Go after him. Dont just sit there and wait for him to call
go after him because thats what you should do if you love someone
Dont wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come.
There are people i might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me at 4 in the morning because they need to tell me right now
and i always thought id be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a crap to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest
and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you cant just sit there and do nothing and breath into telephones.
its not everyones idea of love but its the way i can recognize it because that is what i do
go scream it and be with him in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is , that is raw and that is unguarded and what is all that is worth anything, really
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Literally. the best blog you will ever read
it·er·al·ly adv. - In a literal manner; word for word.
Im sure many of you have heard many rants by me on this subject. rightfully so. because it is one of my ( many ) biggest pet peeves.
but I have noticed alot more lately, people using the word literally, way out of context and saying things like
Post script: Anyone that has spoken with me in person knows that I am guilty for using ALOT words out of context, so if we are announcing a nationwide 'free for all' on the English language, maybe I would be able to speak more freely in person without fearing regret or embarrassment for my lack of speaking abilities. If that is the case, I will literally fly up into the air, spin three times, and ironically fall to my impending doom
Im sure many of you have heard many rants by me on this subject. rightfully so. because it is one of my ( many ) biggest pet peeves.
but I have noticed alot more lately, people using the word literally, way out of context and saying things like
“I’m so hungry, I could literally eat a horse.”
When you use the word literally, you are stating that you mean exactly what you are saying with no exaggeration, or metaphor . It means that until you have eaten an ENTIRE horse, you will not be full.
Literally is commonly MISused to emphasize or qualify what your saying is true
So if your saying "it was literally the worst movie iv ever seen" and you actually mean it. just say it and mean it. Don’t qualify it. If you’re a person of your word, which we all should be, we will all believe it when you say it.
I am one to pick on phrases and words, but I will rarely suggest that one is thrown out. But dare i say. I think this is a word we could do without.
Throw out literally. No one will miss it.
So go ahead. in your day to day walk. you will be suprised at how often people ( without thinking usually ) misuse this word. its often halarious. but mostly annoying
Me and a friend were going to illustrate a book called
" Literally. the best book you have ever read"
and draw what people were LITERALLY saying ( phrases we have overheard personally )
We already have collected quite the hefty list of offenders.
some of my favorite being.
" We are going to literally turn this city upsidown! " ( that would take ALOT of work and ALOT of people will probably be angry )
" He was literally living out of his suitcase" ( small man? or obscenely large suitcase? )
" Their jaws literally dropped" ( ew )
"When we got off the plane. there were literally a sea of people " ( really? when you got off the plane there was no other option of mobilization but to swim through the twisted and mangled crowd before you? or did you need a canoe!?)
Post script: Anyone that has spoken with me in person knows that I am guilty for using ALOT words out of context, so if we are announcing a nationwide 'free for all' on the English language, maybe I would be able to speak more freely in person without fearing regret or embarrassment for my lack of speaking abilities. If that is the case, I will literally fly up into the air, spin three times, and ironically fall to my impending doom
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Written by my friend mitch. but profound none the less
As the title suggests. this was written by my good friend mitch. so all credit goes to him. but it was something that challenged me big time. and i thought i would share it with you guys
So. This morning, as I was eating my cereal, I was reading about Noah (Genesis 6,7 & 8) and what a fun little story it is! Perhaps it seems like a story that everyone knows, sunday school, and I guess it is. Thing I love is how God works through the bible in new ways all the time! No matter how many times you've read a particular passage or heard a certain story there is more that God can and will show you through it.
Anyway, I'm reading away, somewhere about Verse 15 in Chapter 8 where it says something to the effect of 'Release all of the animals so they can be fruitful and multiply, filling the earth'. Thing is there were only two of each animal to do the fruitful multiplication gig. I don't know about you, but I'm cautious kind of guy, I like to have a few fail safes in place when I'm planning something. If this had of been me and God said, take two of each animal to repopulate the earth, I would have been skeptical of the tactic to say the least. I probably would have argued with God, and maybe would have tried to sneak a few more of the cuter critters onto the Ark as well and disguise them as furniture or kids toys. TWO ANIMALS. What happens if one of the animals gets sick (everything would have been mighty damp, lots of room for infection!) or hurt (I've seen a brand new $50,000+ stud bull be rendered useless to everyone but McDonalds by the careless stepping of one of his girlfriends) or lost or or what if they got off the boat and the two anteaters simply decided that they didn't like each that much after all, decided to split up all their possessions half and half and went their serperate ways? I'm not going to be joining Greenpeace anytime soon but I do like animals, you'd think Noah would have been allowed to take some extra cattle on board just to ensure that a good steak could be had in generations to come or a couple more pigs so that his great great grandkids could know the rapture of a bacon and eggs brunch. But no. God was specific, and surprise surprise true to his word. He looked after the animals. They were fruitful. They multiplied. We still have anteaters, we still have cows, we still have bacon. Praise God.
I don't know if Noah had any of these doubts going in, maybe he did, maybe he was too distracted by the other major issues of Ark building, snooty neighbours and impending global distruction, maybe he was a man of quiet faith. It leaves me with a question though, when God's speaks into my life. How much faith do I have?
So. This morning, as I was eating my cereal, I was reading about Noah (Genesis 6,7 & 8) and what a fun little story it is! Perhaps it seems like a story that everyone knows, sunday school, and I guess it is. Thing I love is how God works through the bible in new ways all the time! No matter how many times you've read a particular passage or heard a certain story there is more that God can and will show you through it.
Anyway, I'm reading away, somewhere about Verse 15 in Chapter 8 where it says something to the effect of 'Release all of the animals so they can be fruitful and multiply, filling the earth'. Thing is there were only two of each animal to do the fruitful multiplication gig. I don't know about you, but I'm cautious kind of guy, I like to have a few fail safes in place when I'm planning something. If this had of been me and God said, take two of each animal to repopulate the earth, I would have been skeptical of the tactic to say the least. I probably would have argued with God, and maybe would have tried to sneak a few more of the cuter critters onto the Ark as well and disguise them as furniture or kids toys. TWO ANIMALS. What happens if one of the animals gets sick (everything would have been mighty damp, lots of room for infection!) or hurt (I've seen a brand new $50,000+ stud bull be rendered useless to everyone but McDonalds by the careless stepping of one of his girlfriends) or lost or or what if they got off the boat and the two anteaters simply decided that they didn't like each that much after all, decided to split up all their possessions half and half and went their serperate ways? I'm not going to be joining Greenpeace anytime soon but I do like animals, you'd think Noah would have been allowed to take some extra cattle on board just to ensure that a good steak could be had in generations to come or a couple more pigs so that his great great grandkids could know the rapture of a bacon and eggs brunch. But no. God was specific, and surprise surprise true to his word. He looked after the animals. They were fruitful. They multiplied. We still have anteaters, we still have cows, we still have bacon. Praise God.
I don't know if Noah had any of these doubts going in, maybe he did, maybe he was too distracted by the other major issues of Ark building, snooty neighbours and impending global distruction, maybe he was a man of quiet faith. It leaves me with a question though, when God's speaks into my life. How much faith do I have?
Desperation
Desperation......This topic really has seemed to come up alot lately. at Youthstreet, Church, Staff Meeting and now my quiet time. So this gave me a desire to outwardly prossess all thats been going on in my head.
The main point I was challenged with is, are we REALLY desperate for Jesus, are we so Desperate for a relationship with God that everything but spending time with him seems dull and mundane and you cant even fathom choosing something else over a good, quality hang out time with Jesus.
Now. what does being desperate really mean? Its easy to say it and not know its full intended meaning. We often ask Jesus to make us desperate to seek him. but do we truly know what we are asking ?
So naturally...I was intrigued and I looked up the definition of desperation and what i found was this .....Recklessness arising from despair
Now, I started to think of what desperation could mean, in a tangible way, and I thought out a scenario in which recklessness WOULD arise from a situation of despair
Now... Imagine for a second that your drowning...
Tell me.... Is your first instinct to go and watch TV? Hang out with friends? Sleep? ( although, techincally thats what you would end up doing if that was your first instinct )
NO!, its to get AIR, and nothing else matters in that moment except to get that oxygen in order to survive. Everything that is rational, safe, and sane escapes you and your left clawing your way to the surface by any means nessasary! No matter what! thats what your body is programmed to do in such a situation. a situation of dire despair, your body is called to survival mode. Its programmed to give you that DESPERATION to fight for your life.
What also comes to mind is that Lady in the Bible who was hemmoraging for a ridiculous amount of years or something. She had no other options left. She tried everything and she was in a desperate state. So she did what she HAD to do. She PUSHED through the crowd of people , into the centre of a mob probably getting no less than stomped on and yelled at. But no matter the consequence. Her mind wasn't fixed on what people would think, or what would happen as a result of that action. The only thing she was fixed on, is the only thing she had left, and that was touching Jesus.
Desperation is like having tunnel vision. To zero on your subject. your healer, Your breath of air, and fight for it with an intensity like your life depends on it.
I love you, I respect you, and im sure your a very very nice person but GET OUT OF MY WAY because i have GOT to touch Jesus!!
So last night I prayed a very dangerous prayer. One that I understand a bit more then when i started ( but far from understanding it fully )
" Jesus. Make me desperate for you "
The main point I was challenged with is, are we REALLY desperate for Jesus, are we so Desperate for a relationship with God that everything but spending time with him seems dull and mundane and you cant even fathom choosing something else over a good, quality hang out time with Jesus.
Now. what does being desperate really mean? Its easy to say it and not know its full intended meaning. We often ask Jesus to make us desperate to seek him. but do we truly know what we are asking ?
So naturally...I was intrigued and I looked up the definition of desperation and what i found was this .....Recklessness arising from despair
Now, I started to think of what desperation could mean, in a tangible way, and I thought out a scenario in which recklessness WOULD arise from a situation of despair
Now... Imagine for a second that your drowning...
Tell me.... Is your first instinct to go and watch TV? Hang out with friends? Sleep? ( although, techincally thats what you would end up doing if that was your first instinct )
NO!, its to get AIR, and nothing else matters in that moment except to get that oxygen in order to survive. Everything that is rational, safe, and sane escapes you and your left clawing your way to the surface by any means nessasary! No matter what! thats what your body is programmed to do in such a situation. a situation of dire despair, your body is called to survival mode. Its programmed to give you that DESPERATION to fight for your life.
What also comes to mind is that Lady in the Bible who was hemmoraging for a ridiculous amount of years or something. She had no other options left. She tried everything and she was in a desperate state. So she did what she HAD to do. She PUSHED through the crowd of people , into the centre of a mob probably getting no less than stomped on and yelled at. But no matter the consequence. Her mind wasn't fixed on what people would think, or what would happen as a result of that action. The only thing she was fixed on, is the only thing she had left, and that was touching Jesus.
Desperation is like having tunnel vision. To zero on your subject. your healer, Your breath of air, and fight for it with an intensity like your life depends on it.
I love you, I respect you, and im sure your a very very nice person but GET OUT OF MY WAY because i have GOT to touch Jesus!!
So last night I prayed a very dangerous prayer. One that I understand a bit more then when i started ( but far from understanding it fully )
" Jesus. Make me desperate for you "
ripping off teri ( or being inspired by....whichever)
Lately iv heard the phrase
"what are you planning on doing with your life?"
thrown around alot. and especially being in YWAM. i get this question alot more than most (being a non profit organization, i dont get paid, so surely i cant live like this forever right?......right???)
Well iv been thinking alot about what it means to " do something with your life" and ive come to a short list of things i can answer with. maybe not the answer they want. but a response i am happy with none the less
so what do i want to spend my life doing?
I want to spend my life actively resisting everything that destroys life. I want to love people unconditionally, I want to understand people and their motives, I want to watch people discover themselves in ways they never thought possible. I dont want to see people close to me ( or even those not so close ) waste away from drug addiction, instead i want to work towards seeing someone set free. I want to give "troubled youth" a 2nd chance. Heck, I want to give them a 3rd 4th 5th 6th 59th chance. I want to love the unloved. i want to share my stuff with people who need it more than I do. I want to make people understand they are valued and worth something.
I want to take more photos and use it as a tool to show Gods faithfulness and beauty. I want to take more photos of people and tell the amazing stories of the people i meet. I want to create beautiful things out of something ugly
I want to go for walks to appreciate Gods creation, I want to dream.
But most of all, I want to love God with all of my being. ( good call on the last line teri haha )
It really depends on what your view of life is, as to what you want to do with it...
( ps. , again. thanks for inspiring this post Teri )
"what are you planning on doing with your life?"
thrown around alot. and especially being in YWAM. i get this question alot more than most (being a non profit organization, i dont get paid, so surely i cant live like this forever right?......right???)
Well iv been thinking alot about what it means to " do something with your life" and ive come to a short list of things i can answer with. maybe not the answer they want. but a response i am happy with none the less
so what do i want to spend my life doing?
I want to spend my life actively resisting everything that destroys life. I want to love people unconditionally, I want to understand people and their motives, I want to watch people discover themselves in ways they never thought possible. I dont want to see people close to me ( or even those not so close ) waste away from drug addiction, instead i want to work towards seeing someone set free. I want to give "troubled youth" a 2nd chance. Heck, I want to give them a 3rd 4th 5th 6th 59th chance. I want to love the unloved. i want to share my stuff with people who need it more than I do. I want to make people understand they are valued and worth something.
I want to take more photos and use it as a tool to show Gods faithfulness and beauty. I want to take more photos of people and tell the amazing stories of the people i meet. I want to create beautiful things out of something ugly
I want to go for walks to appreciate Gods creation, I want to dream.
But most of all, I want to love God with all of my being. ( good call on the last line teri haha )
It really depends on what your view of life is, as to what you want to do with it...
( ps. , again. thanks for inspiring this post Teri )
Im having a hard time remembering the things i should remember. and forgetting the things i should forget.
If anyone knows me. they know that im an outward processor. so this is just a outward vomit of everything thats been in my brain the last week.
The topic of choice lately with some of my friends lately has definatly been the inevitable subject of dating * dun dun DUN * ( in fact my mom even asked me today if i was bringing a date to my cousins wedding, i mean really. thats a pretty big commitment haha....bringing someone they havent met to scary family functions across the world? no thanks. )
....and you know.....Im kind of over getting all excited about it anymore. I go about my life and I am surrounded by attractive (and not so attractive) males and I only know a few deep level, I mean some i would even consider some of my very best friends...but it never goes past that. and there's no reason to drool over guys that aren't into me or share my beliefs
Anyways, i'm just so sick of thinking about it all the time. Every time i meet a guy i think: "Could he be the one?" And of course he's not. He's not interested. He's attractive, he's nice, but he's not him.
And part of the problem with this is the way i've always veiwed things... and I've always been honest when the subject comes up: i'm waiting for a guy to pursue me.
People act like i'm crazy when i admit that (that i want the guy to make the first move). They act like, "How can you honestly expect a guy to have the guts to make the first move?!?"
So after a certain stage. I got sick of waiting. and started to question if i had some sort of horrible deformity growing out of my face i was unaware of , asked everyone i knew about it and the only response they ever gave was that "you'll find him when you stop looking for him"
(who in the world is "they" anyway? it drives me wild how they always feel that they're an authority about my life)
anyways.... they say you'll find him. So i gave up on guys. I didn't find one (i thought i might have, but we never got past the crush stage: he didn't want to be friends even, apparently....).
I slowly started looking again as i got more and more lonely, more and more desperate. I still haven't found him and now i'm a whiney damsel in distress. I don't want that. --i mean. not that want my husband to replace God in my life, but i just don't feel complete being single, either.
Now i know that a lot of people are saying to themselves right now: "You don't need or want a guy, you don't know how lucky you are," blah blah " your travelling the world and doing stuff. focus on that" blah blah
But Frankly i don't want to see the world alone. Sure, i want to go on the Amazing Race but have no one to do it with. I want to travel around the world, but not alone. ... i just want to at least find a guy to give me my first kiss.
Now im not saying I want to find some random guy and date him ( because God knows i would have done that long long long ago if i were that desprate ), but i'm tired of crushes not getting past eye tag and long conversations where we click but nothing happens.
I know i'm weak, i know i should have more patience, because yeah. I am only 20. But with all the dating mumbo jumbo going on around me. every corner I turn makes me want to be in that position...just once.
But the more i think about it.....on the flipside and realisticly ( dont worry guys this is the redemption bit you were hoping for im sure )
i find it funny now that i used to love to use that one verse in (Genesis 2:18-24) to claim my right to want somebody in my life.
When God created Adam and all the animals He saw that Adam was alone and lonely, that there was no companion suitable for him, and so He made one And so if God did that for Adam and Eve i believe that i am designed to perfect one man's life just as he is designed to perfect mine. God made us for each other.
So basically its saying.....adam had complete intimacy with God, yet he still was lonely, or alone, whichever one. its true, we are wired to connect with people.
but here's one thing that i overlook and maybe other people do in the process of trying justify wanting something. My friend told me that he read from a donald miller book, "searching for God knows what". when you read the genesis account, the text says that adam is lonely and there was no suitable helper for him. but notice what comes next. BEFORE adam gets his beautiful wife,
what happens. he names all the animals. now when i read that, it takes me only 5 seconds and so i move on to the next part. but think about that task for a moment. he names all the animals. one by one. now i'm not sure how long it would take. but i imagine a lot more than 5 seconds. somehow i imagine it happening instantly. but it could have taken days, months... who knows? and then after he's done naming them, God gives him what he is looking for, what he couldn't find in all of God's existing creation.
i guess that's where trust comes in.
So....im 20 and still waiting for that first kiss. you can probably say that i've never really had a real boyfriend. crushes, yeah. special friends...yeah. But its worth the wait when you put it into perspective....at least when you think about it long and hard for weeks on end.....
The topic of choice lately with some of my friends lately has definatly been the inevitable subject of dating * dun dun DUN * ( in fact my mom even asked me today if i was bringing a date to my cousins wedding, i mean really. thats a pretty big commitment haha....bringing someone they havent met to scary family functions across the world? no thanks. )
....and you know.....Im kind of over getting all excited about it anymore. I go about my life and I am surrounded by attractive (and not so attractive) males and I only know a few deep level, I mean some i would even consider some of my very best friends...but it never goes past that. and there's no reason to drool over guys that aren't into me or share my beliefs
Anyways, i'm just so sick of thinking about it all the time. Every time i meet a guy i think: "Could he be the one?" And of course he's not. He's not interested. He's attractive, he's nice, but he's not him.
And part of the problem with this is the way i've always veiwed things... and I've always been honest when the subject comes up: i'm waiting for a guy to pursue me.
People act like i'm crazy when i admit that (that i want the guy to make the first move). They act like, "How can you honestly expect a guy to have the guts to make the first move?!?"
So after a certain stage. I got sick of waiting. and started to question if i had some sort of horrible deformity growing out of my face i was unaware of , asked everyone i knew about it and the only response they ever gave was that "you'll find him when you stop looking for him"
(who in the world is "they" anyway? it drives me wild how they always feel that they're an authority about my life)
anyways.... they say you'll find him. So i gave up on guys. I didn't find one (i thought i might have, but we never got past the crush stage: he didn't want to be friends even, apparently....).
I slowly started looking again as i got more and more lonely, more and more desperate. I still haven't found him and now i'm a whiney damsel in distress. I don't want that. --i mean. not that want my husband to replace God in my life, but i just don't feel complete being single, either.
Now i know that a lot of people are saying to themselves right now: "You don't need or want a guy, you don't know how lucky you are," blah blah " your travelling the world and doing stuff. focus on that" blah blah
But Frankly i don't want to see the world alone. Sure, i want to go on the Amazing Race but have no one to do it with. I want to travel around the world, but not alone. ... i just want to at least find a guy to give me my first kiss.
Now im not saying I want to find some random guy and date him ( because God knows i would have done that long long long ago if i were that desprate ), but i'm tired of crushes not getting past eye tag and long conversations where we click but nothing happens.
I know i'm weak, i know i should have more patience, because yeah. I am only 20. But with all the dating mumbo jumbo going on around me. every corner I turn makes me want to be in that position...just once.
But the more i think about it.....on the flipside and realisticly ( dont worry guys this is the redemption bit you were hoping for im sure )
i find it funny now that i used to love to use that one verse in (Genesis 2:18-24) to claim my right to want somebody in my life.
When God created Adam and all the animals He saw that Adam was alone and lonely, that there was no companion suitable for him, and so He made one And so if God did that for Adam and Eve i believe that i am designed to perfect one man's life just as he is designed to perfect mine. God made us for each other.
So basically its saying.....adam had complete intimacy with God, yet he still was lonely, or alone, whichever one. its true, we are wired to connect with people.
but here's one thing that i overlook and maybe other people do in the process of trying justify wanting something. My friend told me that he read from a donald miller book, "searching for God knows what". when you read the genesis account, the text says that adam is lonely and there was no suitable helper for him. but notice what comes next. BEFORE adam gets his beautiful wife,
what happens. he names all the animals. now when i read that, it takes me only 5 seconds and so i move on to the next part. but think about that task for a moment. he names all the animals. one by one. now i'm not sure how long it would take. but i imagine a lot more than 5 seconds. somehow i imagine it happening instantly. but it could have taken days, months... who knows? and then after he's done naming them, God gives him what he is looking for, what he couldn't find in all of God's existing creation.
i guess that's where trust comes in.
So....im 20 and still waiting for that first kiss. you can probably say that i've never really had a real boyfriend. crushes, yeah. special friends...yeah. But its worth the wait when you put it into perspective....at least when you think about it long and hard for weeks on end.....
Friday, May 08, 2009
Deeper Camp
"Deeper" was awesome! 12 Youth Street teens (and 4 non-stop staff) spent 8 days at a Christian music festival and then a wilderness survival camp with the sole intent of developing these kids relationships with God. The festival was fun with the highlight being able to see Audio Adrenaline play a reunion show which also proved to be their last ever...but the epic time of the camp was definitely the survivor camp. I was expecting things like rope courses and maybe some canoeing with other outdoor adventure type of things....I was wrong. First our bags got stripped of everything but the bare essentials. No pillow, no deodorant, no toothpaste, no soap, no etc. We were supposed to be out for 4 days but we could only bring 3 shorts/pants and 3 shirts. So up at 4;30am on the first day, we hiked in the pouring rain for about an hour until we were a long way away from anything....and then it began. They gave us a milk crate full of non-perishable food (that of course had no labels) with sardines being the best surprise of all. That food had to last us the entire time we were there. We had to ration. For our shelter, they gave us 2 tarps and 3 pieces of small rope. They said they would provide one dinner for us...so on that first night they brought us our dinner. Chicken. The only thing was....they were still alive. You better believe we ate chicken that night though...
Throughout the course we had different leadership challenges with each person having the chance to lead a small group for an extended period of time. They presented different obstacles that we had to overcome, different competitive games, a 12 kilometer hike with challenges along the way...all in all a very challenging time for the teens (and possibly the staff as well!) but a time that saw enormous amounts of growth as well. Life lessons as well as God lessons were implemented throughout each activity/challenge and we saw the kids grow a lot in character as well as spiritually. One of the teens was a Christian but didn't know how to listen to God...and left hearing God's voice on a daily basis. He didn't know any of the books of the Bible but he felt several times like God was laying verses on his heart so he would get out his Bible and look until he found them. We also had another girl give her life to God for the first time. Really cool.
So yes, Deeper was intense for sure but it ended up being so good. Incredibly tough at times...but God really showed up and some amazing things happened in these kids lives that will last much longer than the 8 days we were gone. Thank you for all your prayers!
Throughout the course we had different leadership challenges with each person having the chance to lead a small group for an extended period of time. They presented different obstacles that we had to overcome, different competitive games, a 12 kilometer hike with challenges along the way...all in all a very challenging time for the teens (and possibly the staff as well!) but a time that saw enormous amounts of growth as well. Life lessons as well as God lessons were implemented throughout each activity/challenge and we saw the kids grow a lot in character as well as spiritually. One of the teens was a Christian but didn't know how to listen to God...and left hearing God's voice on a daily basis. He didn't know any of the books of the Bible but he felt several times like God was laying verses on his heart so he would get out his Bible and look until he found them. We also had another girl give her life to God for the first time. Really cool.
So yes, Deeper was intense for sure but it ended up being so good. Incredibly tough at times...but God really showed up and some amazing things happened in these kids lives that will last much longer than the 8 days we were gone. Thank you for all your prayers!
Friday, January 02, 2009
2009 truths
First day of 2009!
1. real name – Stephanie Cheryl Anderson
2. like it – its alright, could be more origonal
3. single or taken – single
4. zodiac sign – dont really care. but saggatarius
5. male or female - female
6. elementary – pararie view Elementary School
7. middle – Dalmeny High School
8. high – Dalmeny High School
9. college – n/a
10. hair color – brown
11. eye color -- brown
12. hair length – ~3 inches past shoulders
13. current worry – that i might not get a plane ticket home
14. race – caucasian
15. are you a health freak – not really, but i do enjoy being healthy cuz it feels good, but im usually not
16. height – 5' 2
17. do you have a crush on someone – lol i love that word. and avoiding that question.
18. do you like yourself – sure i'm alright
19. piercings – 5 that are still able to be used
20. tattoos – none
21. righty or lefty – righty
FIRSTS-
22. first surgery – never had
23. first piercings – ears
24. first best friend – Katie Gardner probably
25. first award - lol! 100% attendance
26. first sport – gymnastics or soccer
28. first vacation – other than the lake. BC or florida
29. first teacher - mrs stonehouse
30. first crush – lol either bryan friesen or matt ginther
THIS OR THAT-
31. orange or apple juice – apple
32. rock or rap – rock
34. nsync or backsteet boys – backstreet boys
35. britney spears or christina aguilera – britney
37. sun or moon – moon
38. tv or internet – internet
39. playstation or xbox –dont care
40. kiss or hug – *shrug* hugs
41. iguana or turtle – that ones hard....id say iguana
42. spider or bee – bee
43. fall or spring – fall time a million
44. Limewire or iTunes – itunes
46. soccer or baseball – soccer
CURRENTLY
50. drinking – well...the last i had was water
51. im about to – go eat dinner then watch the dark knight with mitch and shawn
53. singing – i was singing the canadian anthem earlier
54. typing – on this space
FUTURE-
55. want kids – not on purpous....hahahaha
56. when – not for a long time
57. want to get married – very much so
59. where do you want to live – in australia or switzerland
60. how many kids do you want – none if i can help it
62. what did you want to be when you were little – a marine biologist
63. what do you think you'll really be doing – not a clue, something to do with graphic design or photography
64. mellow future or wild – both at their own times
65. Something you would never try – cocaine or meth or anything stupid like that
67. when do you wanna die – i dont really want to get old but all in all its not really up to me ( well it is to an extent...but ya )
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE SEX YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO
68. lips or eyes – eyes
69. hugging or kissing – both
70. shorter or taller – haha. taller definatly. that would be weird
71. tan skinned or light – whatever
72. romantic or spontaneous – both, but not scary spontaneous
73. dark or light hair – dont care
74. muscular or normal – not like..all musculy bulky kind of thing. but a sporty figure
75. hook-up or relationship – relationship
76. similar to you or different – lots of common ground, but some differences are nice
HAVE YOU EVER-
78. kissed a stranger – no
79. drank bubbles – yes i guess? champagne or like...soap bubbles....either way yes
80. broken a bone – yes
81. climbed up a tree – yes
82. broken someones heart - i'm not sure
83. turned someone down – yes
84. had your heart broken – yes
85. liked a friend as more than a friend – yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN-
86. yourself – yes most of the time
87. miracles – yes
88. love at first sight – maybe lust at first sight
89. santa claus – no
90. kissing on first date – definately depends, if youve known the guy forever then sure but if you just met i wouldnt
91. angels – yes
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY-
92. is there people you want to be with right now – yes
93. who is it – nobody knows him im sure
94. like someone – yes, isnt that the same question as 92?
LASTS-
95. text message - mitch
96. received call – cory
97. call made – dale
98. facebook message – my mom
99. missed call – aaron
100. last hungout with? mitch at his flat watching the simpsons
1. real name – Stephanie Cheryl Anderson
2. like it – its alright, could be more origonal
3. single or taken – single
4. zodiac sign – dont really care. but saggatarius
5. male or female - female
6. elementary – pararie view Elementary School
7. middle – Dalmeny High School
8. high – Dalmeny High School
9. college – n/a
10. hair color – brown
11. eye color -- brown
12. hair length – ~3 inches past shoulders
13. current worry – that i might not get a plane ticket home
14. race – caucasian
15. are you a health freak – not really, but i do enjoy being healthy cuz it feels good, but im usually not
16. height – 5' 2
17. do you have a crush on someone – lol i love that word. and avoiding that question.
18. do you like yourself – sure i'm alright
19. piercings – 5 that are still able to be used
20. tattoos – none
21. righty or lefty – righty
FIRSTS-
22. first surgery – never had
23. first piercings – ears
24. first best friend – Katie Gardner probably
25. first award - lol! 100% attendance
26. first sport – gymnastics or soccer
28. first vacation – other than the lake. BC or florida
29. first teacher - mrs stonehouse
30. first crush – lol either bryan friesen or matt ginther
THIS OR THAT-
31. orange or apple juice – apple
32. rock or rap – rock
34. nsync or backsteet boys – backstreet boys
35. britney spears or christina aguilera – britney
37. sun or moon – moon
38. tv or internet – internet
39. playstation or xbox –dont care
40. kiss or hug – *shrug* hugs
41. iguana or turtle – that ones hard....id say iguana
42. spider or bee – bee
43. fall or spring – fall time a million
44. Limewire or iTunes – itunes
46. soccer or baseball – soccer
CURRENTLY
50. drinking – well...the last i had was water
51. im about to – go eat dinner then watch the dark knight with mitch and shawn
53. singing – i was singing the canadian anthem earlier
54. typing – on this space
FUTURE-
55. want kids – not on purpous....hahahaha
56. when – not for a long time
57. want to get married – very much so
59. where do you want to live – in australia or switzerland
60. how many kids do you want – none if i can help it
62. what did you want to be when you were little – a marine biologist
63. what do you think you'll really be doing – not a clue, something to do with graphic design or photography
64. mellow future or wild – both at their own times
65. Something you would never try – cocaine or meth or anything stupid like that
67. when do you wanna die – i dont really want to get old but all in all its not really up to me ( well it is to an extent...but ya )
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE SEX YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO
68. lips or eyes – eyes
69. hugging or kissing – both
70. shorter or taller – haha. taller definatly. that would be weird
71. tan skinned or light – whatever
72. romantic or spontaneous – both, but not scary spontaneous
73. dark or light hair – dont care
74. muscular or normal – not like..all musculy bulky kind of thing. but a sporty figure
75. hook-up or relationship – relationship
76. similar to you or different – lots of common ground, but some differences are nice
HAVE YOU EVER-
78. kissed a stranger – no
79. drank bubbles – yes i guess? champagne or like...soap bubbles....either way yes
80. broken a bone – yes
81. climbed up a tree – yes
82. broken someones heart - i'm not sure
83. turned someone down – yes
84. had your heart broken – yes
85. liked a friend as more than a friend – yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN-
86. yourself – yes most of the time
87. miracles – yes
88. love at first sight – maybe lust at first sight
89. santa claus – no
90. kissing on first date – definately depends, if youve known the guy forever then sure but if you just met i wouldnt
91. angels – yes
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY-
92. is there people you want to be with right now – yes
93. who is it – nobody knows him im sure
94. like someone – yes, isnt that the same question as 92?
LASTS-
95. text message - mitch
96. received call – cory
97. call made – dale
98. facebook message – my mom
99. missed call – aaron
100. last hungout with? mitch at his flat watching the simpsons
Monday, December 22, 2008
walkin in a sizzlin summerland
im alive!!!
Yeah thats right. every time i try to write on here. I start. realize how much Ive done since iv been here. Get overwhelmed and stop.
I know its probably not the best way to communicate back home...But hey...theres always facebook updates for anything major right?? haha.
Anyways. Ill try to attempt this again. Hopefully I wont freak out like the last 3 times.
Christmas coming up pretty quick. although it doesnt really feel like christmas at all.
I dont know if its the weather being so stinkin hot and humid that means the land has a complete lack of snow ( or anything remotly close to anything cold ) and the fact that my glasses fog up when i go OUTSIDE because the air con is so cold compared to the blistering heat. or the fact that my friends and family that i always spend christmas with aren't here.
For me christmas always started when the first snow fall came. and its finally hit me that im not going to have a white christmas this year.
But im strangely ok with that...
I dont know if im thinking that because i have next to no choice or that im excited about something different.
This whole year has been something different or an entirely new experince in itself and I dont think iv regretted any of it thus far so why start now? especially around christmas.
Its been absolutly insane these last 6 months, I mean yeah , i miss home. But i've done so many things i never dreamed of doing.
Camping in a rainforest.
swimming in multiple waterfalls,
ocean fishing, ( and actually catching something )
swimming in the ocean again...... SEEING the ocean again,
Camping on an Island and seeing Koalas. Kangaroos, Possums and Lizards of all kinds,
longboarding by the beach EVERY week,
eating kangaroo
seeing a live rugby ( football ) game
climbing a mountain to see a sunset over the ocean,
walking home in a tropical thunderstorm,
Having something i designed end up on a tshirt,
filming with a proffessional team on a main stage event on the beach,
having some of my photos used in advertising for the citys event stable on the strand,
Seeing my designs being used on promotional material
actually KNOWING how to design things.
you know...The kind of things that if you told me id be doing them. Id probably punch you for getting my hopes up. something like that.
I've met certain people in my time here that i am abundantly glad i have. and almost seems worth it to be here just for meeting them. Even though its worth it to be here for so many more reasons. and these last 6 months have been so random i cant even begin to dream of where i will end up in the next 6. Seriosly. Retarded.
Thats about all i can muster without my brain overloading.
All in all. this update is to say,
Im not dead...
and Happy christmas
Yeah thats right. every time i try to write on here. I start. realize how much Ive done since iv been here. Get overwhelmed and stop.
I know its probably not the best way to communicate back home...But hey...theres always facebook updates for anything major right?? haha.
Anyways. Ill try to attempt this again. Hopefully I wont freak out like the last 3 times.
Christmas coming up pretty quick. although it doesnt really feel like christmas at all.
I dont know if its the weather being so stinkin hot and humid that means the land has a complete lack of snow ( or anything remotly close to anything cold ) and the fact that my glasses fog up when i go OUTSIDE because the air con is so cold compared to the blistering heat. or the fact that my friends and family that i always spend christmas with aren't here.
For me christmas always started when the first snow fall came. and its finally hit me that im not going to have a white christmas this year.
But im strangely ok with that...
I dont know if im thinking that because i have next to no choice or that im excited about something different.
This whole year has been something different or an entirely new experince in itself and I dont think iv regretted any of it thus far so why start now? especially around christmas.
Its been absolutly insane these last 6 months, I mean yeah , i miss home. But i've done so many things i never dreamed of doing.
Camping in a rainforest.
swimming in multiple waterfalls,
ocean fishing, ( and actually catching something )
swimming in the ocean again...... SEEING the ocean again,
Camping on an Island and seeing Koalas. Kangaroos, Possums and Lizards of all kinds,
longboarding by the beach EVERY week,
eating kangaroo
seeing a live rugby ( football ) game
climbing a mountain to see a sunset over the ocean,
walking home in a tropical thunderstorm,
Having something i designed end up on a tshirt,
filming with a proffessional team on a main stage event on the beach,
having some of my photos used in advertising for the citys event stable on the strand,
Seeing my designs being used on promotional material
actually KNOWING how to design things.
you know...The kind of things that if you told me id be doing them. Id probably punch you for getting my hopes up. something like that.
I've met certain people in my time here that i am abundantly glad i have. and almost seems worth it to be here just for meeting them. Even though its worth it to be here for so many more reasons. and these last 6 months have been so random i cant even begin to dream of where i will end up in the next 6. Seriosly. Retarded.
Thats about all i can muster without my brain overloading.
All in all. this update is to say,
Im not dead...
and Happy christmas
Monday, December 08, 2008
In the last year
YES OR NO...
1. Have you had any relationships this year?
Nuhuh
2. Have you had your birthday yet?
Yep. I went camping in a rainforest and swam in a waterfall
3. Drank Starbucks?
not in a LONG time. theres none here in townsville :(
4. Went camping?
Yes. see 2 questions back
5. Met someone special?
Yes.
6. Been out of country?
Yes I have. in fact im living out of the country right now
7. What are you thinking about?
About living here
8. How many people have you gotten into a fight with this year?
2 serious ones
HAVE YOU...
1. Hugged someone?
Yep.
2. Slept in someone else's bed?
Yeah. probably
3. Got a job?
Yes. 2
4. Loaned out money?
A few hundred dollars maybe.
5. Gotten in a car accident?
nope. never have
6. Gone over your mobile phone bill?
I don't get it.
7. Been called a bitch?
Not to my face.
8. Done something you regret?
not REALLY no
LASTS...
1. Last person you hugged?
uuuh, joanna cause she left for a month
2. Last person to call you?
Mitch
3. When was the last time you felt stupid?
trying to fish with a handline around guys who have been doing it for years haha. i almost hit one in the foot with my hook! yay!
4. Who did you last yell at?
probably the weather
5. What did you do today?
Well its just starting. but i woke up. had a shower. filled up a waterbottle and printed a newsletter
NINE FACTS...
1. Natural hair color?
brown
2. Initials?
SCA
4. Eye color?
brown
5. Height?
5'2
6. Pets?
bear my golden lab
7. Mood?
flustered
8. Where would you rather be?
dunno...outside?
9. What was the last thing you drank?
water
NINE THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE...
1. Have you ever been in love?
Nah
2. do you believe in love?
sure??
3. Why did your LAST relationship fail?
because it didnt start
4. Have you ever been heartbroken?
I guess so.
5. Have you broken someone's heart?
No idea.
6. Have you ever fallen for your best friend?
yeah
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
Of course.
8. Are you afraid of commitment?
not really
9. Have you been in more than 5 serious relationships?
Nope. not even 1 haha
EMOTIONS...
1. Are you mising someone right now?
Yes. I am missing someone all the time. thats what you get for moving to australia
2. Are you happy?
yep.
3. Are you eating anything?
No.
4. Do you like someone right now?
these quizzes make me feel like im in grade 7
5. If you could have anything, what would it be?
a plane ticket home for a couple weeks. and a new camera
FIRSTS...
1. Who was your first prom date?
Ryan. If that counts as prom.
2. Do you still talk to your first love?
no?
3. What was your first alcoholic drink?
molson kick. *barfs*
4. What was your first job?
I think the sears portrait studio. and booster juice
5. What was your first car?
Buick century.
6. Who was the first person to text you today?
nobody yet. but the last was mitch
7. Who is the first person you thought of this morning?
I really don't remember. probably necole. as she sleeps on the bunk under me
8. Who was your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Lepp.
9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
Florida
10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
I haven't snuck out of the house.
12. Where was your first sleep over?
dont know
13. Who was the first person you talked to today?
krystal
14. Whose wedding were you in the first time?
i havent been. i was asked to take photos during the ceremony for one
15. What was the first thing you did this morning?
showered
16. What was the first concert you ever went to?
not sure. maybe van halen
17. First tattoo or piercing?
Lobes.
18. First foreign country you went to?
Does U.S. count as foreign? if not. australia
19. Who was the last girl/guy you kissed?
nobody
20. When was your first detention?
dont know. got them all the time
21. What was the first province you lived in?
Saskatchewan.
22. Who was the first person to really break your heart?
No idea.
23. Who was your first roommate?
charity, britt, and marci
24. Who will be the first to repost this?
i dont know but jess has lost faith in me i think haha
1. Have you had any relationships this year?
Nuhuh
2. Have you had your birthday yet?
Yep. I went camping in a rainforest and swam in a waterfall
3. Drank Starbucks?
not in a LONG time. theres none here in townsville :(
4. Went camping?
Yes. see 2 questions back
5. Met someone special?
Yes.
6. Been out of country?
Yes I have. in fact im living out of the country right now
7. What are you thinking about?
About living here
8. How many people have you gotten into a fight with this year?
2 serious ones
HAVE YOU...
1. Hugged someone?
Yep.
2. Slept in someone else's bed?
Yeah. probably
3. Got a job?
Yes. 2
4. Loaned out money?
A few hundred dollars maybe.
5. Gotten in a car accident?
nope. never have
6. Gone over your mobile phone bill?
I don't get it.
7. Been called a bitch?
Not to my face.
8. Done something you regret?
not REALLY no
LASTS...
1. Last person you hugged?
uuuh, joanna cause she left for a month
2. Last person to call you?
Mitch
3. When was the last time you felt stupid?
trying to fish with a handline around guys who have been doing it for years haha. i almost hit one in the foot with my hook! yay!
4. Who did you last yell at?
probably the weather
5. What did you do today?
Well its just starting. but i woke up. had a shower. filled up a waterbottle and printed a newsletter
NINE FACTS...
1. Natural hair color?
brown
2. Initials?
SCA
4. Eye color?
brown
5. Height?
5'2
6. Pets?
bear my golden lab
7. Mood?
flustered
8. Where would you rather be?
dunno...outside?
9. What was the last thing you drank?
water
NINE THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE...
1. Have you ever been in love?
Nah
2. do you believe in love?
sure??
3. Why did your LAST relationship fail?
because it didnt start
4. Have you ever been heartbroken?
I guess so.
5. Have you broken someone's heart?
No idea.
6. Have you ever fallen for your best friend?
yeah
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
Of course.
8. Are you afraid of commitment?
not really
9. Have you been in more than 5 serious relationships?
Nope. not even 1 haha
EMOTIONS...
1. Are you mising someone right now?
Yes. I am missing someone all the time. thats what you get for moving to australia
2. Are you happy?
yep.
3. Are you eating anything?
No.
4. Do you like someone right now?
these quizzes make me feel like im in grade 7
5. If you could have anything, what would it be?
a plane ticket home for a couple weeks. and a new camera
FIRSTS...
1. Who was your first prom date?
Ryan. If that counts as prom.
2. Do you still talk to your first love?
no?
3. What was your first alcoholic drink?
molson kick. *barfs*
4. What was your first job?
I think the sears portrait studio. and booster juice
5. What was your first car?
Buick century.
6. Who was the first person to text you today?
nobody yet. but the last was mitch
7. Who is the first person you thought of this morning?
I really don't remember. probably necole. as she sleeps on the bunk under me
8. Who was your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Lepp.
9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
Florida
10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
I haven't snuck out of the house.
12. Where was your first sleep over?
dont know
13. Who was the first person you talked to today?
krystal
14. Whose wedding were you in the first time?
i havent been. i was asked to take photos during the ceremony for one
15. What was the first thing you did this morning?
showered
16. What was the first concert you ever went to?
not sure. maybe van halen
17. First tattoo or piercing?
Lobes.
18. First foreign country you went to?
Does U.S. count as foreign? if not. australia
19. Who was the last girl/guy you kissed?
nobody
20. When was your first detention?
dont know. got them all the time
21. What was the first province you lived in?
Saskatchewan.
22. Who was the first person to really break your heart?
No idea.
23. Who was your first roommate?
charity, britt, and marci
24. Who will be the first to repost this?
i dont know but jess has lost faith in me i think haha
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
cheating...but an update at least
Ok so im cheating a little bit....these are 2 blog posts that i posted on another site
throughout the time iv been here. just in case you havent read them this is a glimpse into the life of me here i guess
sorry for the longevity of this...
We have forgotten the importance of passion, and traded it for reason and life plans that have nothing to do with how God made us and everything to do with what society expects from us..." - Lis Grozell
Lately i've had alot of time to think to say the least...
i have found peace and quiet and peice of mind in townsville streets of all places. its suprising of how close a refuge is amongst the constant noise.
And if you know me. If I have alot of time to think. I start learning things and i start getting excited because thats how i work. I dont work things out until i work it out in my head.
Thats why i love to talk to people about what im learning. because i dont usually realize it until its said. I learn as i go.
Anyways. this isnt the point of my whole "blog" thing . this ones about something i have come to know and love very well.
Passion
A person without passion. is like a candle without fire. Passion is a motor that propells us forwards and without it. we are left with nothing to go after. We sit in a rut we created for ourselves and rust.
to have a burning desire that creates commitment to something. wether it be a project or a goal.is essential in everyday life. especially in a society where hardly anyone cares about their own job or country.
What are the alternatives to a life of passion? Would you rather go to work with a frown, or a smile? Would you rather lead an empty life or a life filled with purpose? Would you rather look forward to or dread a new day?
Now i understand it doesnt always work like this. Im not saying that if you have a passion all of lifes worries mysteriously melt away.
But would you not agree that if you have a passion in mind. something that you strive for. something that brings you excitement when you get around to doing it , seeing it, or experincing it ( whatever the case may be ) That your life would be significantly improved if you had nothing to look forward to in your daily life?
Some quote i heard once by some filmmaker ( i dont really remember who it was. i suppose i could google it but...eh )
"It is really important that young people find something that they want to do and pursue it with passion."
iv always found i am a pretty passionate person, even if that passion is short lived, my life is much more fufilled at the end of the day
I can be passionate about people. i can be passionate about photography and design, I can be passionate about journalism, i can be passionate about caring for people, I can be passionate about the lost, I can be passionate about seeing breakthrough in addictions in peoples lives, I can be passionate about Jesus. and those are the things, big or small, that keep me ticking, giving me a reason to look forward to the next day, and the day after that
Which is why I think YWAM is the perfect place for me to be. its just nice to see ( generally ) a community of people who care, people who know what their passions hopes and dreams are and go for it.
Or maybe its nice to be in a place like this and see everyones not a tangled mess like me and actually have there mind figured out and arent afraid to try something they've wanted to do. Weather it be writing a song, starting a band, or trying to make a diffrence in the lives of others less fortunate than we are.
Maybe its nice to see that the human race isnt totally hopeless and gone to waste...
Passion is a funny thing. And a funny word after reading it over and over i realized. Sorry this turned out alot longer then i expected. but hopefully it gave you something to ponder
its true that those we meet can change us, sometimes so profoundly that we are not the same afterwards.
I woke up today without that 5 million pound boulder of stress on my chest , aside from being ridiculously tired i felt pretty alright, by the time my morning brain wore off from a short morning nap on the couch 5 minutes after i woke up. I thought,
you know what? I'm just going to let today be today, I'm going to wake up this morning with a smile on my face, look in the mirror brush my teeth and not rack my brain wondering......wondering if today is going to be productive, inspiring, terrible, exhausting, heartbreaking or epic.
Im just going to go with it , make the most of it because we all have days that can go either way.
And then at night I will go to bed without the slightest bit of fret knowing I made my day the best I could. And that God truly is good
and today was truely one of those days where I can just look back on and thank God for randomness.
the randomness of a friend dropping by soley to encourage/pray for me
the randomness of a bunch of friends that feel like family coming together for a wicked awesome meal, Hanging out and having hours pass and it feeling like literal minutes and laughing until we dont even know what we are laughing about anymore
I really look forward to those moments like today but I am also thankful for the one I am having right now, this evening, alone, on my couch, overwhelmed by joy.
Personally, I know of no more profound moments than those when all other thoughts slip away and you are left with a pure sense of your own "being" in the world.
I find these moments of real insight come most often when I am in nature, disconnected from the many layers of "stuff" we have surrounded ourselves. Everything is stripped bare and all your left to do is sit and marvel at Gods creation
But not tonight. All it took was a little bit of Gods blessing and good company.
Isnt He cool?
throughout the time iv been here. just in case you havent read them this is a glimpse into the life of me here i guess
sorry for the longevity of this...
We have forgotten the importance of passion, and traded it for reason and life plans that have nothing to do with how God made us and everything to do with what society expects from us..." - Lis Grozell
Lately i've had alot of time to think to say the least...
i have found peace and quiet and peice of mind in townsville streets of all places. its suprising of how close a refuge is amongst the constant noise.
And if you know me. If I have alot of time to think. I start learning things and i start getting excited because thats how i work. I dont work things out until i work it out in my head.
Thats why i love to talk to people about what im learning. because i dont usually realize it until its said. I learn as i go.
Anyways. this isnt the point of my whole "blog" thing . this ones about something i have come to know and love very well.
Passion
A person without passion. is like a candle without fire. Passion is a motor that propells us forwards and without it. we are left with nothing to go after. We sit in a rut we created for ourselves and rust.
to have a burning desire that creates commitment to something. wether it be a project or a goal.is essential in everyday life. especially in a society where hardly anyone cares about their own job or country.
What are the alternatives to a life of passion? Would you rather go to work with a frown, or a smile? Would you rather lead an empty life or a life filled with purpose? Would you rather look forward to or dread a new day?
Now i understand it doesnt always work like this. Im not saying that if you have a passion all of lifes worries mysteriously melt away.
But would you not agree that if you have a passion in mind. something that you strive for. something that brings you excitement when you get around to doing it , seeing it, or experincing it ( whatever the case may be ) That your life would be significantly improved if you had nothing to look forward to in your daily life?
Some quote i heard once by some filmmaker ( i dont really remember who it was. i suppose i could google it but...eh )
"It is really important that young people find something that they want to do and pursue it with passion."
iv always found i am a pretty passionate person, even if that passion is short lived, my life is much more fufilled at the end of the day
I can be passionate about people. i can be passionate about photography and design, I can be passionate about journalism, i can be passionate about caring for people, I can be passionate about the lost, I can be passionate about seeing breakthrough in addictions in peoples lives, I can be passionate about Jesus. and those are the things, big or small, that keep me ticking, giving me a reason to look forward to the next day, and the day after that
Which is why I think YWAM is the perfect place for me to be. its just nice to see ( generally ) a community of people who care, people who know what their passions hopes and dreams are and go for it.
Or maybe its nice to be in a place like this and see everyones not a tangled mess like me and actually have there mind figured out and arent afraid to try something they've wanted to do. Weather it be writing a song, starting a band, or trying to make a diffrence in the lives of others less fortunate than we are.
Maybe its nice to see that the human race isnt totally hopeless and gone to waste...
Passion is a funny thing. And a funny word after reading it over and over i realized. Sorry this turned out alot longer then i expected. but hopefully it gave you something to ponder
its true that those we meet can change us, sometimes so profoundly that we are not the same afterwards.
I woke up today without that 5 million pound boulder of stress on my chest , aside from being ridiculously tired i felt pretty alright, by the time my morning brain wore off from a short morning nap on the couch 5 minutes after i woke up. I thought,
you know what? I'm just going to let today be today, I'm going to wake up this morning with a smile on my face, look in the mirror brush my teeth and not rack my brain wondering......wondering if today is going to be productive, inspiring, terrible, exhausting, heartbreaking or epic.
Im just going to go with it , make the most of it because we all have days that can go either way.
And then at night I will go to bed without the slightest bit of fret knowing I made my day the best I could. And that God truly is good
and today was truely one of those days where I can just look back on and thank God for randomness.
the randomness of a friend dropping by soley to encourage/pray for me
the randomness of a bunch of friends that feel like family coming together for a wicked awesome meal, Hanging out and having hours pass and it feeling like literal minutes and laughing until we dont even know what we are laughing about anymore
I really look forward to those moments like today but I am also thankful for the one I am having right now, this evening, alone, on my couch, overwhelmed by joy.
Personally, I know of no more profound moments than those when all other thoughts slip away and you are left with a pure sense of your own "being" in the world.
I find these moments of real insight come most often when I am in nature, disconnected from the many layers of "stuff" we have surrounded ourselves. Everything is stripped bare and all your left to do is sit and marvel at Gods creation
But not tonight. All it took was a little bit of Gods blessing and good company.
Isnt He cool?
Saturday, May 10, 2008
nuclear bomb
I have no appetite and im constantly sick. what the hell is wrong with me?
maybe its because its physically impossible for me to rest? I work an 8 hour day 11 - 7 , the entire day on my feet , not "allowed" to take a break ( we are "allowed" but its always busy so they dont let you ) because its all in the biz. and i come home. change and usually go out right away, come home and stay up till 4 because i cant effing sleep.
I go out because i crave to be around people or im depressed and i stay up because my body hates me. and refuses to shut down before 4 am.
or maybe its just because im extremely stressed and my body doesnt know what to do with itself. .... most possibly.
i hate that stress has taken up such a huge part of my life. its so enevitable its like a heartbeat, or a breath of air. ( repugnant stale air mind you )
it just bursts into my buisness throughout the day. and leaves just as fast, but usually likes to hang out with me for at least 3/4 of my day.
I guess im just good company
I just want someone to be able to tell me everythings going to be alright....
Thursday, May 08, 2008
I should be sleeping
guess what? good news: i have had more of a peace about mostly everything lately. about work, about leaving and just life in general
Even though im still dreaming about work at least 3 times a week ( and not good dreams either. see one of my older posts for a referance)
im not feeling quite as hostile towards going to work anymore ( note the word "quite") im getting more hours lately which leaves less stress about money, which leaves less stress about leaving. which leaves less stress about everything in general because thats what i seem to be revolving my life around lately.
sad yes. but a fact
and iv actually have had a chance to hang out with some friends like the old days as well. the last few nights iv gone down by the river eaten some cake and taken my neon frisbee out and threw it around for a couple hours with some good chums. Iv gotten to go to the forestry farm a couple times already since its "opened" for the season . i cant wait for the bears to come!
and soon me and some friends ( about 20 of them ) are going up to turtle lake to joeys cabin from friday to monday, it should pretty much be the best ever.
although like the title suggests i should be sleeping. so i bid you adieu , after all. my sleeping pills are kicking in and i might not make much sense anymore.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
JACKED!
1. How long did you stay up last night and why?
1 30 or something. which is early for me but since i work at 11 now i have to go to bed early
2. What was the first thing you thought when you got up this morning?
i can sleep 15 more minutes
4. What did you do all day yesterday?
I woke up. bought the wintersleep cd. picked up my mom and drove to dalmeny, made supper. watched simpsons. went to youth. came home and slept
5. Where do you work?
rickys all day grill
6. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
i...hope so? but i doubt it
7. Do you own a stereo that costs more than $100?
Yes, because my laptop is my stereo.
8. When's the next time you'll see your best friend(s)?
uhm. hopefully soon?
9. Hows your heart feeling lately?
that was pretty emo of you. but also. a little unsettled.
10. What were you doing this morning at 5am?
Sleeping...id like to see if someone had a different answer
11. What were you doing this afternoon at 12pm?
working through the lunch rush. boo
12. What did you have for lunch today?
a mushroom burger
13. Have you graduated from high school yet?
In 2006
14. What was the reason you last cried?
stress
15. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
Yes. high on many things " guys...is my face melting into a bucket?"
16. What do you want your room to look like when you get your own place?
uhm. id like to say neat but i know it wont be. but it will have a touch of "me" in it....or something cool
17. What song is stuck in your head?
for once, nothing
18. Who was the last two people to text you?
alyssa saying shell be on her way soon and 611 telling me my balance is .63 cents. that one was nice
19. What's the fifth text in your inbox say?
5th from the start or 5th newest?
Joey- Damn you
or
katie saying in a bit i will
20. How many red lights have you run?
im a yellow light bandit. but i dont think iv purposly ran any
21. Did you get pulled over?
Not for that
22. What was your least favorite grade?
all of highschool?
23. Why?
i dont want to talk about it
24. Who was the last person you talked to last night before bed?
raelynn or jer
25. Who's the last person you kissed?
i dont want to talk about it
26. What does your hair look like right now?
pretty hagrid. its greasy and in pig tails
27. Is there anything that you are craving now?
Chocolate milk. ( mmm )
28. Do you wear socks to bed?
most of the time
29. Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
No, its pretty hard to mess up stephanie anderson
30. Have you ever started a sentence with "No offense, but..."?
Of course.
31. Do you drink tea?
No, not often at all. but i will if its put in front of me sometimes
32. Have you ever been arrested?
No.
33. Whose car did you last ride in other then your own?
coras friend brad
34. Have you made a mistake this past week?
most likely. im a waitress
35. What are you listening to right now?
Nothing, rae's computer game and her talking
36. Who was the last person you texted?
alyssa
37. Do you miss someone?
over 30 people im sure
38. Are you happy with your life right now?
mmm not really. but i will be once i get out of here
39. Who is more active in your relationships?
what?
40. What was the last movie you saw in theatres and with who?
uuuuuhm
something with katie. something bad probably
41. What do you need to be doing right now?
out with someone
42. What's the connection between you and the last person you texted?
shes my buddah ol pal
43. What is wrong with you right now?
lets not EVEN go there
44. Who was your best friend in middle school?
middle school? carrie and...jess?? whats MIDDLE school?
45. Who do you hate?
rude people?
46. Was your best friend at school/work today?
no i dont work with her and i dont go to school
47. What do you wear to bed?
some fake lu lu s and t shirt
48. Has anyone gotten on your nerves lately?
Always.
50. What do you call your bf/gf?
imaginary
51. What do you want to be "when you grow up"?
a photojournalist
52. Can you see yourself married with kids and a good job 10 years from now?
ew. kids
53. Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
i hope so?
54. What were you doing at 7 pm on Friday night?
i dont even remember. thats bad
OH a bbq with the bitners
55. What's going on during this week?
work.....work....uhm....work? tokyo police club and....work?
56. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
sooooooo many people
1 30 or something. which is early for me but since i work at 11 now i have to go to bed early
2. What was the first thing you thought when you got up this morning?
i can sleep 15 more minutes
4. What did you do all day yesterday?
I woke up. bought the wintersleep cd. picked up my mom and drove to dalmeny, made supper. watched simpsons. went to youth. came home and slept
5. Where do you work?
rickys all day grill
6. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
i...hope so? but i doubt it
7. Do you own a stereo that costs more than $100?
Yes, because my laptop is my stereo.
8. When's the next time you'll see your best friend(s)?
uhm. hopefully soon?
9. Hows your heart feeling lately?
that was pretty emo of you. but also. a little unsettled.
10. What were you doing this morning at 5am?
Sleeping...id like to see if someone had a different answer
11. What were you doing this afternoon at 12pm?
working through the lunch rush. boo
12. What did you have for lunch today?
a mushroom burger
13. Have you graduated from high school yet?
In 2006
14. What was the reason you last cried?
stress
15. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
Yes. high on many things " guys...is my face melting into a bucket?"
16. What do you want your room to look like when you get your own place?
uhm. id like to say neat but i know it wont be. but it will have a touch of "me" in it....or something cool
17. What song is stuck in your head?
for once, nothing
18. Who was the last two people to text you?
alyssa saying shell be on her way soon and 611 telling me my balance is .63 cents. that one was nice
19. What's the fifth text in your inbox say?
5th from the start or 5th newest?
Joey- Damn you
or
katie saying in a bit i will
20. How many red lights have you run?
im a yellow light bandit. but i dont think iv purposly ran any
21. Did you get pulled over?
Not for that
22. What was your least favorite grade?
all of highschool?
23. Why?
i dont want to talk about it
24. Who was the last person you talked to last night before bed?
raelynn or jer
25. Who's the last person you kissed?
i dont want to talk about it
26. What does your hair look like right now?
pretty hagrid. its greasy and in pig tails
27. Is there anything that you are craving now?
Chocolate milk. ( mmm )
28. Do you wear socks to bed?
most of the time
29. Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
No, its pretty hard to mess up stephanie anderson
30. Have you ever started a sentence with "No offense, but..."?
Of course.
31. Do you drink tea?
No, not often at all. but i will if its put in front of me sometimes
32. Have you ever been arrested?
No.
33. Whose car did you last ride in other then your own?
coras friend brad
34. Have you made a mistake this past week?
most likely. im a waitress
35. What are you listening to right now?
Nothing, rae's computer game and her talking
36. Who was the last person you texted?
alyssa
37. Do you miss someone?
over 30 people im sure
38. Are you happy with your life right now?
mmm not really. but i will be once i get out of here
39. Who is more active in your relationships?
what?
40. What was the last movie you saw in theatres and with who?
uuuuuhm
something with katie. something bad probably
41. What do you need to be doing right now?
out with someone
42. What's the connection between you and the last person you texted?
shes my buddah ol pal
43. What is wrong with you right now?
lets not EVEN go there
44. Who was your best friend in middle school?
middle school? carrie and...jess?? whats MIDDLE school?
45. Who do you hate?
rude people?
46. Was your best friend at school/work today?
no i dont work with her and i dont go to school
47. What do you wear to bed?
some fake lu lu s and t shirt
48. Has anyone gotten on your nerves lately?
Always.
50. What do you call your bf/gf?
imaginary
51. What do you want to be "when you grow up"?
a photojournalist
52. Can you see yourself married with kids and a good job 10 years from now?
ew. kids
53. Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
i hope so?
54. What were you doing at 7 pm on Friday night?
i dont even remember. thats bad
OH a bbq with the bitners
55. What's going on during this week?
work.....work....uhm....work? tokyo police club and....work?
56. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
sooooooo many people
Friday, April 18, 2008
if your friends with p. then your friends with me
do you ever get that feeling of " holy crap. no one really knows me at all"
I have this intense feeling of loneliness that i havent really known before. and i know that sounds like im 12. but im serious. Not a loneliness in the sense that no ones around me. because im around plenty of people every day all day. but a loneliness....for real relationships?
everyones so passive in their relationships with me nowadays. and im no less to blame. Im just as guilty of it.
I miss having a friendship with someone where they know everything about me and i dont have to hold back when they say " hey steph. whats up?" or vice versa.
i miss long rollerblade adventures with my closest friends, i miss my long walks on the railroad tracks or just sitting on the side of the road having rocks hurled at me. i miss taking turns to go get icecream and i miss scoping. i miss people watching in the mall and baking cookies while dancing to TFK. I miss mario party and playing in the snow.
i miss coming home from school to my friends sitting on the benches on my front lawn ( occasionally eating crackers ) and throwing cutlery into my lawn.
i miss sitting on the playground at night and smelling the boys pipe smoke. i miss pit fires and sing a longs.
I miss laying in the park and looking at the stars, playing the laughing game and listening to tool.
i miss the swings and thunderstorms and picture walks
i miss being tripped every day coming home from school in the winter and getting in trouble for having wet pants every day
i miss frog catching and going to stereotrap concerts
most of all. I miss being depended on. I like being there for people and having a deep friendship with them
Everything just seems so empty here.
im displaced. Im not where i want to be and its showing in my everyday life. And i havent realized it until now.
I have the famous landlocked blues. im lonely for the ocean and for the other people that truly made me feel loved
all i think about all day is how badly i want to go back and its taking away from me being happy while im here.
Maybe i wont be a depressed bag of goo in the next 2 weeks as im most likely giving my 2 weeks notice before monday.
i might have a job at the double decker bus icecream place by the river. i need a job that isnt so high stress. haha
man.....I want to go take pictures but theres a stupid snow storm, and thats all im going to say on the subject because i dont want to be an old lady talking about the weather.
I have this intense feeling of loneliness that i havent really known before. and i know that sounds like im 12. but im serious. Not a loneliness in the sense that no ones around me. because im around plenty of people every day all day. but a loneliness....for real relationships?
everyones so passive in their relationships with me nowadays. and im no less to blame. Im just as guilty of it.
I miss having a friendship with someone where they know everything about me and i dont have to hold back when they say " hey steph. whats up?" or vice versa.
i miss long rollerblade adventures with my closest friends, i miss my long walks on the railroad tracks or just sitting on the side of the road having rocks hurled at me. i miss taking turns to go get icecream and i miss scoping. i miss people watching in the mall and baking cookies while dancing to TFK. I miss mario party and playing in the snow.
i miss coming home from school to my friends sitting on the benches on my front lawn ( occasionally eating crackers ) and throwing cutlery into my lawn.
i miss sitting on the playground at night and smelling the boys pipe smoke. i miss pit fires and sing a longs.
I miss laying in the park and looking at the stars, playing the laughing game and listening to tool.
i miss the swings and thunderstorms and picture walks
i miss being tripped every day coming home from school in the winter and getting in trouble for having wet pants every day
i miss frog catching and going to stereotrap concerts
most of all. I miss being depended on. I like being there for people and having a deep friendship with them
Everything just seems so empty here.
im displaced. Im not where i want to be and its showing in my everyday life. And i havent realized it until now.
I have the famous landlocked blues. im lonely for the ocean and for the other people that truly made me feel loved
all i think about all day is how badly i want to go back and its taking away from me being happy while im here.
Maybe i wont be a depressed bag of goo in the next 2 weeks as im most likely giving my 2 weeks notice before monday.
i might have a job at the double decker bus icecream place by the river. i need a job that isnt so high stress. haha
man.....I want to go take pictures but theres a stupid snow storm, and thats all im going to say on the subject because i dont want to be an old lady talking about the weather.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
the 90s were weird
i spend the majority of my life on youtube. got bored and typed in concerned childrens advertisers and i found a bunch of golden commericals from way back in the day.
REMEMBER THESE!?
im almost positive this wouldnt be allowed on tv these days. and not just because of the haircuts
I remember always being afraid to walk on those walkways over the streets because i was scared i was going to find a needle. now i know why
those kids are SOOO pumped they found a needle
no explaination needed
i knew this wasnt real from the START
LOL the t rex kid!!! and "....bugs"
is that black kid just good at....laundry? well dancing i guess. but...in the laundro mat?
uh oh...
Lol!!! why are they on hover boards
"oh i can drive ya!"
bum bum dum dum!!! and the most ultimate commercial EVER!!!
REMEMBER THESE!?
im almost positive this wouldnt be allowed on tv these days. and not just because of the haircuts
I remember always being afraid to walk on those walkways over the streets because i was scared i was going to find a needle. now i know why
those kids are SOOO pumped they found a needle
no explaination needed
i knew this wasnt real from the START
LOL the t rex kid!!! and "....bugs"
is that black kid just good at....laundry? well dancing i guess. but...in the laundro mat?
uh oh...
Lol!!! why are they on hover boards
"oh i can drive ya!"
bum bum dum dum!!! and the most ultimate commercial EVER!!!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
dont let the panic bring you down
Why do i worry, panic, freak out, stress over the stupidest things??
In the back of my mind i know my problems are in better hands when they are in Gods hands. but for some reason i refuse to release the grip of MY grubby hands from them and try to convince myself i know how to deal with them better than anyone else.
when in actuality they would be better off in the hands of a braindead monkey then my own. because I make a mess of things every single time. without fail.
Youd think id learn by now? but no. you'd be wrong.
people are pretty cool.
hey. creepy story of the day
Im cleaning my house at 2am ( because im an insomniac) so naturally its pretty quiet . and i tuck a blanket under my couch
and all of a sudden i hear this noise. that sounds like a toy going
"GOTCHYA"
I stop.....not even daring to breath, half expecting a hand to whip out from under the couch and drag me into the land of the evil fraggles........
*slowly walks to the kitchen*
what was THAT!!?!?!?!
i go back to the living room. look under the couch and theres NOTHING there!
WHAT THE HECK!?
maybe the creepiest thing to have ever happend to me EVER
im waiting till morning to find out what it really was. maybe texting my roomate if she has any creepy toys hidden about the room that i dont know about.
until then. im stuck with the heebie jeebies
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
random musings
Today at work. I could almost pin point the second i decided i was quitting and looking for another job.
I was some kind of moron to think that life would magically change when i moved out. No matter where i go lifes always going to feed me crap but just call it something different every time.
I feel like such a waste of space. I havent been doing anything to positivly contribute to society but serve tables in months ( although waitressing can hardly be considered a positive contribution.....but maybe playing an unheathy amount of super mario galaxy for wii counts for something?,.....i doubt it.).
what has my life come to that i have to plan my passions around a schedule?? that work takes precedent over everything in my life including my mental health ( now that sounds like the crazy grumbles of a workaholic. but friends, i assure you. im far from it ,for i hate to work. if i had my way id never have to work a day in my life and id sit in a hot spring in the mountains until my skin fell off ) i also think its pretty sad i live my life staying up until 4 and sleeping in till 1. thats pretty lame of me.
I just need to take a week off and spend it outside i think. just go some where and pitch a tent and cook my food over a campfire. bring a guitar and worship and yell and scream and leap and dance.... a little prehistoric. yes...... but refreshing.
and an added bonus? the snow is gone! yeah what the heck i know. when did it all leave?!
i was driving today and i was like...holy crap..no snow. where did it GO!?
i mean yeah theres the loner mounds of snow under the trees in peoples front yard because sunlight never touches it. but in general its pretty much all gone.... in the city anyways.
Monday, March 31, 2008
The one that got away
Yeah. you had to wait till the last minute possible to tell me didnt you?
I have the worst luck.
and now reginas got you clasped in its dirty city claws!!
this is one more reason i hate regina.....
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