Do you remember what it was like to dream, before you were 17?

In 3 days I start my very first job ever ( Barn playhouse doesn't count ) at the Sears portrait studio....I'm 17.....and I've waited until the end of grade 12 to get a job. I have issues.

But this isn't what I intended on blogging about. PSYCHE!


I feel very....inspired today. Too bad its 10:30 and I cant really do anything about it.
For some reason the rain effected me in a positive way today, it injected creativity into my veins and I picked up my camera for the first time in a while and a wrote a bit.
Maybe because it was the good kind of rain instead of a muggy mist but this refreshing rain stopped just in time for me to go out and catch a beautiful sunset tonight. That was pretty cool.

Its getting closer to my graduation day by the minute and I don't think ill have an abundance of these nights left in me. Im going to be SO busy this summer and after summer Im going to be working/being a youth sponsor again so I wont have as much spare time to just bum around.
I think thats the only part of highschool im going to miss....ever

last thought of the night.
I was cleaning/re-ogranizing my room today and i was looking around and if you ever want to find out what im all about or who I am. Look in there. Theres little peices of me everywhere ( not literally of course )
I like it better cleaned up other than in a mess.
Thats one thing about me my room doesn't reflect though.
Im a mess,... I guess.


Sorry about the lame post guys. I felt like writing something and it came out as ...written diahrea.

Gruff Rhys & Bright Eyes

Oh wow....oh wow....oh wow...

I can die tomorrow and I wouldn't even care. my life has been completed!
Except for a few minor flaws, Tonight was overall perfect.

The whole night was packed with genius is all I can say.

Gruff Rhys amazed/surprised the heck out of me. He was halarious and that guy is the definition of creativity and only a live show will ever do him justice. I almost was peeing myself the whole time and thinking "how the crap is he doing that?" and "why is there a plastic bird on the stage?"

And Bright eyes. Well. Im still in awe they even came here. As I was looking up watching conor do his thing ( with alot of spit flying everywhere but thats ok ) with overflowing intensity. I was like....nope. Cant be happening, they wouldnt come to saskatoon. Why would they come to saskatoon?
But they were....and im glad.
Although they didnt play some of the songs I was hoping for ( aside from first day of my life and lover I dont have to love ) It was pretty good. I like it when bands play old stuff most people arent familiar with.
The whole band played with such intensity it was insane. The lyrics are perfect and I Loved every second of it

quote of the night said by Conor Oberst.

" this song is written about being put somewhere you dont belong.....like flamingos....in the west edmonton mall.........or a pirate ship.....in the west edmonton mall.....or me .....walking around in the west edmonton mall"




I have succeeded in seeing two of my favorite bands in two months....I do declare that I win.

Sometimes....

Sometimes I seriosly question if some people actually have a single working brain cell in their skull.

Quest for a porcupine...day 1

Hahaha...What the heck? So this is the story of our potential porcupine under our deck


One day. I walked outside and looked under the deck...there was big mounds of dirt and a hole. My first thought was. haha...bears stupid(my dog). Because he likes to lie in cool ground so I assumed it was him.

Fast forward a couple days...I find a bunch of porcupine quills in bear. and I think it was just from me and him walking on the railroad tracks when he was rolling around in the ditch. But the last few days we are finding more. Unless hes escaping to the railroad tracks everyday...it must be coming from somewhere close.

So the thought comes to me....wait a minute...porcupines live in holes....So me and brennan went to the backyard tonight to investigate, the hole definatly couldnt have been dug by bear because it goes like...under a lawn mower. But since porcupines are noctournal we figured me must be out and about doing his porcupine thing and he was nowhere to be seen.

Our adventure continues tomorow when hes fast asleep...perhaps.

I think I might be growing attached to him....if hes even there....if we discover him and isnt killed by brennan...I think I might have to name him..

Which makes me think...if there is...what the crap are we supposed to do to keep it from hurting our dog? Minus killing it...because i dont want to.

Im a workin girl now!

Best day ever

Our whole class ( minus adam and mark ) skipped today and went to Rickies all day grill and to the dollarama just to mess around. we came back and watched a movie at thomas's and baked cookies

But I come home expecting to get yelled at because the teachers called everyone and I got in trouble anyways. but instead i come home to call from the police dept. and im like...uhoh. But then I realize its them calling saying I got the job i applied for!!!

I am now offically the assistant summer program coordinator here in town and I start July 4th!

Huzaah!!

Worst...idea....ever

*thinks to self*
Hey! maybe ill go for a walk down the railroad tracks in this +30 weather. That should be fun!


.......it wasnt...im hot...and sticky...and muddy from chasing my dog into a puddle because he wouldnt get out of it.

A challenge from a dreamer

Write down your life list and watch it unfold before your eyes.
Seriosly, Its facinating seeing the dreams you have come true and be accomplished in such a short time.

Never stop dreaming

i'm a creature and these are my THREE hot friends (including the man with his leg up on the water fountain)

So, as the title says. these pictures of my hot friends will summarize the events of my night....kind of.. Not really. but there fun anyways
normally Id post this excellence in my photoblog...but i signed onto this one instead by accident

Anyways..Meet Carrie Sawatzky.
This is not her first time modelling for me ( search through the archives and youll see some pretty nasty pictures of her....I mean....no...no thats what i meant)
She likes rain dances and men with long flowing hair

This is Jess Roberts. This IS in fact the first time she has graced the presence of my camera in an artistic form. A natural? You tell me
Two words to sum her up would be. Piano Pop
she is intrested in hot men from resturants ( specifically chiantis ) and little boys (specifically regan )
If your either one of those. Hit me up for her number. Shes totally single

Here is some of my creations with these two sexys

Oh yes...the REAL star in this picture is the guy in the background. he was the main focus initially hence carries expression.
hot.

I wouldnt call it church. the way these spirits work

Listening to Excuse me while I drink myself to death by spent


I found out the way I deal with tradgedy this weekend.
Alot different than most people I know.
You see, it's 3 days later. And I dont even care. Its over. Were fine. Im praising the Lord for my life.
Im ready to move on but it just confuses me how people clutch onto this situation and dwell on it.
I mean, it impacted me and it affected my way of life. But im not going back to the crash site and be staring at the pictures for hours. Pondering about what COULD have happend

My philosphy is if you focus on the "what if" your going to be a lot worse off than if you focus on the "what did"



Were going to visit the bus driver today after school in the hospital.
They confirmed he had a heart attack. I think it will be interesting, Im looking forward to it.
Me personally have no resentment towards him at all, Even when it happend. I dont think its fair to put something like that on someone when you think of how bad they must feel already.



But moving on since you guys are probably sick and tired of hearing about this.

Its raining again today. Im not as happy as when its sunny out. But its a nice kind of rain today.
I look out the window and everythings green and pretty. I think im going out to take pictures today ( my camera is safe and sound and deisle free! huzzah! ) Today is inspiring



P.S. I got my bright eyes ticket yesterday!!!!!!!!!

And if anyone can think of a company name for a photography thing, Its more so for copyright purposes but anything thats catchy would do.

One heck of a wake-up call

Why are we alive when all signs pointed to that at least half of us should have died in that crash?
My head hurts and i ache. But God is SOOOOOOOOOOO good I cannot stress that enough to you.
If this is not a miracle I dont know what is.
You wanted your proof of an existance of God...well here you have it

Taken from Global Saskatoon

BORDEN, Sask. -- Three people are in hospital after a charter bus carrying 52 passengers slammed into a bridge abutment in central Saskatchewan.

RCMP say the bus left the westbound lane of Highway 16, crossed the ditch and crashed into the Borden Bridge, about 50 kilometres northwest of Saskatoon, but did not roll or flip.

Sgt. Brian Jones says the male bus driver and two passengers were sent to hospital in Saskatoon with undetermined injuries.

The remaining passengers were taken to the firehall in the nearby community of Langham to contact their families and make other travel arrangements.

Emergency crews had to contain some diesel fuel that spilled following the crash.

The name of the bus owner and the vehicle's final destination have not been released.


God is good. God is good.

And im not telling this story to be all " Oh man look what IV been through, im so much better than you "
Im sharing it because this was a moment in my life where im deciding to live my life in a different manor.
No more taking life for granted and saying the cliche " It will never happen to me. it only happens to people I dont know"
Well you are always a stranger to someone else. And anything can happen



Ack. One more time for good measure
God is GOOD

Mr.sun, Whats your problem?

I found myself snapping at people today and all I could do was smile and say
"Oh dont worry about me, I get cranky when it rains"
Note to self: Dont move to the East Coast
Whats my problem? Im a horrible person.

But seriosly, You know those chocolate bars they call "fun size"? To me that's a blatant lie.
My philosophy of fun size is that bigger is better.
You give me a Mars bar that is 10 feet long, 4 feet high and 3 feet wide...THEN we're talking fun.


(why is it that I plan on a blog being short it ends up 3 times longer. Does that happen to anyone else or am I a mutant blogger of some sort)

Well for all of you who are the music savvy type
Look at this picture and tell me how many "bands" you see in it
Ie: Guns and roses...
Hmmm...its a little small....weeeellll...suck it up.

Rant time! ( Updated )

OK when I talk with Jess it always gets me in the mood to be angry at people....well.not angry...just...frustrated.
And thats not a bad thing by the way Jess


Here. I will rant about everyone that makes me mad. Because I can. Ha

1. People who pretend to be something there not.
You know the typical. Punk, Indie music snob, The stereotype of "emo" ( which is a whole other catagory in itself. Not the people. The stereotype ), prep, skater
Just anyone in general where its insanly obvious there putting on a show
" Rawr im punk..F bush because hes a nazi. Even though I know nothing about politics. Im loud so listen to me REBEL AGAINST THE SYSTEM "
" Man I have this band I love but I wont even bother saying the name because you know...youve probably never heard of them because there so underground "
" Im an emo kid, I dont even know what emo means so im going to go write poetry and cry because thats what I think emo means"
" ah HA I have a boyfriend!"
" I carry a skateboard around but dont actually skate...im such a rebel"
Anyone whos identity consists of feeding off of other people they know and not finding something for themselves. That makes me mad as well. I mean get a mind of your own and stop stealing who other people are!

2. People who pretend like they know so much about music
Iv been through this. People who wear those "the doors" and "rolling stones" shirts from bluenotes should be shipped off to an island and left there to die.
honestly my #1 pet peeve
I mean. I think its ok if they listen to the band. But dont pretend. I cannot count how many times iv said to someone
"can you name 3 pink floyd songs" and they replyd " no I just thought the shirt looked cool"

Even more annoying is when people pretend to know what there talking about. You know those people im talking about listing all these bands they like but when you ask whats their favorite song by them they say "oh iv only heard one song"
I love oasis, Wonderwall rocks! is my least favorite phrase Besides like...Whos bob dylan?......... * stabbed*

I mean im not claiming to know all there is about music. Or else I would totally be a hypocrite. Because I really don't.
I mean its an area I have an intrest in and I know some things to the point where I know if people are BSing

3. People who are close minded and niave
This is a second pet peeve of mine
1st of all in the area of music. “ I hate that band”
“have you heard them?”
“Well, no”
*Axed*
And before you start calling me a hypocrite. I have tried listening to country, I listen to it frequently when im with carrie. And iv established I don’t like it. I like a few songs but that’s it

Second in the area of not knowing about something or someone and making an automatic judgement, for example
*sees someone who is a “partier” walking down the street*
“Oh I bet there drunk”
Yes….Because that’s what everyone who drinks is like during the week and all the time on weekends. Walking around by themselves drunk

Or even when people assume what its like at parties. And they make the assumption everyone there drinks so much they all are puking and passing out all over the place., Like I mean, It happens…but not ALL the time. Theres such thing as a party that the cops don’t crash.

Or when people assume someone who parties is mean and obnoxious.
I think some of the nicest people I know are “partiers”

And lastly when people say things like
“their gay, write a letter to your prime minister discussing your rage”
first of all. Thanks for speaking for me and saying that it in fact enrages me. Im glad your making up my mind about the issue.
The fact is, it doesn’t. It doesn’t affect me and the only thing I can do is tolerate it.
Im not saying I agree with it. But I mean. Arent we supposed to “love your neighbour as yourself”
That’s what I thought anyways.

4. People who get everything handed to them on a silver platter ,And still complain!!
I dont think i need to say anything else on this subgect except...
"Daaaaddy im sick of the new sweater you bought me....buy me another one"
"Daaaaddy buy me that car?, Ew its the wrong color take it back"
"I dont have enough clothes" *pout*



Enough said. Im getting a little too worked up. haha

A kiss on your molten eyes

This weekend was good.
Lacking of sleep. But good.

Nothing like a weekend at Kadesh when the sun is shineing, the aqua is blasting and your getting all relaxed and sleepy on the couches outside. it was honestly a prefect day.

I thought Getting up at 5 that morning to watch the sun rise over the lake was totaly worth it as well. ( Dispite the fact I only got an hour of sleep )Sunrises are so much better than sunsets.
For everyone who reads this blog that isnt from saskatchewan ( Which...I doubt there is any ) My sky kills your sky. I promise.
Although I fell asleep on the couch outside and got woken up by the rain and the idea that I missed supper. The day was amazing.


In other news, This evening I dragged myself out of my house ignoring that I was dead tired and went on an adventure with my rollerblades featuring musical guests the shins.
It was a much needed activity. Nothing beats gliding around town while listening to some good tuneskies while the sun is going down. This has become almost a daily ritual for me and its feelin great. So refreshing.

You guys. Go. Leave the house and go rollerblading right now, I know it looks awkward flopping all over the place trying to stay balanced when you run into those stupid gravel bits. But come on, ....they're shoes on wheels. That should be insentive enough.



Oh yah. Heres a picture of me looking like a dink with my new haircut and massive studs if you guys havent seen it yet.
Hurrah!


Edit: pictures taken out because i decided it was gross and it looked alot shorter than it was. for those who seen the picture before. it was up in a ponytail. i swear, haha

The story of the lonliest girl in the world

One night a boy named David came to the bus stop in hopes of catching it in time to make it to his favorite late night screening of memoiores of geshia

Just then his friend Greg approached the bus stop, in a panic david quickly tried to think of an excuse for why he was there.....

There was no need. Greg quickly confessed he was also going and so the two quickly jumped into an argument with each other to see who has seen it more times.
Greg said "lets take this outside. we have at least 15 minutes before the bus comes"

Just as Greg was about to make David eat some pavement they noticed someone approaching the bus stop...Someone...grotesque

Realizing all the seats were taken the girl quietly stood beside david. David was beginning to feel overly awkward with this creepy specimen standing beside him. ( haha aw i actually do look kind of creepy )

So he made a break for it. Hed rather run to his movie then spend another moment in that plastic chamber with that girl

What the heck!?
exclaimed the girl and greg

How you doin' The girl says aloud
Oh no....NO!!! greg is now thinking. She didnt just sit beside me....she couldnt have....
Greg is now staring out the window at david in the distance...hes got an idea....That might just work...

...

Crud.

And the bus never came....

The future freaks me out.

As I have been looking back on some previous posts of mine and I have decided

Im too concernd with the future....seriously, theres no way im going to change things in the future if I dont start fixing things in the here and now

I cant do great things without a starting point, Im thinking these things just spring up out of the blue and everything is magically going to mend and work itself out if I just let it do its thing. Life doesnt work like that....Nothing works like that. Who am I kidding? Things wont magically unfold before my very eyes. Thats stupid that I have to tell myself that. Honestly. Does anything ever work out that way?

I live my life for the next hour. The next Month, The next year.
Why. Whats the point in that? I should just live my life where it is right now in the present.
Eventually the future isnt going to be the future anymore and whats left to live for?
Sounds like the most logical/ (ill admit) cliche thing to do, Aside from the fact of it being super cliche..Why dont I do it?

Maybe im sick of having to deal with things I thought were fixed and Id never have to deal with again.
Maybe I dont HAVE the words of comfort or reason for anyone right now.
Maybe I cant make a diffrence here


Or maybe im just too selfish.
Man who am I kidding...scratch that maybe.
That needs to change before anything else.

Metric + Blake Sennet = Hooray!

So the day that I thought was going to be the most incredible day of my life....was....but only turned out only to be incredible in the evening.

I woke up and I felt like a 2 meter high pile of crap. I was throwing up ( Which I haven't done in like 4 years ) And im curled up on my couch wrapped in a blanket shaking while im thinking "....must.....go.....to metric....tonight "

It took almost the whole day to shake off my sickness ( or at least convince myself that I shook it off ) and 7:45 rolled around!
I was feeling better and ready to have a fun night with brooke starting off by going to earls for cheesecake.

Im all pumped I get in the car and start for the city looking at very wrong directions to this restraunt iv never been to.
I think all is fine and dandy until I realize im horribly lost ( haha your probably suprised THAT happend )
I look at the clock and im at least 15 minutes late to I park and call my parents to ask for directions. After about another 5 - 10 minutes I finally find earls but I have to park 3 blocks down because Its packed.
I come running up to the door and found out Brooke has been there since 8 because she thought I said 8 instead of 8:30, We dont know if he have enough time now so we ask if we can cancel our spot to go somewhere else but they squeeze us in anyways.
By this time im calmed down and having a good time when Brooke brings up that she almost forgot her ticket. Right then time stood still and like a million thoughts crashed into my head at once " CRAP!!!!!!!! I FORGOT MY TICKET!!!!"
Panic strikes....45 minutes to the show...and no ticket.
So we tell the waitress thanks for squeezing us in....but we have to go.. the freakin idiot forgot her freakin ticket.
By this time im feeling so horrible I just want to die. So I call my parents ( who are also in the city ) to inform them of my retarded situation and my mom offers to go get it for us.
Great, But we cant go back into earls. We just left. So what do we do? Go to dairy queen! its not cheesecake but hey.

I finally got my ticket ( after slamming my head in the car door ) and we rush off to the concert , the first band is already playing but thats ok they arent really that great.
Its packed and no one has a sense of personal space as with every other concert.
This is where my day starts to turn around

We find out the elected is opening and I didnt realize that the elected contains the one and only Blake Sennate from Rilo Kiley ( with a nasty pimp stash ). Im now giddy as a 12 year old girl seeing Nsync.
They were amazing and Blake reminds me of Jack white and Connor Oberst at the same time for some reason.

After the show he stood by my for a minute and I had an overwhelming urge to hug him and scream but I figured I wouldnt because you know...that MIGHT be creepy.

Then Metric comes on....Oh wow. I think my mouth was open the entire time. Emily Haines is my hero, shes so cool....I could say a million things about the concert but this has been long enough so Im going to end off by some pictures of my heros that actually turned out decent for how far back we were. And by saying if your ever at a concert and someone is very close behind you to the point touching you half the time…Please….PLEASE don’t shake your butt the whole time..Its REALLY awkward.

Control

I dont want to wake up tomorow so dont even try
Leave me to dream and walk on by
Im not up for the challenge of living today

Iv fallen victim to another stereotype this week.
If you think you know who I am. you dont. I! dont even know who I am





Highschool is flying by so fast lately.
You would think I would be excited but it just leaves more uncertainty and stress exposed as the days are slowly decreasing before everyone ( including myself ) expects me to have my life all together.

Everything that I thought was going to fall nicely in place is falling everywhere but where its supposed to.
Why cant one thing in my life go without uncertainty or somewhat along the lines of what I expect

But I guess its not about what I expect. Its about what God has planned
And thats harder for me to accept than you might think.
I like to be in control of things, and just to show me. Hes taken that comfortable steering wheel with the super sporty cover and the breaks have been cut.

Sometimes I wish the Lord didnt work in mysterious ways. But that wouldnt be any fun.
I couldnt imagine not being able to go hurdling down a hill at a very high speed without steering or breaks.

Its exhilerating but at the same time you just want it all to stop before you launch off the cliff and smash into the canyon at the bottom.

*Girlish scream*

So I walk in to my house today and my dad runs to the top of the stairs and goes
"EEEE!! Oh man oh man oh man!, I just found out the greatest thing on earth!!!"
*Prances around waving hands while his elbows are planted on his side*

Then he shows me this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Roj6U79xuh4&search=the%20Simpsons%20Movie%20Trailer%20film%20homer%20superman
Edit: Crud....the link doesnt work. Well its a Simpsons Movie



All I have to say is. I have mixed emotions, Because the rate that theyre going with new episodes I think we are all going to be very dissapointed.
Why couldnt this have been done during like...season 4-6?
Who knows.

Dont live your life like a movie

Go downtown, catch the early movie
The shows are cheaper, they don't mind if you put your feet up
She's out on the highway
She's got a homemade sign it says
"Go ahead, try to figure out what my future looks like"

I don't want to live my life like a story
always thinkin I could've been something
Don't run alongside and control me
Just film away and let me be
At ease, I, I feel fine
I'll move on, I'll go on

There's something so divided
Don't worry about me I'll be fine
Don't live your life for me or for anyone
You live your life as if you're one
You live your life as if you're one
Find quiet, it's awful quiet

How can you be mad, we've just got started
I want to shave my head and lie in bed all day long
How can you be mad, we've just got started
Live your life as if you're one
Live your life as if you're one
At ease, I, I feel fine
I'll go on, I'll move on

Don't live your life like a movie
Always thinkin you could've been something
Don't live your life for me or for anyone
You live your life as if you're one
You live your life as if you're one
Find quiet, it's awful quiet
Find quiet

My life is so cool

Whoever is telling people im not a good employee....stop it! haha...But seriosly....I really need a job ....stop it

Well I went in today to drop off some more resumes. Here is my status with the job hunt

Hmv ( 2 ) - don't even know why I bothered trying. You basically need to look the part or know someone.
But they kept my resume "on file" I think that is code for "in the garbage".
CD plus - See above
Music World - See above the above
Scotts Parables- Hired someone in the position I wanted a day before I came in. Lets see. how many times has THIS situation came my way? Oh right...its the story of my life.
Broadway Roastary - SAID they were firing someone in the next few days and they would give me a call. They didn't...cool
Old folks home - Also came in a day too late
AG foods - A billion people applied but they hired Brittany instead. Kevin said they were looking for more full time....shoot, that one was close.
Smart Set - I don't even know what happened
Travelodge- Gave my application today. Although it doesnt look too promising
Pet Land- The most promising of them all. Although Im not getting my hopes up but they did say they were hiring and to call them in a couple days.


I know what your all going to say " baaaaaah Steph your too picky" And yes. Yes I am. I will agree with you fully.
I refuse to work at a fast food restaurant or at Tim Hortons during the dreaded roll up the rim to win season Because people are SOOO anal about bloody paper cups.
But if all my other options run out... I will apply there. I promise I will.
but im not going to go anxiously running to settle for a job when theres better potential jobs out there for me.
So if I dont find a decent job soon. Ill settle ok? I give in. You win.


Anyways. I need a job....Anyone know of anything out there?