
(It’s alright, sooner or later)
Ambition will televise the revolution,
and it will sell more commercial spots than the Super Bowl,
the Olympics,
the World Series,
and the tragedY DE JOUR combined.
We’re supersizing,
we’re supersizing the record,
because we’re ambitious.




Yay Leah and lending me wicked awesome cd's . Yay Matt Good
Yay

Sufjan instead of city sounds

Well, I conquerd myself for a moment, but that moment was quickly taken away from me.
My fights not in the flesh but in the spirit, and thats the worst kind, it feels like im slowly being defeated, thrown on to a merry go round about to be hurled into the mericlous eternity of outer space ( although the trip would be cool until the enevitable exploding of my head )

Im getting lost and left behind in a world of petty cash, news flash, and white trash. Im left alone with my head at night to think...I have too much time to think about what will happen, what could happen, what could HAVE happend and my worries about tommorow. I try to stop but Im still left laying in bed staring at my ceiling. waiting. hoping for the stars to come down on me. Im losing my mind

Why is it that anxiety stress and panic are more common to me around Christmas than a good fun merry Christmas spirit?



I sat on a bench beside the road today for an hour, drowning out the city traffic with the soothing tunes of Sufjan Stevens. People were looking at me weird and I didnt care. I was getting wet with the mucky melted snow being tossed up from the tires, and I didnt care. I was cold. and my butt and feet were wet from my poor attempt to get past a snowbank to the bench and another poor attempt at brushing off the snow from the seat. but I didnt care.
For at that exact moment, everything was ok, everything was peaceful and for once I wasnt busy thinking ...and that was fine.

Malfunction. Self destruct in 3..2...1

So you know. I had a pretty overall bad day. But hey. Im sticking to my motto and I dont care what my mind tells me im GOING to be happy OK!?


Ill let these Jacks Mannequin lyrics speak for me.


Finally, I'm letting go of all my downer thoughts
In no time there'll be one less sad robot
Looking for a chance to be something more than just metal


Im feeling a li-it-tle - rob-it-tron-ic lately. I dont feel like myself and the reason for that is routine. routine is satan and it leaves me no time to be myself. express myself the ways I want to. Be spontaneous and awesome.
Well i mean routine isnt the ONLY culprit.... iv lost all my drive and ambition to do anything
im drained from working at my horrible...HORRIBLE job that I hate with the intensity of a thousand burning suns....I need to find something to strive for ..something new.


I need to be repaired

Im on a blog rampage

Just lettin you all know that I set up a seperate blog for Australia just so i can update everyone on whats goin on with me before I leave and also when im there

Check out www.talesofasaskatchewanpirate.blogspot.com

Fate likes to play a little game with me called " up yours steph!"

Question: What demon from the depths of hell created tuesdays
Answer : Monday. It couldnt fit all the suffering into one day so it had a baby



Crap crap crap crap crap crap


My brother TOTALLY cant cosign for me. SCREW YOU JACS VIDEO!!!!!!


I wanna crawl into bed and sleep for years.

I uh.....like?... saskatchewan

Ill be leaving all this in January SUCKERS....

Ok. Winter rules

Wow yesterday morning was just insane pretty. I feel sorry for everyone NOT getting up at 6. ( actually thats a lie ) But it was awesome none the less.
I was driving to work and there was a very thick fog that blanketed the trees with BEAUTIFUL hoar frost. Im sure you all saw the after effects of that once you all woke up...
But in the morning it was so eerie how everything just crept out of the fog and disappeard just as quick as it came, like it wasnt even there in the first place. I kinda felt claustrphobic though not being able to see anything but white past a 3 feet radius.
I was highly questioning where I was. If I wasnt from here I wouldnt know where i was going cause all I could see of any signs were just a haze.
I just wish I had my camera with me. I should start carrying it wherever I go.

This is one of the things that I dont hate about winter. I can whine and complain until my head asplodes but as soon as I see something as pretty as that I just have to stop and be like...ok you win. winter rocks

Life list

I know its my second ( technically 3rd but I deleted the last post ) post of the day. I dont know what to do with myself anymore....

ANYWAYS. I wanted you all to see my life list and what I have accomplished because im just bored like that...
The ones I have completed are in bold ....clearly


1. Be my own boss
2. Start my own photography buisness
3. Sell one of my photographs I took
4. Learn how to surf
5. Travel to Australia
6. Have a sponsor child
7. Own a room with a view
8. Create something people admire
9. Be "the" photographer for someones wedding
10. Ride in a hot air balloon
11. Do missions work on another continent
12. Do missions work in my own community
13. Witness an obvious physical miracle of God
14. Learn how to drive a standard
15. Get a picture I took get published in a magazine
16. Get a picture I took get published in a newspaper
17. Learn how to play guitar ( well )
18. Learn how to play piano
19. Have a major impact on someones life
20. Recieve a paycheck from a steady job
21. Submit a photo into a competition
22. Win that competition
23. Get married
24. Go to college/university/take a class of sorts
25. Own a great peice of art
26. Sleep under the stars
27. Be featured on the cover of a magazine
28. Meet someone I admire
29. Finish my sketchbook
30. Stop procratinating
31. Write my life story
32. Improve my posture
33. Get a tattoo
34. Go on a roadtrip with no pre-determined destination
35. Live passionatly
36. Learn to read music
37. Send a message in a bottle
38. Plant a tree
39. Write the novel I know I have inside me
40. Learn to juggle
41. Attend a huge rock concert
42. Eat at the samurai
43. Visit a ghost town
44. Visit the crooked trees
45. Get a t-shirt made at Shamatta
46. Fly first class
47. Try colourd contacts
48. Ride a train
49. Truly appreciate life
50. Ride on a motorcycle
51. Make a new list because I have finished this one




Wow i need to do more with my life....I REALLY havent accomplished that much, But i can see at least like...20 of those being crossed off while im away..so thats ok