one million below 0

Ok ok. heres my beef today. or....yesterday

Why did this cold snap make it into the news yesterday?
seriosly though? other than those two babies dying...that makes sense. but thats a completely different story. im not even going to go there.

my parents didnt go to work and all they did was sit around watching the weather channel discussing how cold it was outside. like it was some obscure phenomenon of nature that this should happen in SASKATCHEWAN of all places.
seriosly. dear news team. this happens. several times each year.
-50 isnt a big deal. I mean. Yeah. of course its cold. but where do you think we are living? your GOING to get this in the middle of Canada.

My mom said to me and i was walking out the door to go 6 houses down the street

"wear double pants!!"

no mom. no double pants.

servER not servANT

what shows your true charachter is not how you treat superiors. but how you treat those you consider to be lesser than you


i havent found this statement to be more true then in the last...what...5 months of my life.
whats so significant about those 5 months you ask? i've been a server. granted. its not as long as alot of people in the "biz" but its enough to say that it really sucks sometimes.

but hey. on the contrary. there are the handful of people that make my day worthwhile. to prove that there are people in the world that actually have the decency to treat someone as an equal

I mean seriously? is being a waitress really that low? its not like im rummaging through garbage getting through life from bringing in my cans for nickles, washing off peoples windows at stop signs and lets face it. at least im not in the fast food buisness. so why treat me like im some scum that emerged from the earth soley to beg and do funny little tricks for your money

if people went around and treated everyone they met on the street like some people treat servers. they would get trampled and punched in the head pretty fast. so what makes people think they can do it to me in my restraunt.
i dont come to your place of buisness and patronize what you do. i dont snap my fingers or holler HEY..HEY! to get your attention. so please. dont do it to me.



just because im your servER doesnt mean im your servANT

So this is the new year, i dont feel any different

so i guess this whole new years thing is very overrated. and new years resolutions are even more overrated. but i decided to make some anyways

Get a job i enjoy
Make at least 5 new friends
Be nicer to everyone
Travel to australia again before july
Less ichiban noodles for dinner.
Less coke ...always
Read more books.
Read more books/websites about photography
Take my camera out and take actual pictures at least once a week
Draw/write more in my journal
See some people I miss.
Travel more
Dont get so attached to people i hardly know
Learn to drive my standard like a pro
Send out christmas cards from christmas 07
Remember more birthdays

there is only one addiction, You are mine..

2 weeks of not working has left me in quite the opposite state of mind then i anticipated. I feel aboslutly trapped. My creative thoughts are being held captive somewhere im not even sure i have the strength to grasp right now.
I know i now have the freedom to leave whenever i want because of my new car. instead of being indefinatly stranded in dalmeny, but for some reason it feels like i cant.
no matter where i go. i will still have the same feeling of wanting to create something beautiful but not being able to. no matter what i do

I hate it when i go through phases like this. i swear they are bi yearly. its the worst feeling in the world when you have lost the ability for your passions, it usually lasts a week or two. but its the most agonizing time when it does come.

and right now its landed at the worst possible moment. the only 2 weeks iv consecutivly done literally nothing it rolls around. so its all i have left to think about.

across the universe

if everyone in the world doesnt see this at some point. ill kill them
great movie

Im so insited!!

in loo of my recieving my new camera. i can hardly contain my insides.

i might just pee myself and not be able to sleep. this is better than christmas i promise

anyways i decided to write a little ditty. in...non song form. about the pros about having a dslr you guys probably never even thought about

1. You actually are taken seriosly, and if worse comes to worse its totally a weapon
You dont see pro photographers for magazines and weddings going around taking photos with pissy kodak easyshares. They all use big black cameras. and bigger the camera, apparantly the BETTER. ( which techincally is true, but i wont get into that ) And if you're not using your BIG camera to take pictures, you can always use it to hit people if they diss your mad skilllz. these things could leave pretty nasty bumps im told

2. You can go to concerts or events for free by dressing up as a reporter.
The security probably arent gonna know diddly squat about cameras. They will just think people who hold small cameras are fanboys and girls trying to harrass the band and those who hold big cameras are reporters trying to do their jobs.
Instead of getting chased away by a bunch of angry burly men, you can sneak into the restricted zones and take up-close photos of the celebrities as much as you like. After all, you're just a reporter "doing your job" right? ;)

(Disclaimer: i do not encourage sneaking into concerts. Please ask your mommy before you do so. i will not be held liable for damages, including damages done to your face when you're caught by security)

3. you can now safely take pictures of randoms on the street
probably because they figure they will be featured in a magazine of somesort.
seriosly. think about it, if you were a busker or somebody cool and someone came up to you in the street, asked to take your picture. and they were holding a dinky minolta. You would assume they were some freak and were taking it for some weird fetish site on the internet you dont want to know about? i know i would.
i feel more comortable when it LOOKS like the person knows what they are talking about. and doing.
(warning: there are still weirdos with big cameras out there. a sure sign to tell a creep with a dslr is to check and see if the person is using the "auto" setting. that usually means they dont know how to use the camera, haha )

4. Finally, your subjects are happier if you take pictures of them with an SLR camera.
Last time, if you use a normal camera to shoot them, they would say NO. and cover theyre face in horror
Now, if you use an SLR camera to shoot them, they pose for you! because apparantly dslrs are full of magic pixie dust that makes everyone look like a super model
Such is the power of a dSLR camera.

who wants to laugh?

oxymoron is a funny word.

"We have forgotten the importance of passion, and traded it for reason and life plans that have nothing to do with how God made us and everything to do with what society expects from us..." - Lis Grozell

i cant count how many times iv almost compromised my plans to do something i love, to hold back and do something someone else would love.
im glad i havent been totally emersed into that mindset but the funny thing is im actually working at a job people want me to. to go towards something i love. which is an oxymoron in itself.
but hey. it works for me. at least im eventually going where i want to be. which is more than most people can say.








now for something completely random...you know...to lighten the mood

Baby its cold outside.

I finally had "peace of mind" while i was driving through the winter fog tonight.
Everything iv been thinking about just faded away like the streetlights i passed in the mist.
Smooth jazz and a peaceful ride homewas all it took.
I haven't felt this great since before i left. Its getting so hard for me to relax and let things drift off lately. and iv finally taken all that and left it back on the highway.
I love how nature can do that to me. I miss the nights i could just take a walk down the street or a drive to the city on a still night and be left alone with my thoughts.
Most of the time im glad i live in a small town so i dont have to hear city noises when i walk. to some people thats comforting. but i perfer to be able to hear the one guy across town start his car and drive off when your several blocks away. and not because the car is loud by any means. its just theres no other noise.
if your a city person. you've got to experince the stillness of the country. really.


The best part about tonight is that the thick winter fog in the evening always makes for a great hoar frost display in the morning. always a treat, especially in the eyes of a self proclaimed photographer.
Arming my batteries now. Too bad my Nikon doesnt come for 3 more days. Oh well. I suppose this will be ol' Kodaks last time to shine.

flat

lately i feel like iv been getting up in the morning just so i can run into a brick wall the entire day.
Nothing i do in my retardadly routine filled days end up accomplishing anything. I do the same frickin thing day in day out.

wake up.
shower.
go to karbeas.
serve customers.
clean the restraunt/reset everything
drive home
sit for max 1/2 hour
drive to the barn playhouse
serve more customers
clear plates
re set
drive home
sleep

seriosly. thats what the last 2 weeks have consisted of. every day. nothing else and nothing ever done out of order. just the same thing every day and im begining to break. something in my brain is just going to go off and im going to snap and go bezerk.
im the kind of person who cannot handle routine to this extent. i need to DO something but i have incredibly no time to do it in.
i feel ill.
only 5 more working days at karbeas and 4 more at the barnplayhouse
i do hope i can last that long

soon i will be the proud owner of....

the nikon d40 with a 18-55 kit lense and the 55-200 VR zoom lense

Aw yeah. steal of a deal i might say. i dont care if no one knows what im talking about. this is FLIPPIN sweet!!!

heres some pictures

the only good that comes from helping your grandma move

seriosly. pure gold
i found this touque that says MILK MILK MILK MILK on it and a warped coke bottle that i filled with gumballs. can life get better? i submit that it CANNOT

mad ramblings.

Whats this? im training another waitress.??....uhm. who said i was quliafied to do such a thing? Im confused because i wasnt even asked to do it. i was just like....left to do it.
me and her were the only ones working and none of my managers were there so i was like...uhm...i guess....IM training you.....weird...... I bet im going to mess her up or something...in the gangsta way of speaking.
Get this. I also convinced my 45 year old co worker to dress up with me on halloween. haha. How did I become this position of influence? Im taking this workplace downhill, kicking and screaming while im at the helm....
Not that im really at the helm at this point. I am still subject to be fired if they so wish. But the odds are on my side because theres only 2 day time waitresses and if they fire me the manager will have to work every day shift EVER haha!
man...i could do anything by this point. maybe thats why everyones cooperating with my crazy demands...like alot of halloween candy for us in a bowl in the back....CRAZY i tell you..

Ok maybe this mad takeover isnt taking off how you all thought and probably expected. but conversative co workers in a mouse suit and candy for me to eat is my idea of a job well done.

strange encounters

Somedays I wonder if im just being a waste of space.
You know those days, where you always seem to be in the way of someone in one way or another. wether its driving, walking or trying to live.

Hmm what else could i blog about other than work? my complete lack of creativity and inpiration that seemed to have left with the leaves perhaps? or maybe about the fact that saskatchewan is horribly ugly right now, what with its complete lack of color and dreary skies.
october stinks, although i did see a very beautiful sunset today, too bad i saw it come and go through the window at work.

Thats how life seems lately. Watching everything come and go while im stuck working. Im serious i think i live at karbeas. If anyone needs to reach me. ill be there. might as well send my mail there while your at it.
2 people have quit recently because my works closing down so they ( like sensible people ) went out to find another steady job. leaving me with ALL the long..long brutal shifts at the restraunt.
But its not all bad. I get to meet some intresting people throughout the days and get to know regulars ( which is something iv always wanted to do )

which reminds me. weird story for the day:
Some man walked in today and he looks at me while im pouring him coffee and he goes
"
hey so i bet its nice working here huh? the tips ok?"
me- yeah well, considering i dont have to drive in very far to go to work
man - oh yah. is that why your not working at the hotel anymore?

uhmm...how the hell did he know i worked THERE, it wasnt even customer service for one, so i didnt see ANYbody and for petes sake i dont even know this man, iv never seen him in my life!!

So i just smiled and said, hey i think i have to do some stuff in the back. sorry ill be back out in a bit
And hid there. i think i have a stalker. haha and SUPRISE how old do you think he is!?...yeah. 60.....its always them....
seriosly. so creepy.

You know it will be a good day when...

you wake up at 6am to a glass shattering by your head and the shards landing on your sheets.


Yeah. I dont know how it happend either, maybe thats good luck? but judging how unwell today went im guessing its not...

ASPARAGUS!!!

they get crappier as they go along but its still kind of cool, silly asians ( his facial expressions and the last instrument is HALARIOUS!!!)
and it adds to the halarity at the fact that he isnt speaking english

Who likes Aussie accents?? ( Also...a plug )

for some moments in life there are no words.

some people have got to realize some of us are just trying to get through the day without breaking something....and I hope they come to terms with the fact that life's too short to be pissed off all the time, its just not worth it. If people spend the majority of their lives grumbling and complaining, dragging their feet, eyes fixed on the ground. Their going to miss it.


But tomorrow can only get better. unless i fall into a pit of spikes.



(post script, never EVER snap at waitresses. or whistle for their attention. For i am not a slave nor your serving wench)

Sometimes we speak to change the world. other times we speak to keep the world from changing us.

I was looking through my notes from DTS when i was camping and i found this scribbled in the middle of my book. Its a peice of a book I was reading at the time and it really inspired me to live my life to the fullest. And live out something Iv always dreamed.
The book...I forget what it was called. Thats not the point.
this is what I had written down


We hang out with kids and help them with their homework in our living room. And jump in open fire hydrants during the hot summer days
We share with folks that need it. Folks drop in all day to say "hi" and have a safe place to cry or get some water or a blanket.
We run a community store out of our house. People come in and fill a grocery bag full of clothes for a dollar. or find a couch, bed, or a fridge. Sometimes people donate beautiful things to share. sometimes people donate used toothbrushes
We reclaim abandon lots and make gardens out of the concrete wreckage around us. we plant flowers in old Tv screens and computer monitors.
We see friends waste away from drug addiction and on a good day. someone is set free.
We see police officers scare people. and on a good day we find an officer who will play wiffle ball with his billy club.
We rehab abandon houses.
We try to make ugly things beautiful and make murals instead of violence.
We learn imagination and sharing. We share life to our neighbors and try to take care of each other.
We hang out on streets. we get fined for distributing. We go to jail for sleeping under the stars. We win in court. We have friends in prison and on death row.
We wrestle to free ourselves from macro charity and distant acts of charity that serve to legitimize apathetic lifestyles of good intentions but rob us of the gift of community
We visit rich people and have them visit us
We preach. we prophesy and we dream together about how to awaken the church from her slumber.
Sometimes we speak change to the world. other times we speak to keep the world from changing us.
Were about simply ending poverty. Not just managing it.
We give people fish, teach them how to fish We tear down walls that have been put up around the fish pond and we figure out who polluted it.
We fight terrorism. The terrorism within each of us. The terrorism of corporate greed.of american consumerism. Of war.
We are not passivist hippies but passionate lovers who abhor passivity and voilence.
We spend our lives activly resisting everything that destroys life. wether that be terrorism or the war on it.
We try to make the world safe. as long as millions live in poverty so few can live as they wish.
We belive in another way of life-The kingdom of God-which stand in opposition to the principalities and powers and rulers of the dark world
( ephesians 6 : 12 )

We are a lazarus generation! rising from the apathetic deadness of the world. A church that is awakening of her silent slumber

An ode to being thankful

Friends. The ones that I can count on to be there and listen. or if need be. cause a random ruckus
Daydreams. That help me get through the day
Dreams. That help me get through the night
Aspirations. That help get me through life.
Seasons. That give me a sign that things will change and also prove theres beauty in the most unexpected places
Dryers. That keep my pants warm
Jobs. That gets me closer to my destination
Planes. That although are horrible. they get me places I dream to be.
Cameras. That help me catch the beauty of Gods creation
Creativity of others. That give me something to strive towards
New friends. That have the same passions as me
Vision. That give me a goal to run towards
New cds - That do not aid me in saving my money, but sound nice to my ears
Pop - That sits nicely in my tummy most of the time
Photos - That take me back to a certain place in time
Music - That does the same
Good company - That lets you forget about everything but that moment your spending with them
Phone calls - That are from friends you may never see again, but youll never forget
Extended family dinners - That are always overcrowded and awkward
Meeting new people - That are intrested in what you do and who you are
Dinosaur toys - That overcrowd my desktop
Mittens and scarves - That arent really needed this time of year but are nice anyways
Dummy strings - That delay the enevitable loss of my mittens

And for all that. I am thankful.









ps. It gets dark ridiculously fast this time of year.